I'd like to propose a new rating system, one which I've already described to Dan. It would be a number system, like the current one, but the score would reflect the extent to which you've used the day to actualize your ideal vision of your life. The worst rating would be a -3, and the best rating would be a 3. Negatives in this system mean that you've actually regressed, or moved your life further away from how you'd like it to be. 0 means that your life will basically be the same tomorrow. Say one of the things that you'd like to happen would be to lose weight, to pick an easy example. If you lost weight during that day, you would get a positive score, if nothing happened you would get a zero, and if you gained weight you would get a negative. The absolute values of the scores just represents three basic degrees--slightly, moderately, extremely (i.e., 1 or -1 indicates a slight shift, 2 or -2 indicates a moderate shift, and 3 or -3 indicates an extreme shift). I'd like to hear feedback from the other participants about this proposed system.
Rating for 1/9: 0
Today I worked, cleaned, cooked dinner, straightened up my room, and started planning. I gave myself a zero because I basically kept myself afloat, but didn't progress. Hopefully my planning today will translate into forward movement starting tomorrow. I drew up plans for myself to accomplish two goals: one is to write my novel, the other is to get down to 175 lbs. A third goal for which I'll soon create a plan is to become financially independent. This third goal would only be achieved in the distant future, but I can start making it happen today, mainly be budgeting, creating a monthly income surplus, and, once I've saved enough money, I can begin investing it. My first two goals are more immediate, and have scheduled activities for tomorrow. I plan to spend 2 hours writing tomorrow, and my goal is to write one single spaced page (i'm trying to keep my goals reasonable so that I don't get overwhelmed and say fuck it). I also plan to do calisthenics tomorrow for 45 minutes. I want to have a draft of my novel by May 1st, and a polished manuscript by June 1st. I need to write 20 pages per week, allowing myself a full week of days off between now and then. For my weight loss, my goal is to lose 1 lb each week for the next three weeks, then 2 lbs a week for the next 4 weeks, then 3lbs a week after that, and each goal shift corresponds to an increase in scheduled workouts.
No more talking. Starting now, it's all about applying the will to see the eventual actualization of my dream version of my life.

I didn't post yesterday because I started reading Walden. I don't know why I haven't read that before. It's awesome. Maybe too extreme...I don't know. When I read books like that, especially Emerson or many of the great books from the pre-industrial revolution era, I feel like I'm living a life of narrow and shallow goals. They make me feel like I've enslaved myself with schedules and pressure to make other people happy (other people with similary narrow goals). They do, however, console me with their expressions of real, human dignity.

Rating for 12/5: 2

In the spirit of deflating system points, I'm trying to scrutinize myself more than before. Day 1 of my time log worked out so-so; today it has been much better. I started by writing down a task and how long it took. This leaves a significant amount of time unaccounted for. Today I'm doing it by time, not by activity. So theoretically I'll have some account for every minute of conscious time, even if I just write, "screwed around" or something like that. On to my score explanation.
The bad:
I got up late. I don't know when exactly, because, as I said, I was recording by activity, not by time. Getting a bad start negatively affects my morale for the rest of the day. I feel lazy, and I feel ashamed as I, for example, exercise outside in the middle of the day when the parking lot is empty, and the people I see are retired for the most part.
I spent 50 minutes eating breakfast, showering shaving, doing dental hygeine stuff, dressing, and getting my stuff prepared before I leave the house. This seems like too much time. One of the concrete goals I have for my time accountability system is getting a firm grasp on what I'll refer to as my daily overhead. Analogous to business overhead, this will encompass the basic activities that I need to do everyday in order to live a basic healthy and ethical life. This includes sleeping, eating, showering, cleaning, etc. Any real achievement on my part is going to happen in addition to these things. In other words, if all I do in a given day is overhead, I will have merely broken even (and if I'm not working, I'll have ended worse than I started the day). I want to take my overhead tasks, study how long I'm taking to do them, and streamline them. For example, I'm thinking that I should be able to shower, shave, and complete my dental hygeine in 15 minutes. In the coming days I'll strive to hold myself to that length of time and test whether or not it's a realistic yet efficient amount of time. If it is, I'll incorporate that into my schedule and try to make it a daily, habitual thing.
I spent a great deal of time yesterday preparing my resume for a job that it turns out I can't even take because of my schedule. It's main hours are from 3-7 Mon through Thurs, but I cook dinner for the house around 5 or 6 on Monday and Thursday every week. We could rework the house schedule, but I know it would be a huge pain for everyone else. Until this job is the only job available, I'll pursue less inconvenient options. However, instead of realizing this, I spent hours riding back and forth between my house and the computer lab, first realizing my resume file had somehow disappeared on the network, then going back to put it on a datastick, and then coming back too late to go into the place and actually submit it. On top of that, somehow it got smeared slightly with something, and I don't want to use them now anyway. I should have realized all of this and used my time for other things.
I have 2 hours and 45 minutes listed vaguely as "internet stuff" This is inexcusable. I know whatever I was looking at or doing didn't need to take that long.
I didn't accomplish much beyond my overhead.
The Good:
First and foremost, I didn't give up when I started encountering hugely obnoxious practical barriers. I could have easily put off the resume until tomorrow once I found the file missing, but I rode home again, and back to school again (in the snow) in order to finish what I had set out to do. That was virtuous. Speaking of this kind of thing, I'm going to give myself an automatic 1 anytime in the future that I just stop striving to achieve my goals on a particular day and say to myself, "I'll start tomorrow on a fresh day, get up early, get off to a good start, have good planning, etc." That line of thinking is attractive, but in the end it's garbage. Things always get messy, and we have to deal with imperfection. This I need to drill into myself, because I forget it all the time. No starting tomorrow, one needs to do the best one can at the time given the circumstances. What's good, as I was saying, was that I didn't do this.
I bought an excellent, and much needed, scarf for $1.05. The value to cost ratio on that purchase was huge, which is ideal.
Not only did I exercise as much as I told myself I was going to, but I completed my lifting routine in 45 minutes. In theory I'd be comfortable giving myself an hour for that activity, but if 45 minutes will suffice, then that's great. I didn't skimp on the specific drills either.
I made an awesome dinner, albeit with portions too small and without much time left to eat it.
Ok, I'm spending too much time on this. Accountability and critical evaluation is key, but after a point it becomes cumbersome and inefficient.

I'm back in this too.
Todays' rating will be posted tomorrow. In the meantime I want to relate some thoughts.

Project: In an effort to hold myself more accountable for my use of time, I want to record my activities and their duration throughout the day. I carry a bag almost everywhere I go, and throwing a pen and notebook in there would not be much of a burden. Taking it out and jotting down a note about time use doesn't seem too cumbersome either. I want to streamline my activities, especially routine, administrative tasks. For example, I'll record how long it takes to brush my teeth, shower, eat breakfast--basically how long it takes to get out of bed and get going. I'll scrutinize that task, and try to get those things done as efficiently as possible. I'll also get in the habit of glancing at my watch and holding myself more to a schedule, or at least an idea of how long an activity should take. Time is a non-renewable resource, and it's important to use it well. I could be using it much better, and one of the first steps one must take toward better management is a system of review and accountability. Hopefully my system isn't too cumbersome.
Observation: Flax oil makes a marked difference in my performance.
Observation: With some tasks, the manner in which it happens is not important beyond aesthetics, and consequently, I should be creative with those tasks and incorporate changes into them that make them easier or more appealing. For example, if I run for exerise, as long as I'm doing the activity for a prescribed amount of time, it doesn't hurt if I'm also listening to music. This is an obvious example, and maybe undermines the point I'm trying to make because of its obviousness. Basically, I have concepts of how certain tasks will look, in other words, what the experience of performing that activity will be like. I also think that it's possible to become enslaved to those concepts. In other words, you feel pressure not only to do the thing, but you feel pressure to do it in the way that you imagine it a-priori. I'm trying to eliminate the latter phenomenon, because it's unimportant beyond the aesthetic. Don't get me wrong, some tasks require to be done one way as opposed to another, even if the ostensible result is the same. This could be for ethical or practical reasons. However, there are several tasks where this is not the case. I want to take it upon myself to use my creativity to discern which tasks are of which nature and to implement changes to make the tasks like running more enjoyable and easier to execute with my will.
I had some other thoughts, but I've taken enough time on this post. If they're still relevent in the future, I'll post them at some other time. As I said, rating tomorrow.

Rating for Annapolis: 1

Leaving Philly made me want to cry...hopefully I'll post again soon.

Sorry for the lack of posts--I haven't been in the state of mind for it. More forthcoming. The only think I'm really thinking about right now is last night. I still have mad respect for Mcnabb and the rest of the Eagles. Westbrook is a beast, the D is great when they're giving their best effort (despite all the injuries), Lito Sheppard needs to get back to being his normal self...I don't know, I'm not counting them out. Obviously it's a long shot, but so was the Kansas City game.

Pride of the city
Our hasty mouths belie our hearts
.....

Damn it, I didn't see the time and I'm late for something. I'll finish this afterwards.

There's a part of Franklin's autobiography that I think should be especially noted. It's where he's talking about this religious group in PA that was being looked upon suspiciously because of its lack of written doctrine (the group may have been the Moravians, but I don't remember). Franklin was asked to intercede in their favor, and he advised them to state their principles, so that they wouldn't be mischaracterized. They responded that they didn't have fixed principles, because they had noticed that as soon as they would settle on fixed beliefs, the light of reason showed some aspects of their doctrine to be erroroneous and presented the possibility of improvement in their thought. They also had no reason to think that this process would end (or, at least, each new plateau looked like the previous one had looked when it was new, in terms of its rightness). Taking note of this observation, they moved forward with a humility rare for anyone or any group, especially a religious group--they would act in accordance with their best principles, confidently, but always remain open to change, discussion, and the admission of error. In this way their philosophy was dynamic, and in my opinion, worth emulating. We see many striking examples throughout history of thinkers that shatter all preconceived notions and paradigms about various ideas. The most poignant example for me was studying Einstein, Planck (sp?), and Bohr. Newton's physics and the classical views on electro-magentism (by which I mean from Maxwell and his contemporaries) make so much intuitive sense to me. Relativity and quantum physics seem strange and impossible at times, yet they are verfied by reason and experiment. This example, as well as the phenomenon that Franklin observed in the Christian sect, forces me to accept that any of my ideas, intuitions, judgments, impressions, notions, even memories, etc. are all possibly false. This fact doesn't have to be paralyzing though. It's envigorating in a way, it allows for the possibility of continuous improvement, or continuous work. It makes honest dialogue vital. I will always strive to examine and reexamine myself, ready, if I have the courage, to trade an inferior thought of my own for the better thought of someone else; or the better thought of a higher voice in my conscience than that of a lower.
These off-the-cuff comments were not really in response to anything--they were just in my head. Rating wise, I don't know how things have been. Good in some ways, bad in others.

Rating for 11/7: 3.5

On Sunday night I was pissed. At the time I thought that the primary cause of my anger was the fact that I basically wasted the weekend and have been lazy in general recently. In retrospect I think it was only because of the Eagles game. Regardless of the source, my anger motivated me to knock out a series of domestic chores and complete a half hour of intense exercise. That burst of energy was productive, but it caused me to go to bed late, which in turn contributed to getting up late yesterday. I had intended to do sprints from 8-9, but that didn't happen. I did get up and get ready for work, without being hurried, went to work, did well, went to the gym afterward to lift weights, got a recipe for pad thai, biked home, cooked dinner, and cleaned up. After cleaning up, I felt my cold intensifying. In the space of about two hours, I went from feeling fine to feeling like a pile of feces. I passed out on the couch, woke up when everyone came home, stayed up in a half-awake state, reading periodicals and drinking tea, and then finally went back to bed. I'm trying especially hard lately to get into great physical shape, get enough sleep, and eat well. I've found that meeting those three goals contributes immensely to my ability to assert my will and be successful. I've also started taking two flax seed oil pills per day; I think I can already feel the effect.

Rating for 10/31: 2

Yesterday I went to work and rode my bike, which would normally result in an automatic minimum score of 3, but then my will basically collapsed, and I think that I should be penalized for what happened. It's not like this is very unique or interesting--I had a list of things to do, started doing them, hit some walls, got frustrated, looked at the left-over Halloween candy, started eating candy, then gave up and told myself that I would be awesome starting "tomorrow". This way of thinking is a sickness. It's not something that anyone should emulate. My frustration with myself has resulted in the decision to change my scoring criteria. At least for a while, my score will soley be a function of how disciplined I am, or how powerfully I assert my will. Emerson pointed out the Stoic motto "Obey thyself". It's basic, yet essential. Quality goals, good planning, skill, experience, etc. are all great things, but they're nothing without an effective will. I'm going to tell myself what I'm going to do, and whether or not I do it will determine whether or not I've failed. I don't care how I do it, whether I stay composed while I do it, or even whether it's the right thing (with respect to scoring only, of course). Maybe this is what Dan means by 100% consciousness.

Rating for 10/27: 3

Lately I haven't been the kind of person that I'd recommend others to emulate. There's some personal stuff going on that's been getting me down. One thing happened last night that might be significant. A while ago, on a day that I was scoring high (maybe a 4), I was out skateboarding, and I was unable to land a trick that isn't supposed to be very hard, yet I always have problems with. I was practicing agressively, trying to overcome my fear, psyching myself up, but I kept missing the trick. I stopped after 2 hours of frustrated attempts. Last night I walked outside, tired and a little depressed, pushed around a while, not really trying to do anything, and then I decided for the hell of it, to try that trick. I landed it first try without any effort. I figured it was a fluke and tried again. Apparently it wasn't a fluke, because I was nailing it. I was also landing several other tricks without much difficulty. It seemed striking, and perhaps signicant, that in my weakened psychological state last night I was skating noticibly better than in the stronger, more confident state that I was in the first time. It seems intuitive to think that when you're being productive and maintaining a strong psychological state all endeavors should be easier than when you're mentally scattered. Maybe it's a testament to Taoism or something--not trying makes you more effective than trying. I'm not about to treat that principle as truth, and my example is admittedly mundane and maybe insignfiicant. Maybe skateboarding is unlike most other endeavors. It does make sense that your mind might only be an obstacle while skating, unlike in other thing where it's an essential tool.

Rating for 10/26: 3

Another standard day. I'm making an effort this weekend to have higher than standard days.

Rating for 10/25: 2

I basically just screwed around yesterday. Hell yeah for Mozart though. I listened to Mozart too--piano stuff. Make sure to get Debussy in the play list. One cool thing was that I think I came up with a criterion for virtue that anyone would agree on, regardless of philosophical beliefs. The test is to ask yourself whether or not you believe that you are the type of person that you would recommend others to emulate. I've gone through all of the philosophies of ethics that I can remember, including the more modern stuff, and I can't think of any that would reject that test as a criterion for virtue. My guess is that someone would object to the word virtue before rejecting that test.

Rating for 10/24: 3

Yesterday was average. Worked, did well, biked, read a little, wrote a little, made dinner, went to bed.

I spent the weekend in Philly, with the sole goal of relaxing. I accomplished that, so it was a good weekend. Dan, you should watch GF2 as soon as possible. As someone once told me, " Godfather 1 sets you up nicely so that when you watch Godfather 2, you'll sh*t your pants." Also, I think I saw the face of God yesterday during the Eagles game. That was the best way to end a perfect weekend.

Rating for 10/20: 3

I got up, went to work, kicked ass at work (actually, I made more tips yesterday than any other day prior), biked home, cooked dinner, had a quality meal (I finished early so that the house could have more time to relax and talk together), but after that, my efforts declined. I cleaned up slowly and stopped in the middle to listen to jazz on the couch for a while. Not that listening to music isn't good, because it is, but I feel like I need to use as much of my free time on my projects as I can. After that I decided to skate to get exercise, but in retrospect, given the little amount of time I had left in the day, I should have done a more intense, compact workout, like the combat calisthenics I learned at school, which could have been completed with benefit in 15-30 minutes. Instead, as I said, I skated, which lasted about an hour. On top the fact that as an exercise it isn't as great as the calisthenics in terms of time to benefit ratio, I was skating scared, which just frustrates me. I wasn't able to do basic tricks that shouldn't be a problem, and it made me pissed off. When I came back in I had little energy and a weakened morale, so I read for a while and then fell asleep on the couch. I didn't end up working on my book or reading Joyce.

Rating for 10/19: 4

The only thing I didn't do yesterday was write. I did spend a lot of time studying Joyce, who I'm taking as my model for language use, so indirectly I was working on my book. Other than that, I did well at work, worked out, and maintained a good state of mind.

Rating for 10/18: 4

I did well yesterday. I exercised, read, worked on my book, and took care of administrative work. I kept a good state of mind throughout the day.

Rating for 10/17: 3.5

I did well at work, rode my bike, enjoyed the weather, cooked dinner, cleaned up, wrote for a while, wasted some time, and took care of a small amount of administrative work. I would have liked to wake up earlier, exercise more, spend more time writing, and, as always, cultivate a more calm and focused mentality. I impair myself with various neuroses and concerns that, while not major problems, compromise my ability to live well. I'm still deciding whether or not this is the place to write more extensively about that, and other things, like my thoughts lately on productivity and virtue. I plan to make a serious effort to post every day. I also discovered a library branch near my house, which will give me an alternative means to post on days when the school server is down. Here's a great quote I found:
" I know that most men...can seldom accept even the simplest and most obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity of conclusions which they have delighted in explaining to colleagues, which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven, thread by thread, into the very fabric of their lives." --Tolstoy

Very SJC. I'm going to get some Emerson from the library because I've been thinking about his essay that was read for seminar last year. I've also been enjoying Debussy, as usual. He's probably my favorite composer/musician at the moment.

Rating for 10/16: 3.5

I still plan to participate in the daily rating system, I've just been lazy. Besides that, the computers were down several days that I was going to post, and most of my days have been pretty even-keeled. I might as well have given myself straight 3s, 3.5s, and 4s for the time that I wasn't posting. I haven't been extremely motivated, nor have I been lazy, I've just been moving along at a steady pace. I'll quit being lazy soon and get back to daily posts.