What does it mean to live well? What would that look like? What would a person that lives well be like? What would he do? How would he respond to various situations? What would be his values? To what extent would his choices be a function of an a priori moral calculus, and to what extent would they take into account the particular nature of each individual circumstance?
These questions, for me, get at the heart of what I've been struggling with for as long as I can remember, and our blogger circle seems to exist for the purpose of our advancement with respect to these issues. One might argue that the answers to some or all of the above questions are not the same for everyone, or at all times. Maybe that's the case, but we shouldn't embrace the opposite extreme either. The opposite extreme would be absolute moral relativism, to the point where the idea of morality itself seems not to have much meaning. The issue for such a person might be, how can I get the most out of my experience? Or, how can I be happiest, or most contented?...
Damn it--I'm getting off topic. I tried writing a moral treatise for myself, to articulate where my thoughts are with regard to the issues that interest me, but I stopped, because the issues got too messy. I believe that ethics is immensely complex. Just having read some of the classic moral treatises of the west have made me less quick to think that these issues are simple. I find that as I write, I don't expose my premises, or I don't fully bring the reader to where my thoughts are. These problems are not fatal, it would just require revision and careful writing. For the time being, I need to get back on the ball, so I just want to make a few comments that were promised in my last post.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Friday, February 03, 2006
Transgressions: 10
Effectiveness: Staying the Same
Days Without a Collapse: 0
Still nothing...and to make me feel like even more of an asshole, I read an article in this month's Philly magazine about this girl that took over the Philly Animal Control and basically sacrificed her life to start turning the operation around, slowly. I highly recommend it. Ben Franklin and Emerson are awesome, but right now that girl is my hero.
Effectiveness: Staying the Same
Days Without a Collapse: 0
Still nothing...and to make me feel like even more of an asshole, I read an article in this month's Philly magazine about this girl that took over the Philly Animal Control and basically sacrificed her life to start turning the operation around, slowly. I highly recommend it. Ben Franklin and Emerson are awesome, but right now that girl is my hero.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Transgressions: 15
Effectiveness: Staying the Same (+ on the money, - on the fitness, nothing on the book, it kind of averages out to neutral).
Days Since a Collapse: 0
I'm bummed out to report that I had a collapse, using my active definition of collapse. I was on the eve of the mythical 7th day. I'm preparing to write about what happened, why, and how it can be prevented in the future. For now, I'm saying fuck it and wasting time until I go to sleep.
Effectiveness: Staying the Same (+ on the money, - on the fitness, nothing on the book, it kind of averages out to neutral).
Days Since a Collapse: 0
I'm bummed out to report that I had a collapse, using my active definition of collapse. I was on the eve of the mythical 7th day. I'm preparing to write about what happened, why, and how it can be prevented in the future. For now, I'm saying fuck it and wasting time until I go to sleep.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Transgressions: 2
Effectiveness: Advancing
Days Since a Collapse: 5
Advances:
1. Made $ (decided to leave this undefined, since it's hard to come up with an exact figure if you actually take into account rent, utilities, etc. On the whole, I'm making more money than I'm spending. Once I get a pay check I'll create a detailed budget, at which time I could probably give a daily money-made figure).
2. Calisthenics for 30 minutes and biking for 25 minutes.
3. Didn't write any new pages, but revised pages that I've already written.
4. Researched car buying faqs.
Effectiveness: Advancing
Days Since a Collapse: 5
Advances:
1. Made $ (decided to leave this undefined, since it's hard to come up with an exact figure if you actually take into account rent, utilities, etc. On the whole, I'm making more money than I'm spending. Once I get a pay check I'll create a detailed budget, at which time I could probably give a daily money-made figure).
2. Calisthenics for 30 minutes and biking for 25 minutes.
3. Didn't write any new pages, but revised pages that I've already written.
4. Researched car buying faqs.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Transgressions: 1
Effectiveness: Advancing
Days Since a Collapse: 4
Advances:
1. Made $72.
2. Got 1/2 hour of intense exercise, plus moderate exercise dispersed throughout my workday.
3. Wrote 2 pages, began to edit earlier pages, and spent time thinking about stylistic issues that should impact the entire work.
My new job is glorious. Today I managed inventory and prepared orders. My co-workers are awesome (I think everyone has at least a college degree; regardless, they're all interesting, helpful, and pleasant). Tomorrow I'm going to start deliveries. We're allowed to have any coffee drinks from the cafe anytime we want. I got a cappucino and it was awesome. The product is definitely quality. I was pleased to fill an order for an espresso bar on Walnut Street in Philly.
Observation: My time is better spent when I truly immerse myself in an activity. I've been doing this well, and correcting myself when I slip. I'm just realizing how important it is. I've experimented with psychological posturing to help me with this. One thing I did was to pretend that I would do everything for a long time, even if I was only doing it for half an hour. Maybe that's not clear--if I'm constantly thinking about what I need to do next, and I'm trying to push the activity toward it's endpoint, I don't do as well. If I allow myself to shift gears, settle in, and pretend that I'll be doing it for an indefinite period, so that I don't worry about the endpoint, and I just take it one step at a time, I seem to get more out of it. Even though that's how I think about it, I still adhere to a schedule. Ironically, although maybe understandably, things go faster, or the endpoint actually is reached sooner, with the method that I'm describing.
Effectiveness: Advancing
Days Since a Collapse: 4
Advances:
1. Made $72.
2. Got 1/2 hour of intense exercise, plus moderate exercise dispersed throughout my workday.
3. Wrote 2 pages, began to edit earlier pages, and spent time thinking about stylistic issues that should impact the entire work.
My new job is glorious. Today I managed inventory and prepared orders. My co-workers are awesome (I think everyone has at least a college degree; regardless, they're all interesting, helpful, and pleasant). Tomorrow I'm going to start deliveries. We're allowed to have any coffee drinks from the cafe anytime we want. I got a cappucino and it was awesome. The product is definitely quality. I was pleased to fill an order for an espresso bar on Walnut Street in Philly.
Observation: My time is better spent when I truly immerse myself in an activity. I've been doing this well, and correcting myself when I slip. I'm just realizing how important it is. I've experimented with psychological posturing to help me with this. One thing I did was to pretend that I would do everything for a long time, even if I was only doing it for half an hour. Maybe that's not clear--if I'm constantly thinking about what I need to do next, and I'm trying to push the activity toward it's endpoint, I don't do as well. If I allow myself to shift gears, settle in, and pretend that I'll be doing it for an indefinite period, so that I don't worry about the endpoint, and I just take it one step at a time, I seem to get more out of it. Even though that's how I think about it, I still adhere to a schedule. Ironically, although maybe understandably, things go faster, or the endpoint actually is reached sooner, with the method that I'm describing.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Trangressions: 3
Effectiveness: Day off
Days Since a Collapse: 3
Today was lovely. I woke up at noon, had a leisurely breakfast with Eva, talked with my mom and sister on the phone, read Aristotle in bed, rode into town to get ice cream, went to the St. John's library to read more Aristotle, came home, read more, ate dinner with Eva, Ben, and Ada, and now I'm getting ready to sleep. I read about 50+ pages in the Ethics today, which, considering the work, is a lot. I should be finished by next weekend at the latest.
I was frustrated by two of my transgressions. They came very late in the day, and they were the result of sloppiness. I thought that I would finish with only a single point, but I fucked up twice right at the end. Oh well, three still isn't that bad.
Dan--I don't know if the system that I'm using, or the way that I'm approaching the scoring, is the best way, but the most important thing for me is that it's working. Remember how you said that you've never been able to go for a week straight? The same is true for me (other than my first week of college), but I think I might finally do it. Maybe you don't think I'm doing well, or doing as much as I should, but I've been more ethical and productive the last few days than I can remember at any time in the past. I love the system, and I'm not getting tired at all.
Effectiveness: Day off
Days Since a Collapse: 3
Today was lovely. I woke up at noon, had a leisurely breakfast with Eva, talked with my mom and sister on the phone, read Aristotle in bed, rode into town to get ice cream, went to the St. John's library to read more Aristotle, came home, read more, ate dinner with Eva, Ben, and Ada, and now I'm getting ready to sleep. I read about 50+ pages in the Ethics today, which, considering the work, is a lot. I should be finished by next weekend at the latest.
I was frustrated by two of my transgressions. They came very late in the day, and they were the result of sloppiness. I thought that I would finish with only a single point, but I fucked up twice right at the end. Oh well, three still isn't that bad.
Dan--I don't know if the system that I'm using, or the way that I'm approaching the scoring, is the best way, but the most important thing for me is that it's working. Remember how you said that you've never been able to go for a week straight? The same is true for me (other than my first week of college), but I think I might finally do it. Maybe you don't think I'm doing well, or doing as much as I should, but I've been more ethical and productive the last few days than I can remember at any time in the past. I love the system, and I'm not getting tired at all.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Transgressions: 2
Effectiveness: Advancing
Days Since a Collapse: 2
Advancements:
1. Wrote 4 pages.
2. Ran for 1 hour.
3. Began writing a letter to my dad that I've been meaning to write for a long.
Dan--yes, you have gotten my interest with your mysterious talk about the website. What is it? Also, here's how I deal with the problem that you pointed out about changes in behavior. To me, ethical transgressions are two-dimensional in the sense that they are defined both by discreet repetitions, but also by magnitude. So each discreet transgression receives a single base point, and if it has a great severity, you could add magnitude points on top of that. Actually, to take a step back, I think about a point as a unit, which is admittedly subjective. A single transgression could represent half of that unit in magnitude, or twice that unit, or any other factor. Let's take frugality. Suppose that I conclude that $30 per week on food for myself is a frugal yet reasonable amount. If I spent $31, I might resolve to be more exact the following week, but I don't think I would penalize myself an entire point, because it doesn't seem equal to my concept of the unit. At what point does it become equal to the unit? That's tricky, but it's not completely nebulous either. Maybe if I spend between $40 and $50 I'll penalize myself a point, since the excess in terms of percentage is high. Then it would go up from there. Certainly if I spent $100, with a chunk of it being blown on garbage like a box of candy bars, I would see that as more serious than an excess of $10 or $20. I might even penalize myself in other ways, in addition to multiple points in frugality. Does this make sense? I'm trying to be clear without being wordy. Maybe my system isn't good. Maybe it's too subjective. One more example, which has actually come up for me a couple of times. You'll notice that I've scored upwards of 3 points in tranquility. Those 3 points don't represent three discreet moments of anxiety, which would be silly; they represent a measurement of magnitude. On a 3 day I was basically at war with myself and probably manifested that outwardly to the world. On a 2 day I was fighting myself to do shit and at times throughout the day people could probably tell that that was the case, but it wasn't out of control. A 1 day is a common thing, where I'm agitated, and I'm anxious about being doing the right things and avoiding failure, but I'm not freaking out, and outwardly I probably appear tranquil.
EDIT: Dan, if my response to your comments about changes in behaviour either in this post or the last one seemed condescending, I apologize--it was unintentional (I was just reading them over and I think that they might sound that way). I meant to say, 1) your observation was slick, and I hadn't realized what you were pointing out in such a concrete fashion, and that 2) even though I hadn't consciously recognized the subtlety that you were pointing out, I realized that I had actually been accomodating it intuitively in my use of the system.
Effectiveness: Advancing
Days Since a Collapse: 2
Advancements:
1. Wrote 4 pages.
2. Ran for 1 hour.
3. Began writing a letter to my dad that I've been meaning to write for a long.
Dan--yes, you have gotten my interest with your mysterious talk about the website. What is it? Also, here's how I deal with the problem that you pointed out about changes in behavior. To me, ethical transgressions are two-dimensional in the sense that they are defined both by discreet repetitions, but also by magnitude. So each discreet transgression receives a single base point, and if it has a great severity, you could add magnitude points on top of that. Actually, to take a step back, I think about a point as a unit, which is admittedly subjective. A single transgression could represent half of that unit in magnitude, or twice that unit, or any other factor. Let's take frugality. Suppose that I conclude that $30 per week on food for myself is a frugal yet reasonable amount. If I spent $31, I might resolve to be more exact the following week, but I don't think I would penalize myself an entire point, because it doesn't seem equal to my concept of the unit. At what point does it become equal to the unit? That's tricky, but it's not completely nebulous either. Maybe if I spend between $40 and $50 I'll penalize myself a point, since the excess in terms of percentage is high. Then it would go up from there. Certainly if I spent $100, with a chunk of it being blown on garbage like a box of candy bars, I would see that as more serious than an excess of $10 or $20. I might even penalize myself in other ways, in addition to multiple points in frugality. Does this make sense? I'm trying to be clear without being wordy. Maybe my system isn't good. Maybe it's too subjective. One more example, which has actually come up for me a couple of times. You'll notice that I've scored upwards of 3 points in tranquility. Those 3 points don't represent three discreet moments of anxiety, which would be silly; they represent a measurement of magnitude. On a 3 day I was basically at war with myself and probably manifested that outwardly to the world. On a 2 day I was fighting myself to do shit and at times throughout the day people could probably tell that that was the case, but it wasn't out of control. A 1 day is a common thing, where I'm agitated, and I'm anxious about being doing the right things and avoiding failure, but I'm not freaking out, and outwardly I probably appear tranquil.
EDIT: Dan, if my response to your comments about changes in behaviour either in this post or the last one seemed condescending, I apologize--it was unintentional (I was just reading them over and I think that they might sound that way). I meant to say, 1) your observation was slick, and I hadn't realized what you were pointing out in such a concrete fashion, and that 2) even though I hadn't consciously recognized the subtlety that you were pointing out, I realized that I had actually been accomodating it intuitively in my use of the system.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Transgressions: 3
Effectiveness: Advancing
Days Since a Collapse: 1
Today was a success, although I'm not celebrating yet since it was only day one of my new system. One of my transgressions was so minor that I almost wanted to mark myself as having 2 rather than 3, but it's not a big deal. I see what you mean about changes in behavior Dan--it's a great observation, and I have a way that I've been intuitively dealing with that, but I'm not going to write too much at the moment, so I guess I'll post about it later (I'm tired as shit and I'm about to go meet Eva in town). Advancements:
1. Got a job. $9/hr with possibility of pay raises (up to $12, I think) delivering coffee and repairing brewing equipment in Baltimore, Annapolis, and DC. The place seems awesome, I like the owner's philosophy, and a big part of my job will be learning about coffee, which should be fun. I also get to spend time getting to know Bmore and the district. I already got a bag of top of the line espresso beans.
2. Worked out: did some intense calisthenics shit for 35 minutes.
3. Wrote: I wrote 2 1/2 pages.
4. Furthered the process of soliciting general letters of recommendation.
Effectiveness: Advancing
Days Since a Collapse: 1
Today was a success, although I'm not celebrating yet since it was only day one of my new system. One of my transgressions was so minor that I almost wanted to mark myself as having 2 rather than 3, but it's not a big deal. I see what you mean about changes in behavior Dan--it's a great observation, and I have a way that I've been intuitively dealing with that, but I'm not going to write too much at the moment, so I guess I'll post about it later (I'm tired as shit and I'm about to go meet Eva in town). Advancements:
1. Got a job. $9/hr with possibility of pay raises (up to $12, I think) delivering coffee and repairing brewing equipment in Baltimore, Annapolis, and DC. The place seems awesome, I like the owner's philosophy, and a big part of my job will be learning about coffee, which should be fun. I also get to spend time getting to know Bmore and the district. I already got a bag of top of the line espresso beans.
2. Worked out: did some intense calisthenics shit for 35 minutes.
3. Wrote: I wrote 2 1/2 pages.
4. Furthered the process of soliciting general letters of recommendation.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Transgressions: 5
Effectiveness: Staying the Same
I spent much of the day contemplating my new system, and now I'm ready to test it. One of my goals is going to be sustainability, or, the number of days that I can go without abandoning a system, saying fuck it i'll start tomorrow, or despairing about my situation. In order to reflect my progress with this, I'm adding a third daily score: number of days since a collapse. A collapse can be any of the things I mentioned above. I want to make sure that I keep working, do my basic shit, and continue to act cheerful and fair toward others even when things are rough. I'll give an account of my system if it works, and I'm going to define "works" as: avoiding future collapses, resulting in 6/7 days of advancement (every day except 1 day off), and a maximum of 3 transgressions per day. If I make it a month meeting those criteria, I'll give an account. We'll see what happens.
Effectiveness: Staying the Same
I spent much of the day contemplating my new system, and now I'm ready to test it. One of my goals is going to be sustainability, or, the number of days that I can go without abandoning a system, saying fuck it i'll start tomorrow, or despairing about my situation. In order to reflect my progress with this, I'm adding a third daily score: number of days since a collapse. A collapse can be any of the things I mentioned above. I want to make sure that I keep working, do my basic shit, and continue to act cheerful and fair toward others even when things are rough. I'll give an account of my system if it works, and I'm going to define "works" as: avoiding future collapses, resulting in 6/7 days of advancement (every day except 1 day off), and a maximum of 3 transgressions per day. If I make it a month meeting those criteria, I'll give an account. We'll see what happens.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Transgressions: 7
Effectiveness: Advancing
I feel like I've been on an emotional rollercoast lately. I don't want to get into that too much, but even from the last few entries it should make sense why I say that.
Today I made a big push on the job front, worked out for a little, and did some searching for a car. I didn't write, but I spent most of my day productively. I'm tired.
Effectiveness: Advancing
I feel like I've been on an emotional rollercoast lately. I don't want to get into that too much, but even from the last few entries it should make sense why I say that.
Today I made a big push on the job front, worked out for a little, and did some searching for a car. I didn't write, but I spent most of my day productively. I'm tired.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Transgressions: 11
Effectiveness: Regressing
I'm sick. I couldn't sleep last night, and this morning I decided to take the day off. I woke up at noon, still feeling terrible, but I also felt like I should work. I struggled with myself, part of me thinking that I should work, part of me thinking that I should take the day off to rest so that I can come back 100% tomorrow. I did niether. I did both half-assed, and as a result, nothing was accomplished. I had a depressing realization today. I know what I want to do, but I might not be able to do it. I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH, as in, the way things really are. I don't care if that turns out to be a philosophical pursuit, a scientific pursuit--I don't give a shit. I don't want to have to publish, I don't want to have to produce things for people. I want to read, and think, and conduct experiments...and if nothing comes of it, oh well. That's what I want to do. I want to know the true nature of space and time; I want to know if Kant was right about the limitations of epistemology; I want to know what Godel's proof is really proving, and what it's consequences are; I want to understand the arguments about God, and perhaps judge their validity; I want to know where our feelings and thoughts come from, where language comes from, and what the nature of our physical perceceptions is. I want to live in a small apartment, with a modest kitchen, and books, and notebooks, and perhaps a basic lab, and a computer. I want to wake up and contemplate. Sleep when I'm tired, eat when I'm hungry, but mostly contemplate. And I want to be able to work at my own pace, and not be afraid of any conclusions, or saying things that are unpopular or contrary to established ideas. I want to crawl out of the fucking cave. But I need fucking money. I hate this shit. I have to package myself, and finesse, and fill out forms, and compete. I don't want to compete and do all that crap. Maybe I'm stupid, does that mean I have to relinquish my dream? Even being at a university would be frustrating. I don't want to publish and give lectures. I'd love to talk to others, bluntly, not afraid to say things--I don't want to be in a profession that requires me to present the appearance of knowing when I actually don't.
Effectiveness: Regressing
I'm sick. I couldn't sleep last night, and this morning I decided to take the day off. I woke up at noon, still feeling terrible, but I also felt like I should work. I struggled with myself, part of me thinking that I should work, part of me thinking that I should take the day off to rest so that I can come back 100% tomorrow. I did niether. I did both half-assed, and as a result, nothing was accomplished. I had a depressing realization today. I know what I want to do, but I might not be able to do it. I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH, as in, the way things really are. I don't care if that turns out to be a philosophical pursuit, a scientific pursuit--I don't give a shit. I don't want to have to publish, I don't want to have to produce things for people. I want to read, and think, and conduct experiments...and if nothing comes of it, oh well. That's what I want to do. I want to know the true nature of space and time; I want to know if Kant was right about the limitations of epistemology; I want to know what Godel's proof is really proving, and what it's consequences are; I want to understand the arguments about God, and perhaps judge their validity; I want to know where our feelings and thoughts come from, where language comes from, and what the nature of our physical perceceptions is. I want to live in a small apartment, with a modest kitchen, and books, and notebooks, and perhaps a basic lab, and a computer. I want to wake up and contemplate. Sleep when I'm tired, eat when I'm hungry, but mostly contemplate. And I want to be able to work at my own pace, and not be afraid of any conclusions, or saying things that are unpopular or contrary to established ideas. I want to crawl out of the fucking cave. But I need fucking money. I hate this shit. I have to package myself, and finesse, and fill out forms, and compete. I don't want to compete and do all that crap. Maybe I'm stupid, does that mean I have to relinquish my dream? Even being at a university would be frustrating. I don't want to publish and give lectures. I'd love to talk to others, bluntly, not afraid to say things--I don't want to be in a profession that requires me to present the appearance of knowing when I actually don't.
Monday, January 23, 2006
Transgressions: 2
Effectiveness: Advancing
Today I wrote 10 pages, which is the most that I've written in a single day so far. The great thing is that I'm happy with what I'm creating. Also, I went with Eva to cash some checks and make a withdrawl to get funds for a car. The car deal didn't go through, but we spent time looking for alternatives, and soon we should be driving. Also, I nearly finished section 3 of the Ethics.
Effectiveness: Advancing
Today I wrote 10 pages, which is the most that I've written in a single day so far. The great thing is that I'm happy with what I'm creating. Also, I went with Eva to cash some checks and make a withdrawl to get funds for a car. The car deal didn't go through, but we spent time looking for alternatives, and soon we should be driving. Also, I nearly finished section 3 of the Ethics.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Transgression: 1
Effectiveness: Day off
Sunday is my day off, so I wasn't striving to advance myself. I did succeed in having a relaxing day, which will give me energy for next week. I was wondering earlier whether I should consider things like finishing a book, or watching an intelligent film as an advancement. It is one of my goals to refine myself through exposure to great culture, so in a sense I feel like they should be considered advancements. However, my material condition rarely changes in any immediate way when I finish a book, so perhaps one could argue that they are good for planting the seed for eventual action, but in itself it's not an advancement. I don't know which arguement is right, and I'm not even sure how much it matters (in other words, what's at stake in figuring this out?). For now I'll mention those things, but only weigh them slightly when determining my effectiveness, i.e., if I haven't also worked out and/or written, then I probably won't award myself a positive effectiveness rating for just reading. So far I have finished studying Mozart's Idomeneo, read the introductory materials to Eva's new cookbook (a good cookbook is more than just recipes), and now I'm working on Aristotle's Ethics.
Effectiveness: Day off
Sunday is my day off, so I wasn't striving to advance myself. I did succeed in having a relaxing day, which will give me energy for next week. I was wondering earlier whether I should consider things like finishing a book, or watching an intelligent film as an advancement. It is one of my goals to refine myself through exposure to great culture, so in a sense I feel like they should be considered advancements. However, my material condition rarely changes in any immediate way when I finish a book, so perhaps one could argue that they are good for planting the seed for eventual action, but in itself it's not an advancement. I don't know which arguement is right, and I'm not even sure how much it matters (in other words, what's at stake in figuring this out?). For now I'll mention those things, but only weigh them slightly when determining my effectiveness, i.e., if I haven't also worked out and/or written, then I probably won't award myself a positive effectiveness rating for just reading. So far I have finished studying Mozart's Idomeneo, read the introductory materials to Eva's new cookbook (a good cookbook is more than just recipes), and now I'm working on Aristotle's Ethics.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Transgressions: 2
Effectiveness: Advancing
Today was triumphant. My theory was correct, at least for today, and at least for my temperment. That's cool if you can do it some other way Dan, but I think I've stumbled upon a much better system for myself. My transgressions were kept to a very low minimum, with the transgression of justice being very mild. Tranquility is something that I think I will only stop violating once I have more stability in my routine and system. Until then, I am naturally anxious about how things will turn out.
About my effiectiveness: I went for an intense, 1 hour run this evening, and I wrote 4 good pages in my novel. These were the goals that I set for myself, and they were accomplished in the manner that I had planned. I also started the process of transferring money to allow for the purchase of a car. Oh yeah, and I set up a system in the house to prevent people from eating ingredients for future meals by accident. Today I more than made up for yesterday. Am I violating humility with the tone of this post? If so I'll go and add another mark.
Yeah Kyle, that was me that posted about Gordo's. I lived in San Francisco for a summer and spent about a month there at various times prior to that. It's definitely my favorite city on the west coast, and I plan to visit often when I have a stable financial situation. My girlfriend grew up in SF, and she loves it. We lived on 6th Ave right past Kirkham, about 6 blocks from Gordos. I'd cop those bean and cheese super burritos like nothing else. We went to Greens once and that was awesome...Tart to Tart was another favorite. Shit dude, there are so many awesome places, I'm not even going to get into that.
Effectiveness: Advancing
Today was triumphant. My theory was correct, at least for today, and at least for my temperment. That's cool if you can do it some other way Dan, but I think I've stumbled upon a much better system for myself. My transgressions were kept to a very low minimum, with the transgression of justice being very mild. Tranquility is something that I think I will only stop violating once I have more stability in my routine and system. Until then, I am naturally anxious about how things will turn out.
About my effiectiveness: I went for an intense, 1 hour run this evening, and I wrote 4 good pages in my novel. These were the goals that I set for myself, and they were accomplished in the manner that I had planned. I also started the process of transferring money to allow for the purchase of a car. Oh yeah, and I set up a system in the house to prevent people from eating ingredients for future meals by accident. Today I more than made up for yesterday. Am I violating humility with the tone of this post? If so I'll go and add another mark.
Yeah Kyle, that was me that posted about Gordo's. I lived in San Francisco for a summer and spent about a month there at various times prior to that. It's definitely my favorite city on the west coast, and I plan to visit often when I have a stable financial situation. My girlfriend grew up in SF, and she loves it. We lived on 6th Ave right past Kirkham, about 6 blocks from Gordos. I'd cop those bean and cheese super burritos like nothing else. We went to Greens once and that was awesome...Tart to Tart was another favorite. Shit dude, there are so many awesome places, I'm not even going to get into that.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Transgressions: 11
Effectiveness: Regressing
Based on my ratings it would appear that I did terribly today. The earlier part of the day was quite good--I woke up, wrote a necessary letter, ate lunch with Eva, worked out, ran some errands, set up an account and posted a resume on Monster.com, wrote two more letters, and then finished studying Mozart's Idomeneo. At that point, if I had sat down and wrote until Eva came home, I'd be advancing and with only a handful of penalty points. Instead, Sam made some cookies and put out some candy and turned on a movie. I felt drained, and I also felt especially temped to relax because it's Friday night, although that doesn't mean anything for me lately. I basically folded. I gorged on junk and said fuck it for the night. Shame on me. On the bright side, I think I understand partially why I failed today. I can't just have a list of things of things I want to get done and begin the day with the mentality that I just need to spend as much time and energy on them as possible. That way I feel like I'm fighting something infinite, that my effort will be endless, and that I'll never rest, and if I do rest, I feel like I'm running out of time and I start to panic. I've experimented with this method, and it sucks. A way better method that I want to use is planning out goals over a long period of time, and accomplishing reasonable portions of them daily. I'll schedule work time and break time, and during break time, I'm not going to think about my projects. It's like school. You don't try to do the whole year in one night. You do your work for one class, only worrying about that, or a paper maybe. But by the end of the year you've done a whole year. Maybe that analogy is terrible. If my idea is good, it should get results. We'll see.
Effectiveness: Regressing
Based on my ratings it would appear that I did terribly today. The earlier part of the day was quite good--I woke up, wrote a necessary letter, ate lunch with Eva, worked out, ran some errands, set up an account and posted a resume on Monster.com, wrote two more letters, and then finished studying Mozart's Idomeneo. At that point, if I had sat down and wrote until Eva came home, I'd be advancing and with only a handful of penalty points. Instead, Sam made some cookies and put out some candy and turned on a movie. I felt drained, and I also felt especially temped to relax because it's Friday night, although that doesn't mean anything for me lately. I basically folded. I gorged on junk and said fuck it for the night. Shame on me. On the bright side, I think I understand partially why I failed today. I can't just have a list of things of things I want to get done and begin the day with the mentality that I just need to spend as much time and energy on them as possible. That way I feel like I'm fighting something infinite, that my effort will be endless, and that I'll never rest, and if I do rest, I feel like I'm running out of time and I start to panic. I've experimented with this method, and it sucks. A way better method that I want to use is planning out goals over a long period of time, and accomplishing reasonable portions of them daily. I'll schedule work time and break time, and during break time, I'm not going to think about my projects. It's like school. You don't try to do the whole year in one night. You do your work for one class, only worrying about that, or a paper maybe. But by the end of the year you've done a whole year. Maybe that analogy is terrible. If my idea is good, it should get results. We'll see.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
I'm going to rate myself using two systems for now--one will be the shared system, based on Ben Franklin's virtue list, and the other will be a modified form of my + and - system. I like the former because it gives me an occasion to reflect on my daily ethical behavior, which is essential, and I like the latter because it hammers home the point that I need to make my dreams reality. The modification to the + and - system is that it will only have three total scores--advancing, staying the same, or regressing. The application of those should be self-evident from their names. My commentary will be a justification of my score. Things like cleaning, dishes, making food, etc., will not be discussed unless they teach me something that I will use later or materially improve me in some other lasting way. That stuff is important and will be reflected on the ethics list, in categories like order and cleanliness, but they won't appear here.
1/19: Advancing
I quit my job at the SPCA, and I have started searching for a better job. Today I sent out two resumes, and networked with a former supervisor. My networking looks promising already--it might land me a job at a law firm in DC. Either way, what I did today in terms of job searching was essential to advancing my professional and financial standing. Yesterday I filled out several applications, and already I have two offers. By next week I should be working.
I ate moderately today and exercised, which should bring me closer to my health ideal.
1/19: Advancing
I quit my job at the SPCA, and I have started searching for a better job. Today I sent out two resumes, and networked with a former supervisor. My networking looks promising already--it might land me a job at a law firm in DC. Either way, what I did today in terms of job searching was essential to advancing my professional and financial standing. Yesterday I filled out several applications, and already I have two offers. By next week I should be working.
I ate moderately today and exercised, which should bring me closer to my health ideal.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Kyle and Dan have given me very thoughtful feedback about my system proposal. It is clear to me that there are serious problems with it. Here are some of the problems that I've realized or have had pointed out:
1. There's no objective basis for scoring: Dan wanted to make it so that whatever system we use has some objective criteria for awarding points. This makes sense to me. The subjectivity of scoring is a weakness with the current system as well as with the one that I proposed.
2. The 1s 2s and 3s don't really make sense with a daily rating scheme: I realized this problem today. Some goals are spread out, and require small steps everyday. Each step might warrant a 1, but the overall accomplishment of the goal should warrant more than a series of 1s. Should the score correspond to the effect/time ratio, with a higher ratio being better? So say your goal was to earn 100$, and one way you do it is by working, and another way you do it is by investing money wisely so that you make 100$ without ever having to do anything--would the first yield a 1 and the second a 2 or 3? Is it about shrewdness, and accomplishing a lot in a small amount of time. That seems to measure shrewdness only, which is part, but not whole. Or should the numbers be something more abstract, like pure magnitude. Say your goal was to learn a language. Studyng for 2 hours would warrant a 1, 3 hours a 2, and 4 hours a 3, something like that, so that the score is a function of time spent doing the activity. Is it absolute time or time efficiency? Or maybe it should be purely based on accomplishment without considering time, but it's rare that activities that occupy a single day can be distinguished as quantatively more or less virtuous. Ugh...my writing here is sloppy, and I feel like I shouldn't spend too long revising because it takes away from time actually doing things, but then I end up with poorly expressed ideas.
3. Ethics is important and I think that the system should reflect the ethical integrity of the day.
4. Some goals can't be given a negative score with the system, such as reading a book. If you're not reading you get a 0, if you do read you get a 1-3, but you can't negative read. I guess you could ram your head against a wall and get stupider. But seriously, the fact that the system just reduces 1-5 down to 1-3 for some tasks doesn't help at all.
5. Mundane shit like organizing mail and brushing your teeth is important, I believe, and while it may or may not fall within the sphere of ethics, regardless, I feel like the system should give incentive to do those types of things as well as more consequential things. The proposed system doesn't include these types of activities.
Things I I like about the proposed system that I would want a good system to have:
1. The key thing is that I feel like actual, concrete progress should be stressed. I can get up at 7, brush my teeth, shave, and shower by 7:15, dress and eat breakfast by 7:30, get to work by 8, work hard from 8-4:30, come home, read a periodical, read a bit of a book, go online, make dinner, eat dinner, read some more, and listen to some music, and overall, my day would not have brought me closer to a higher life than my present one. In other words, theoretically, barring pay raises or budgeting, after 10 years of that you would still be living in the same place, with the same overall impact on the world (which is not much at the jobs we have, from what I understand), with the same standar of living. Each day under the old system you would get a 2 or a 3, but you haven't accomplished much at all. That is unnacceptable, because I want to live in a beautiful house in a lovely neighborhood in Philadelphia, with a stocked kitchen, an extensive library, a nice wardrobe, good physical condition, a clean, well running car, a good computer, surrouded by good people, having good relationships with them, and doing work on a daily basis that is significant and virtuous. Right now I'm living in a lame town, with an ok kitchen, no personal library, dressed like a riff-raff, in somewhat shameful physical condition, no car, a piece of shit computer, and working a job that is virtuous but not very significant (the only thing that I have from my dream list is good friends and good relationships with them). How to get from where I am now to where I want to be? I'll need money, personal work and creations, like a written book, education, and possibly an improved character. Basically I want to demand from myself that I work everyday to bring myself closer to my ideal.
Maybe we could use Ben Franklin's system. We could report how many marks we have each day in the various ethics categories (marks being bad). Like, today I did well, but I have to give myself two marks in the temperance category, because I ate to dulness both at lunch and at dinner. Two of the categories, resolution and industry, might do what I tried to do with my proposed system. Industry requires that we do meaningful work, and resolution requires that we follow through with our ideas. So if I didn't write for my book, I'd be failing resolution, and if I didn't do anything useful at all, I'd be failing in industry. Actually, the more I'm writing this, the more I'm liking the idea. Let me know what you guys think.
1. There's no objective basis for scoring: Dan wanted to make it so that whatever system we use has some objective criteria for awarding points. This makes sense to me. The subjectivity of scoring is a weakness with the current system as well as with the one that I proposed.
2. The 1s 2s and 3s don't really make sense with a daily rating scheme: I realized this problem today. Some goals are spread out, and require small steps everyday. Each step might warrant a 1, but the overall accomplishment of the goal should warrant more than a series of 1s. Should the score correspond to the effect/time ratio, with a higher ratio being better? So say your goal was to earn 100$, and one way you do it is by working, and another way you do it is by investing money wisely so that you make 100$ without ever having to do anything--would the first yield a 1 and the second a 2 or 3? Is it about shrewdness, and accomplishing a lot in a small amount of time. That seems to measure shrewdness only, which is part, but not whole. Or should the numbers be something more abstract, like pure magnitude. Say your goal was to learn a language. Studyng for 2 hours would warrant a 1, 3 hours a 2, and 4 hours a 3, something like that, so that the score is a function of time spent doing the activity. Is it absolute time or time efficiency? Or maybe it should be purely based on accomplishment without considering time, but it's rare that activities that occupy a single day can be distinguished as quantatively more or less virtuous. Ugh...my writing here is sloppy, and I feel like I shouldn't spend too long revising because it takes away from time actually doing things, but then I end up with poorly expressed ideas.
3. Ethics is important and I think that the system should reflect the ethical integrity of the day.
4. Some goals can't be given a negative score with the system, such as reading a book. If you're not reading you get a 0, if you do read you get a 1-3, but you can't negative read. I guess you could ram your head against a wall and get stupider. But seriously, the fact that the system just reduces 1-5 down to 1-3 for some tasks doesn't help at all.
5. Mundane shit like organizing mail and brushing your teeth is important, I believe, and while it may or may not fall within the sphere of ethics, regardless, I feel like the system should give incentive to do those types of things as well as more consequential things. The proposed system doesn't include these types of activities.
Things I I like about the proposed system that I would want a good system to have:
1. The key thing is that I feel like actual, concrete progress should be stressed. I can get up at 7, brush my teeth, shave, and shower by 7:15, dress and eat breakfast by 7:30, get to work by 8, work hard from 8-4:30, come home, read a periodical, read a bit of a book, go online, make dinner, eat dinner, read some more, and listen to some music, and overall, my day would not have brought me closer to a higher life than my present one. In other words, theoretically, barring pay raises or budgeting, after 10 years of that you would still be living in the same place, with the same overall impact on the world (which is not much at the jobs we have, from what I understand), with the same standar of living. Each day under the old system you would get a 2 or a 3, but you haven't accomplished much at all. That is unnacceptable, because I want to live in a beautiful house in a lovely neighborhood in Philadelphia, with a stocked kitchen, an extensive library, a nice wardrobe, good physical condition, a clean, well running car, a good computer, surrouded by good people, having good relationships with them, and doing work on a daily basis that is significant and virtuous. Right now I'm living in a lame town, with an ok kitchen, no personal library, dressed like a riff-raff, in somewhat shameful physical condition, no car, a piece of shit computer, and working a job that is virtuous but not very significant (the only thing that I have from my dream list is good friends and good relationships with them). How to get from where I am now to where I want to be? I'll need money, personal work and creations, like a written book, education, and possibly an improved character. Basically I want to demand from myself that I work everyday to bring myself closer to my ideal.
Maybe we could use Ben Franklin's system. We could report how many marks we have each day in the various ethics categories (marks being bad). Like, today I did well, but I have to give myself two marks in the temperance category, because I ate to dulness both at lunch and at dinner. Two of the categories, resolution and industry, might do what I tried to do with my proposed system. Industry requires that we do meaningful work, and resolution requires that we follow through with our ideas. So if I didn't write for my book, I'd be failing resolution, and if I didn't do anything useful at all, I'd be failing in industry. Actually, the more I'm writing this, the more I'm liking the idea. Let me know what you guys think.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
I just read the discussion about the system proposal. Here are some examples of things that would warrant negative scores:
Goal: End each month with a 300$ surplus from my income.
Say you calculate things and figure out that you'll have enough discretionary money to go out to eat twice a week, at a cheap restaurant. The first time you do it, it wouldn't affect the score. The second time it wouldn't affect it either. The third time you'd give yourself a minus, and if you did it so much that you actually ended the month with less money than you started the month, you'd get a -3
Goal: Learn language X
This is the type of goal that you could easily regress with. Say you invested two weeks of solid effort starting a program. Then you stopped for two weeks, then when you picked up again, you were as good as you were when you started. Well, you'd have to give yourself as many minus points as you did plus points.
Goal: Get girl X to go out with me
Day 1-you're macking on girl x, and she flirts back, and gives you her phone number...this would warrant a plus score
Day 2-you can girl x and lose it and act like an idiot on the phone and she hangs up on you, or becomes lukewarm..this would warrant a negative score.
Goal: Build a hut in the woods
Week 1-you rock it like Thoreau, nail some boards, etc.
Over the next few weeks-the weather forcast says snow, you figure you should throw a tarp over your shit, but you get lazy. It snows, and you let it pile up and sit there without cleaning it off. Weeks later, when the snow melts, you discover that the boards started to rot and fell apart. This would warrant negative points.
Basically, I feel like some goals are one step, clearly accomplished or not type things, like going to the bank. A task like this would not affect your score. There are some tasks that you can only move forward in, like reading a book. That would get you a positive if you did it, but a zero if you didn't. Then there are tasks that are a continuum, and you move up the continuum until you achieve the goal. In these, when it's possible to slide back down, that's where the negative score comes in. My whole thinking behind this was that I wanted to emphasize actual change in the real conditions of your life. In the fall, I'd get a 2 or a 3 or a 4, and honestly, nothing seemed to be accomplished after all of it. Those scores seemed to reflect discipine, which is good, and it's essential to achieving what you want, but discipline on its own isn't worth much, other than aesthetics. So you could wake up right at x oclock, right on the dot, finish breakfast etc in 15 minutes sharp, kick ass at work, but then slack after work, and that would earn a 2 or 3 in the current system. Supposing your kicking ass at work didn't affect your pay, nor did it do anything to improve anyone else's condition in the world, you really haven't changed your life, just lived within the prior existing paradigm. If I get a positive score, I have to be able to point to something at least fairly concrete that I can show is worth something that I generated during the day. If I undermined something that was worth something during the day, I'm doing worse.
Goal: End each month with a 300$ surplus from my income.
Say you calculate things and figure out that you'll have enough discretionary money to go out to eat twice a week, at a cheap restaurant. The first time you do it, it wouldn't affect the score. The second time it wouldn't affect it either. The third time you'd give yourself a minus, and if you did it so much that you actually ended the month with less money than you started the month, you'd get a -3
Goal: Learn language X
This is the type of goal that you could easily regress with. Say you invested two weeks of solid effort starting a program. Then you stopped for two weeks, then when you picked up again, you were as good as you were when you started. Well, you'd have to give yourself as many minus points as you did plus points.
Goal: Get girl X to go out with me
Day 1-you're macking on girl x, and she flirts back, and gives you her phone number...this would warrant a plus score
Day 2-you can girl x and lose it and act like an idiot on the phone and she hangs up on you, or becomes lukewarm..this would warrant a negative score.
Goal: Build a hut in the woods
Week 1-you rock it like Thoreau, nail some boards, etc.
Over the next few weeks-the weather forcast says snow, you figure you should throw a tarp over your shit, but you get lazy. It snows, and you let it pile up and sit there without cleaning it off. Weeks later, when the snow melts, you discover that the boards started to rot and fell apart. This would warrant negative points.
Basically, I feel like some goals are one step, clearly accomplished or not type things, like going to the bank. A task like this would not affect your score. There are some tasks that you can only move forward in, like reading a book. That would get you a positive if you did it, but a zero if you didn't. Then there are tasks that are a continuum, and you move up the continuum until you achieve the goal. In these, when it's possible to slide back down, that's where the negative score comes in. My whole thinking behind this was that I wanted to emphasize actual change in the real conditions of your life. In the fall, I'd get a 2 or a 3 or a 4, and honestly, nothing seemed to be accomplished after all of it. Those scores seemed to reflect discipine, which is good, and it's essential to achieving what you want, but discipline on its own isn't worth much, other than aesthetics. So you could wake up right at x oclock, right on the dot, finish breakfast etc in 15 minutes sharp, kick ass at work, but then slack after work, and that would earn a 2 or 3 in the current system. Supposing your kicking ass at work didn't affect your pay, nor did it do anything to improve anyone else's condition in the world, you really haven't changed your life, just lived within the prior existing paradigm. If I get a positive score, I have to be able to point to something at least fairly concrete that I can show is worth something that I generated during the day. If I undermined something that was worth something during the day, I'm doing worse.
A word of clarification about my proposed system. It has nothing to do with ethics in the sense that I think people normally mean ethics. It's about being effective--applying your will to making things happen. Hitler's rise to power in Germany would have earned him straight 2s and 3s. So obviously, especially with that example, I want to say that this system is not meant to score everything that's important in life. Overall, I think ethics is the most important thing. If you don't have ethics, you don't have shit. You could decide that becoming more ethical is one of your goals, in which case you would be grading ethics, but the fact that it's ethics would only be incidental to the fact that it's a goal. I feel like Dan and I, at least, are struggling to execute our will, make dreams reality. This is a difficult thing, and encouraging this is what I had in mind when conceiving the new system.
Score for 1/10: 1
I did everything I wanted to do today in order to advance myself. I worked out for a while, wrote two pages in my book... also, I got a lot done in terms of planning and preparation for making Eva's birthday cool. Once I start budgeting I can count working as an advancement since I will know that my money will be accumulating.
Score for 1/10: 1
I did everything I wanted to do today in order to advance myself. I worked out for a while, wrote two pages in my book... also, I got a lot done in terms of planning and preparation for making Eva's birthday cool. Once I start budgeting I can count working as an advancement since I will know that my money will be accumulating.
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