Outcome: "Win"
Record: 40-1
Streak: Won 2
Summary: Hell yeah. I worked all day in Baltimore, learning quickly on the spot. I'm into the company and the work they do. I came back and wrote for two hours. Tomorrow I'll put in my last hour of writing for the week. Starting next week my writing schedule is going to be different because of the program, but I'm not sure how exactly.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Friday, November 10, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 39-1
Streak: Won 1
Summary: I rebounded nicely today. I controlled my emotions very well, especially considering the circumstances, I worked, by the end of the night I will have taken care of some administrative things like setting up the printer and paying bills, but the big thing was putting in my first shift in Baltimore. I think this might be a great thing.
Record: 39-1
Streak: Won 1
Summary: I rebounded nicely today. I controlled my emotions very well, especially considering the circumstances, I worked, by the end of the night I will have taken care of some administrative things like setting up the printer and paying bills, but the big thing was putting in my first shift in Baltimore. I think this might be a great thing.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Outcome: "Loss"
Record: 38-1
Streak: Lost 1
Summary: *update* wow, this sucks, but I need to preserve the integrity of the system. Like I said, I needed to be strong tonight and I wasn't. I could have approached the personal thing that's going on better. I could have had much better control of my emotions. I could have done a much better job cleaning up. Talking with Dan was nice, but I didn't get off the phone when I needed to. Then I shot some balls on the pool table and read Philly magazine without observing the rules from HTRAB. Basically I was like the Eagles tonight. I scraped out a win, and then I just let it slip away into a stupid loss that shouldn't have been. Admittedly, today was extremely tough, but I need to do better. I know I can do better, and I will do better.
Today was the toughest day of my current streak. In fact, it would take very little for me to change it to a loss. The rest of the night must be dead on. But still, even with what I've done, I'm quite proud of myself.
The reason that it was hard was because of some personal shit that's going on. I wanted to say fuck it more than ever today, but I stayed strong in every aspect. I worked hard at work, wrote for an hour, advanced my French to the point where I'm sure I'll finish comfortably tomorrow, and I spent an hour on "b". To make my situation worse, I made a mistake on "b", compounding my emotional turmoil, plus I think I'm getting sick, I didn't sleep well last night, and there was something that had been clear in "b" that became unclear. But I think I made it through this one.
Record: 38-1
Streak: Lost 1
Summary: *update* wow, this sucks, but I need to preserve the integrity of the system. Like I said, I needed to be strong tonight and I wasn't. I could have approached the personal thing that's going on better. I could have had much better control of my emotions. I could have done a much better job cleaning up. Talking with Dan was nice, but I didn't get off the phone when I needed to. Then I shot some balls on the pool table and read Philly magazine without observing the rules from HTRAB. Basically I was like the Eagles tonight. I scraped out a win, and then I just let it slip away into a stupid loss that shouldn't have been. Admittedly, today was extremely tough, but I need to do better. I know I can do better, and I will do better.
Today was the toughest day of my current streak. In fact, it would take very little for me to change it to a loss. The rest of the night must be dead on. But still, even with what I've done, I'm quite proud of myself.
The reason that it was hard was because of some personal shit that's going on. I wanted to say fuck it more than ever today, but I stayed strong in every aspect. I worked hard at work, wrote for an hour, advanced my French to the point where I'm sure I'll finish comfortably tomorrow, and I spent an hour on "b". To make my situation worse, I made a mistake on "b", compounding my emotional turmoil, plus I think I'm getting sick, I didn't sleep well last night, and there was something that had been clear in "b" that became unclear. But I think I made it through this one.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 38-0
Streak: 38
Summary: I took a barista class tonight, so maybe I could work at your coffee shop Dan. Espresso pulled correctly is a beautiful thing. I saved up an hour of time, put in an hour on the novel, did some stuff for "b", including a lengthy phone conversation, and took my barista class. I've felt meloncholy all day, but I perservered by force of will. That's a good thing. Maybe when the stoic, peaceful monk state of mind isn't happening, your only option left is to switch to warrior mode (power through everything).
I've been reading this book called The Artist's Way, which was recommended to me by the St. John's tutor I talked to a few weeks ago. It's a 12 or 15 week program (I can't remember which), with specific time requirements and tasks to complete. I'm fully committing myself to it. I haven't sat down and adjusted my schedule to accomodate it, but there's a good chance that my novel writing will be suspended (since the program is ultimately in service of the novel). That's not to say that I won't write at all. Maybe I'll continue putting in 6-10 hours a week, or maybe I'll cut down, or a third possibility would be that I have zero time to work on it. It's ok though, because I have patience, and in time it'll all happen. I'm just making it even better by doing the course.
Record: 38-0
Streak: 38
Summary: I took a barista class tonight, so maybe I could work at your coffee shop Dan. Espresso pulled correctly is a beautiful thing. I saved up an hour of time, put in an hour on the novel, did some stuff for "b", including a lengthy phone conversation, and took my barista class. I've felt meloncholy all day, but I perservered by force of will. That's a good thing. Maybe when the stoic, peaceful monk state of mind isn't happening, your only option left is to switch to warrior mode (power through everything).
I've been reading this book called The Artist's Way, which was recommended to me by the St. John's tutor I talked to a few weeks ago. It's a 12 or 15 week program (I can't remember which), with specific time requirements and tasks to complete. I'm fully committing myself to it. I haven't sat down and adjusted my schedule to accomodate it, but there's a good chance that my novel writing will be suspended (since the program is ultimately in service of the novel). That's not to say that I won't write at all. Maybe I'll continue putting in 6-10 hours a week, or maybe I'll cut down, or a third possibility would be that I have zero time to work on it. It's ok though, because I have patience, and in time it'll all happen. I'm just making it even better by doing the course.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 37-0
Streak: 37
Summary: Hell yeah--I feel very good about today. I would have given it a 5 under the old system. Executed masterfully on the details, got my first big break on "b", which is some contract work in Baltimore, made a call, wrote an e-mail, set up an appointment with an advisor at the community college to talk about classes I might take to prepare for the program at Penn, wrote for an hour, voted, made a great push on French, and tonight I'll do some cleaning/admin and read for at least an hour.
The herbal tea is working, no doubt. I love it. Also, I think I need to eat a little more at lunch, since I've been feeling hungry around 4, and if I stay at work until 6, I can either suffer or eat something from work that isn't very healthy. I don't need much more, just a bit more.
There was one excellent thing that I did today, which I hope to repeat in the future. I worked when it was time to work, and when, for example, I started worrying about "b", or freaking out about writing, I told myself that the time for those things would come around, and at that time I can address my concerns. In the meantime, just calm down and work; don't think about anything else. Obviously, I did the same thing when it was time to focus on "b" or time to write. This is just one more way of trusting my reason and controlling my emotions. It's satisfying for me to visualize something like the ancient Greek fates at their spinning wheel, to picture someone or something else moving a great wheel of time, and all I have to do is sit back and relax, because I know I'm getting my portion. I literally don't have to do shit. If I plan an hour for writing and an hour for "b", I am guaranteed those hours, so I need not worry when I'm not working on them--the time will come.
Record: 37-0
Streak: 37
Summary: Hell yeah--I feel very good about today. I would have given it a 5 under the old system. Executed masterfully on the details, got my first big break on "b", which is some contract work in Baltimore, made a call, wrote an e-mail, set up an appointment with an advisor at the community college to talk about classes I might take to prepare for the program at Penn, wrote for an hour, voted, made a great push on French, and tonight I'll do some cleaning/admin and read for at least an hour.
The herbal tea is working, no doubt. I love it. Also, I think I need to eat a little more at lunch, since I've been feeling hungry around 4, and if I stay at work until 6, I can either suffer or eat something from work that isn't very healthy. I don't need much more, just a bit more.
There was one excellent thing that I did today, which I hope to repeat in the future. I worked when it was time to work, and when, for example, I started worrying about "b", or freaking out about writing, I told myself that the time for those things would come around, and at that time I can address my concerns. In the meantime, just calm down and work; don't think about anything else. Obviously, I did the same thing when it was time to focus on "b" or time to write. This is just one more way of trusting my reason and controlling my emotions. It's satisfying for me to visualize something like the ancient Greek fates at their spinning wheel, to picture someone or something else moving a great wheel of time, and all I have to do is sit back and relax, because I know I'm getting my portion. I literally don't have to do shit. If I plan an hour for writing and an hour for "b", I am guaranteed those hours, so I need not worry when I'm not working on them--the time will come.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 36-0
Streak: 36
Summary: Nice start on French, hour and a half surplus of time at work, and organized my materials plus wrote an email for "b".
I made an adjustment to my daily schedule (making sure it was done rationally and calmly, ahead of time, a la my last post). So, I have a 1/2 hour for lunch at work. My old schedule was to eat and read some periodicals about Philly (Philly mag or Inquirer) for the first 15 minutes, and then do my french for the second 15 minutes. I decided this was too harsh. There a varieties of particular circumstances that made this stressful, all of which are too boring to get into here (if I could adequately convey them in the first place). So starting today my new schedule is to eat and relax for 15 minutes, even to meditate (breathe deeply and clear my mind), and then hit the French for 15 minutes. I could tell that I was more relaxed and productive as a result of my schedule adjustment. The other thing that made me want to do it was thinking about Saturday night--after I read analytically, in accordance with the rules from HTRAB, I burned out in an hour and a half. Now I'll read Philly mag or the Inquirer if I need a rest, that way I'm still keeping up to date and enjoying those sources of information, but I'm doing it in a non-stressful, in fact, rejuvinating fashion.
I also had the herbal tea for the first time. I think it worked, but its effects were subtle. I'll keep with it for a while.
Record: 36-0
Streak: 36
Summary: Nice start on French, hour and a half surplus of time at work, and organized my materials plus wrote an email for "b".
I made an adjustment to my daily schedule (making sure it was done rationally and calmly, ahead of time, a la my last post). So, I have a 1/2 hour for lunch at work. My old schedule was to eat and read some periodicals about Philly (Philly mag or Inquirer) for the first 15 minutes, and then do my french for the second 15 minutes. I decided this was too harsh. There a varieties of particular circumstances that made this stressful, all of which are too boring to get into here (if I could adequately convey them in the first place). So starting today my new schedule is to eat and relax for 15 minutes, even to meditate (breathe deeply and clear my mind), and then hit the French for 15 minutes. I could tell that I was more relaxed and productive as a result of my schedule adjustment. The other thing that made me want to do it was thinking about Saturday night--after I read analytically, in accordance with the rules from HTRAB, I burned out in an hour and a half. Now I'll read Philly mag or the Inquirer if I need a rest, that way I'm still keeping up to date and enjoying those sources of information, but I'm doing it in a non-stressful, in fact, rejuvinating fashion.
I also had the herbal tea for the first time. I think it worked, but its effects were subtle. I'll keep with it for a while.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 35-0
Streak: 35
Summary: Chilled, talked with Ben, made breakfast, watched Eva's soccer game, cleaned up, watched part of the movie Indochine, and after this I'm going to make my lunches for next week and eat dinner.
End of Week Summary: Another solid effort. I'm doing well with work, "b", and writing. Actually, I could push a bit harder with writing, but it's still completely satisfactory. How did I do with my goal from last week, about being more calm and efficient with my energy? I did well. I could do better. That's how it goes, but I'm still fighting, and as long as I don't give up, I'll get there. I picked up some herbal stress relieving tea from Whole Foods yesterday, and I'm going to start making myself a cup as soon as I get home. I have two specific goals for next week.
1. Continue working on my mental composure. Not much to say about this.
2. Here's a new one: be more rigid about obeying myself and only changing my policies and plans as a result of careful reasoning. Here's an example of what I'm talking about. I made a policy not to look at ESPN crap, because it's a waste of time. Instead, I committed to using that time for reading to understand (to use the phrase from HTRAB). Last night I practiced analytical reading from HTRAB for a while, but it was immensely taxing on my mental endurance. My head was throbbing! It was dumb to continue reading in the same fashion, so I just let myself fuck around online, including looking at ESPN. My quick rationale was that I had read as much as I could, and since I needed a break, and Saturday nights are for recharging anyway, it was cool if I just had a casual fuck-around session on the internet. Regardless of whether my impulse was sound, it wasn't done in a serious, rational way. My emotions were doing the talking and of course they're going to come up with some way to justify whatever they want to do. I need to be rigid with myself--if a part of myself wants to do one thing that I have forbidden, I need to make an appeal to my rational mind, to have the rule amended or revoked. After a serious session of contemplation, I can change my mind, but only if there's good reason. I can't just let my desire take the reigns and do what it wants. If it goes too far, of course I'd give myself an automatic loss. I don't think what I did last night warrants a loss, but I want to be more strict with myself in the future.
Record: 35-0
Streak: 35
Summary: Chilled, talked with Ben, made breakfast, watched Eva's soccer game, cleaned up, watched part of the movie Indochine, and after this I'm going to make my lunches for next week and eat dinner.
End of Week Summary: Another solid effort. I'm doing well with work, "b", and writing. Actually, I could push a bit harder with writing, but it's still completely satisfactory. How did I do with my goal from last week, about being more calm and efficient with my energy? I did well. I could do better. That's how it goes, but I'm still fighting, and as long as I don't give up, I'll get there. I picked up some herbal stress relieving tea from Whole Foods yesterday, and I'm going to start making myself a cup as soon as I get home. I have two specific goals for next week.
1. Continue working on my mental composure. Not much to say about this.
2. Here's a new one: be more rigid about obeying myself and only changing my policies and plans as a result of careful reasoning. Here's an example of what I'm talking about. I made a policy not to look at ESPN crap, because it's a waste of time. Instead, I committed to using that time for reading to understand (to use the phrase from HTRAB). Last night I practiced analytical reading from HTRAB for a while, but it was immensely taxing on my mental endurance. My head was throbbing! It was dumb to continue reading in the same fashion, so I just let myself fuck around online, including looking at ESPN. My quick rationale was that I had read as much as I could, and since I needed a break, and Saturday nights are for recharging anyway, it was cool if I just had a casual fuck-around session on the internet. Regardless of whether my impulse was sound, it wasn't done in a serious, rational way. My emotions were doing the talking and of course they're going to come up with some way to justify whatever they want to do. I need to be rigid with myself--if a part of myself wants to do one thing that I have forbidden, I need to make an appeal to my rational mind, to have the rule amended or revoked. After a serious session of contemplation, I can change my mind, but only if there's good reason. I can't just let my desire take the reigns and do what it wants. If it goes too far, of course I'd give myself an automatic loss. I don't think what I did last night warrants a loss, but I want to be more strict with myself in the future.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 34-0
Streak: 34
Summary: Talk about bullshit: I was shopping for a USB cable to connect my new printer, and the ones I found seemed outrageously expensive. $20 at Staples and $35 at Best Buy. What the hell? I don't remember simple cables being that ridiculously expensive. They cost as much as some of the cheaper inkjets. I refrained from making a purchase, and when I got home, I looked on newegg, which is where I got my printer, and I found one for $1. ONE DOLLAR! What is going on with that mark-up? A 3,400% mark-up is worse than wine at a fancy restaurant. Anyway, put a point on the board for frugality (I feel virtuous with my laser printer and $1 cable; I may never go to a brick and mortar electronics store again).
I shopped, had a nice lunch with Eva, stayed calm and relaxed most of the time (shopping on Saturdays is often one of the most stressful times of my week), I'm going to put in an hour of writing, and then I'm going to work on my outline of How to Read a Book. It was a nice day overall--I especially enjoyed the colors outside.
Record: 34-0
Streak: 34
Summary: Talk about bullshit: I was shopping for a USB cable to connect my new printer, and the ones I found seemed outrageously expensive. $20 at Staples and $35 at Best Buy. What the hell? I don't remember simple cables being that ridiculously expensive. They cost as much as some of the cheaper inkjets. I refrained from making a purchase, and when I got home, I looked on newegg, which is where I got my printer, and I found one for $1. ONE DOLLAR! What is going on with that mark-up? A 3,400% mark-up is worse than wine at a fancy restaurant. Anyway, put a point on the board for frugality (I feel virtuous with my laser printer and $1 cable; I may never go to a brick and mortar electronics store again).
I shopped, had a nice lunch with Eva, stayed calm and relaxed most of the time (shopping on Saturdays is often one of the most stressful times of my week), I'm going to put in an hour of writing, and then I'm going to work on my outline of How to Read a Book. It was a nice day overall--I especially enjoyed the colors outside.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 33-0
Streak: 33
Summary: worked, finished my french lesson, went to my meeting in Baltimore, and wrote for two hours. The meeting was great. The person was helpful and encouraging. I'm 99% sure that I'm going for the Penn M.Arch degree with a certificate in ecological design. I got some contacts and things to look into.
Record: 33-0
Streak: 33
Summary: worked, finished my french lesson, went to my meeting in Baltimore, and wrote for two hours. The meeting was great. The person was helpful and encouraging. I'm 99% sure that I'm going for the Penn M.Arch degree with a certificate in ecological design. I got some contacts and things to look into.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 32-0
Streak: 32
Summary: other than the usual, finished writing the hardest section of the novel so far, wrote two e-mails for "b" and printed out some materials for my meeting tomorrow. I skated for the first time in months tonight. It sucks because everytime I stop I'm back to square one when I start. I'm back at my 8th grade level, so to speak. Oh well, fuck it, it's fun. I also realized that I love lasagna. I made a pan tonight for dinner, and it blew my mind. Listening to Satie right now. So beautiful. Les trois sarabandes, gymnopedies, et gnossiennes.
Record: 32-0
Streak: 32
Summary: other than the usual, finished writing the hardest section of the novel so far, wrote two e-mails for "b" and printed out some materials for my meeting tomorrow. I skated for the first time in months tonight. It sucks because everytime I stop I'm back to square one when I start. I'm back at my 8th grade level, so to speak. Oh well, fuck it, it's fun. I also realized that I love lasagna. I made a pan tonight for dinner, and it blew my mind. Listening to Satie right now. So beautiful. Les trois sarabandes, gymnopedies, et gnossiennes.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Outcome: “Win”
Record: 30-0
Streak: 30
Summary: In keeping with my goal of cultivating a tranquil state of mind, I took a refreshing break for an hour and a half this afternoon. I rode my bike around the neighborhoods, looking at the trees, and I chilled out on a dock to watch the sun set. I also drank some herbal tea at work. I observed my ethics, wrote for an hour, and made a strategic move in “b”. I have two hours surplus at work still, which I think I’ll use Friday for a meeting for “b”.
Monthly Summary: The biggest thing is that I think I’ve found my system. It’s flexible enough that it can change as needed while still retaining its fundamental identity. To use the language of a famous proverb, I’ve figured out how to fish, and even though the catch might fluctuate, I’m still going to be eating. One big testament to the system’s quality, aside from the 30 days themselves, is the fact that the 30 days haven’t felt hard, barring one or two. That’s huge, namely, that the system be sustainable.
Objectively I’ve done a lot. I checked the blog and I hadn’t started actually writing my second novel draft before the 30 days began. In that time, I’ve completed about 17% of my second, almost polished draft. So in five more months, maximum, I should have a solid draft. I know that sounds like a lot, but I don’t care, because I’m moving forward with my other plans, and I’m not going to rush my writing. It’s infinitely better than last year in the sense that it’s actually something, i.e, more than zero. Those months will be over before any of us know it.
Plan b went from a vague concept to a tangible project. I’m meeting with someone in Baltimore on Friday who runs a sustainable design firm, and I’ve been in contact with several other environmentally related organizations in the area. I’ve also been writing to Upenn about their program and beginning the process of putting together my application.
My ethics have been overall solid this month. Not much to say about that in such a public forum, as much of that has to do with personal relationships.
I’ve also been sure to put in full, honest days of labor at work. It’s been annoying at times, since my true interests are suspended while I’m there. But I’ve used the time well given the weird schedule.
So I'm picking this up where I left off, and I can't remember the order of thoughts that I had in my head yesterday. Incidentally, I had a meaningful ethics victory last night and today, but that type of stuff I don't really want to put into the blog.
Objectively speaking, I wrote 17% of my book. Next month I would like to at least continue at this rate. I picked up a book about writing that was recommended to me by a St. John's tutor. It will probably affect my approach, but I'm not sure if it'll effect my absolute output. With regard to "b", I narrowed down my interests, first of all. At the beginning of the month I was trying to everyone about what I want to do since it wasn't focused. Now I'm much more focused, I think the Penn program in architecture would probably suit my interests well, and the path between where I am and there seems somewhat clear to me. I also have 1 internship that I might get that I've already applied to, one very promising contact in Annapolis, and a meeting on friday with someone in Baltimore. I have plans about next month, but I'll keep them to myself at the moment. Work was straightforward, but even with the job that I have I saved a respectable amount of money. I'm not stressing about money at any rate. Next month will be more of the same. (Not that I have the mythical 7 that's being chased around here, but I'm good for now). I've been getting into much better shape. I don't know how much weight I lost in this last month, but overall I've lost about 30 lbs. I don't know what weight at which I want to stop my descent--it'll more be a question of when my body looks right to me. More of the same next month, which should be a lot, considering what I've done this month. In French I've been keeping a steady pace. I'll keep going with 1 lesson a week, which means I'll finish my program in three months. It sounds like a lot, but I just need that 15 minutes a day. I'm also going to start reading Harry Potter in French to master the level of elementary reading in that language, to use the How to Read a Book term. After that I'll start reading heavier stuff. Speaking of reading, now I'm going to apply the system from the aformentioned book (not Harry Potter) whenever I read. I'm extremely psyched about the growth of understanding that it should bring.
Record: 30-0
Streak: 30
Summary: In keeping with my goal of cultivating a tranquil state of mind, I took a refreshing break for an hour and a half this afternoon. I rode my bike around the neighborhoods, looking at the trees, and I chilled out on a dock to watch the sun set. I also drank some herbal tea at work. I observed my ethics, wrote for an hour, and made a strategic move in “b”. I have two hours surplus at work still, which I think I’ll use Friday for a meeting for “b”.
Monthly Summary: The biggest thing is that I think I’ve found my system. It’s flexible enough that it can change as needed while still retaining its fundamental identity. To use the language of a famous proverb, I’ve figured out how to fish, and even though the catch might fluctuate, I’m still going to be eating. One big testament to the system’s quality, aside from the 30 days themselves, is the fact that the 30 days haven’t felt hard, barring one or two. That’s huge, namely, that the system be sustainable.
Objectively I’ve done a lot. I checked the blog and I hadn’t started actually writing my second novel draft before the 30 days began. In that time, I’ve completed about 17% of my second, almost polished draft. So in five more months, maximum, I should have a solid draft. I know that sounds like a lot, but I don’t care, because I’m moving forward with my other plans, and I’m not going to rush my writing. It’s infinitely better than last year in the sense that it’s actually something, i.e, more than zero. Those months will be over before any of us know it.
Plan b went from a vague concept to a tangible project. I’m meeting with someone in Baltimore on Friday who runs a sustainable design firm, and I’ve been in contact with several other environmentally related organizations in the area. I’ve also been writing to Upenn about their program and beginning the process of putting together my application.
My ethics have been overall solid this month. Not much to say about that in such a public forum, as much of that has to do with personal relationships.
I’ve also been sure to put in full, honest days of labor at work. It’s been annoying at times, since my true interests are suspended while I’m there. But I’ve used the time well given the weird schedule.
So I'm picking this up where I left off, and I can't remember the order of thoughts that I had in my head yesterday. Incidentally, I had a meaningful ethics victory last night and today, but that type of stuff I don't really want to put into the blog.
Objectively speaking, I wrote 17% of my book. Next month I would like to at least continue at this rate. I picked up a book about writing that was recommended to me by a St. John's tutor. It will probably affect my approach, but I'm not sure if it'll effect my absolute output. With regard to "b", I narrowed down my interests, first of all. At the beginning of the month I was trying to everyone about what I want to do since it wasn't focused. Now I'm much more focused, I think the Penn program in architecture would probably suit my interests well, and the path between where I am and there seems somewhat clear to me. I also have 1 internship that I might get that I've already applied to, one very promising contact in Annapolis, and a meeting on friday with someone in Baltimore. I have plans about next month, but I'll keep them to myself at the moment. Work was straightforward, but even with the job that I have I saved a respectable amount of money. I'm not stressing about money at any rate. Next month will be more of the same. (Not that I have the mythical 7 that's being chased around here, but I'm good for now). I've been getting into much better shape. I don't know how much weight I lost in this last month, but overall I've lost about 30 lbs. I don't know what weight at which I want to stop my descent--it'll more be a question of when my body looks right to me. More of the same next month, which should be a lot, considering what I've done this month. In French I've been keeping a steady pace. I'll keep going with 1 lesson a week, which means I'll finish my program in three months. It sounds like a lot, but I just need that 15 minutes a day. I'm also going to start reading Harry Potter in French to master the level of elementary reading in that language, to use the How to Read a Book term. After that I'll start reading heavier stuff. Speaking of reading, now I'm going to apply the system from the aformentioned book (not Harry Potter) whenever I read. I'm extremely psyched about the growth of understanding that it should bring.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 29-0
Streak: 29
Summary: Good ethics, worked very hard, stored up two hours for writing later in the week, and put in a solid hour on project b. I also got a great start on my French for this week, actually pulling ahead of my normal mark. I plan to do at least 1 hour of reading tonight. I'm making a chart for the system presented in How to Read a Book. Seriously, read it.
This morning I was thinking about ideal states of mind. One state of mind which has some virtues and is generally respected is the warrior state of mind. In this state of mind you are a beast, and everything you have to do is like a battle in which you're going to dominate your opponent. It's all about intensity. I like this state of mind in some respects, but I am pretty sure that it's not the best. I think it's better to be rational, calm, and optimistic. This ties into my whole thing about psychic energy. So, in following up on my stated area for improvement in my weekly summary, I'm going to cultivate the compassionate monk's state of mind. That will be in the forefront of my challenges. I want to relax my stomach muscles and breathe deeply. I want to be slow to anger and quick to forgiveness. I want to focus on one task at a time, calm and reassured that everything will get done in due time because I have crafted a rationally sound plan. I will save energy and be less prone to fucking up, freaking out, and mistreating others. This is my hypothesis.
Record: 29-0
Streak: 29
Summary: Good ethics, worked very hard, stored up two hours for writing later in the week, and put in a solid hour on project b. I also got a great start on my French for this week, actually pulling ahead of my normal mark. I plan to do at least 1 hour of reading tonight. I'm making a chart for the system presented in How to Read a Book. Seriously, read it.
This morning I was thinking about ideal states of mind. One state of mind which has some virtues and is generally respected is the warrior state of mind. In this state of mind you are a beast, and everything you have to do is like a battle in which you're going to dominate your opponent. It's all about intensity. I like this state of mind in some respects, but I am pretty sure that it's not the best. I think it's better to be rational, calm, and optimistic. This ties into my whole thing about psychic energy. So, in following up on my stated area for improvement in my weekly summary, I'm going to cultivate the compassionate monk's state of mind. That will be in the forefront of my challenges. I want to relax my stomach muscles and breathe deeply. I want to be slow to anger and quick to forgiveness. I want to focus on one task at a time, calm and reassured that everything will get done in due time because I have crafted a rationally sound plan. I will save energy and be less prone to fucking up, freaking out, and mistreating others. This is my hypothesis.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 28-0
Streak: 28
Summary: At first I couldn't make it for an entire week and now it's been four. I would think that I'd be happier than I am now, but I feel like shit. Probably because of the Eagles. Win or lose, I'll still root for them and watch the games.
Week in Review
Things I did well:
1. Put in a solid effort on the novel.
2. Put in a solid effort at work.
3. Read a lot--finished How to Read a Book for the first time, and last night I blasted through Encyclopedia of Manliness, although that wasn't "reading for understanding" as Adler and Van Doren put it, it was "reading for entertainment", so it's less of an accomplishment, if it's an accomplishment at all.
4. Made a few strong moves on project b. It's tough at times because my problem is precisely that I don't have a place to start, which is what I need to solve me problem. But I'm getting there, and I know that soon things will take off.
5. Finished an entire French lesson, as planned.
6. Didn't let the Eagles loss affect me too adversely.
Things I need to work on:
1. Controlling my feeling of being hurried and my irrational stress. Saturday was kind of bad. I have two strategies for this. One is to continue doing what I have been doing, which is to meditate and work on cultivating a calm, rational state of mind. This works sometimes and doesn't work other times. I think over all I'm winning that battle. The other thing is looking into therapy. Before I can do that I need insurance. And before I get that I'd need to get another job.
That's about it for stuff that's glaring. I just need to maintain, continue plugging away and executing on the big stuff. Ethics, book, project b, and work, that comprises "the big stuff".
Record: 28-0
Streak: 28
Summary: At first I couldn't make it for an entire week and now it's been four. I would think that I'd be happier than I am now, but I feel like shit. Probably because of the Eagles. Win or lose, I'll still root for them and watch the games.
Week in Review
Things I did well:
1. Put in a solid effort on the novel.
2. Put in a solid effort at work.
3. Read a lot--finished How to Read a Book for the first time, and last night I blasted through Encyclopedia of Manliness, although that wasn't "reading for understanding" as Adler and Van Doren put it, it was "reading for entertainment", so it's less of an accomplishment, if it's an accomplishment at all.
4. Made a few strong moves on project b. It's tough at times because my problem is precisely that I don't have a place to start, which is what I need to solve me problem. But I'm getting there, and I know that soon things will take off.
5. Finished an entire French lesson, as planned.
6. Didn't let the Eagles loss affect me too adversely.
Things I need to work on:
1. Controlling my feeling of being hurried and my irrational stress. Saturday was kind of bad. I have two strategies for this. One is to continue doing what I have been doing, which is to meditate and work on cultivating a calm, rational state of mind. This works sometimes and doesn't work other times. I think over all I'm winning that battle. The other thing is looking into therapy. Before I can do that I need insurance. And before I get that I'd need to get another job.
That's about it for stuff that's glaring. I just need to maintain, continue plugging away and executing on the big stuff. Ethics, book, project b, and work, that comprises "the big stuff".
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 27-0
Streak: 27
Summary: Spent the morning with Eva, went shopping, bought my own copy of How To Read A Book, unpacked groceries, cleaned, did laundry, worked on the novel for an hour, and for the rest of the night I'm reading. 3 things.
1. Last night, when I went to hang out with Christian, I had an unexpected meeting with a tutor from Santa Fe, who was here for the board meeting. It was great talking to him. He was encouraging and made me feel like even last year, during a time when I basically felt like a piece of garbage, I was doing good things. We talked about a lot of stuff, and it was refreshing to have conversation of that quality again.
2. How to Read a Book is fucking awesome. I'm a few pages away from the end, but as soon as I finish, I'm going to read it again and create a wall chart based on the method in the book. I can recognize the merits of their method, and I will use it whenever I can.
3. I was so stressed out while shopping today. Mentally I was just freaking out. Everything was fucking with me. I ate a piece of chocolate and felt like I ruined my good work up until now, and when I bought the book, I felt guilty about spending the money. I was guilty and angry the whole time. People moving too slow at the store made me want to scream. My lack of mental composure almost made me give myself a loss. Fortunately I was able to work very hard to counteract my freak out, drank lots of water and took a flaxseed oil pill, and eventually I calmed down. I feel like I overcame whatever that was. One day when money isn't an issue, I think I'll check out therapy. I can recognize better and worse overall states of mental health in my own past and theraputic things that I've done for myself, like reading and thinking. Still, I'm curious about clinical psychology and whether it might be able to better my life. We'll see. For right now I feel good about my situation.
Record: 27-0
Streak: 27
Summary: Spent the morning with Eva, went shopping, bought my own copy of How To Read A Book, unpacked groceries, cleaned, did laundry, worked on the novel for an hour, and for the rest of the night I'm reading. 3 things.
1. Last night, when I went to hang out with Christian, I had an unexpected meeting with a tutor from Santa Fe, who was here for the board meeting. It was great talking to him. He was encouraging and made me feel like even last year, during a time when I basically felt like a piece of garbage, I was doing good things. We talked about a lot of stuff, and it was refreshing to have conversation of that quality again.
2. How to Read a Book is fucking awesome. I'm a few pages away from the end, but as soon as I finish, I'm going to read it again and create a wall chart based on the method in the book. I can recognize the merits of their method, and I will use it whenever I can.
3. I was so stressed out while shopping today. Mentally I was just freaking out. Everything was fucking with me. I ate a piece of chocolate and felt like I ruined my good work up until now, and when I bought the book, I felt guilty about spending the money. I was guilty and angry the whole time. People moving too slow at the store made me want to scream. My lack of mental composure almost made me give myself a loss. Fortunately I was able to work very hard to counteract my freak out, drank lots of water and took a flaxseed oil pill, and eventually I calmed down. I feel like I overcame whatever that was. One day when money isn't an issue, I think I'll check out therapy. I can recognize better and worse overall states of mental health in my own past and theraputic things that I've done for myself, like reading and thinking. Still, I'm curious about clinical psychology and whether it might be able to better my life. We'll see. For right now I feel good about my situation.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 26-0
Streak: 26
Summary: Friday's are tough because often I have a big chunk of time where I'm just sitting by myself in my house with the intention of writing or doing research. If there's ever a situation where I'm prone to fucking up, that's it right there. But I kept up my effort. I put in my time at work, even getting a half hour extra for next week, finished a long lesson 6 in French (I've been working on that every day even if I don't write about it), wrote to admissions at Penn about one of their programs, contacted the Department of Natural Resources in Maryland to see about internships, took down some information about classes, and wrote two chapters in the book. After posting I will probably order a printer and write a thank-you note to my granddad.
Yeah, being fat is morally shameful, unless it is caused by an actual illness or some other unavoidable condition. There was a day when I was sitting on a bench in one of the busiest sections of Annapolis, and for about 30 seconds there wasn't a single, non-fat person in my field of vision. I was totally shocked. I don't know what made me think about it, but when I did, I was blown away by the fact that out of probably hundreds of people in front of me, 100% of them were fat.
I understand the temptation of food and the difficulty of exercise, and I even felt like I might have been able to consider myself fat for a little while last year, but it's still shameful. Addressing that has been one of the focal points of my new program. Speaking of which, I weighed myself today and I dropped another pound, so I'm down to 178 after starting at above 200. And that weight loss is just from eating better, not necessarily from going to the gym. I jog sometimes and ride my bike, and I also try to scale this wall by my apartment every time I pass it, but I don't go to the gym.
Record: 26-0
Streak: 26
Summary: Friday's are tough because often I have a big chunk of time where I'm just sitting by myself in my house with the intention of writing or doing research. If there's ever a situation where I'm prone to fucking up, that's it right there. But I kept up my effort. I put in my time at work, even getting a half hour extra for next week, finished a long lesson 6 in French (I've been working on that every day even if I don't write about it), wrote to admissions at Penn about one of their programs, contacted the Department of Natural Resources in Maryland to see about internships, took down some information about classes, and wrote two chapters in the book. After posting I will probably order a printer and write a thank-you note to my granddad.
Yeah, being fat is morally shameful, unless it is caused by an actual illness or some other unavoidable condition. There was a day when I was sitting on a bench in one of the busiest sections of Annapolis, and for about 30 seconds there wasn't a single, non-fat person in my field of vision. I was totally shocked. I don't know what made me think about it, but when I did, I was blown away by the fact that out of probably hundreds of people in front of me, 100% of them were fat.
I understand the temptation of food and the difficulty of exercise, and I even felt like I might have been able to consider myself fat for a little while last year, but it's still shameful. Addressing that has been one of the focal points of my new program. Speaking of which, I weighed myself today and I dropped another pound, so I'm down to 178 after starting at above 200. And that weight loss is just from eating better, not necessarily from going to the gym. I jog sometimes and ride my bike, and I also try to scale this wall by my apartment every time I pass it, but I don't go to the gym.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 25-0
Streak: 25
Summary: I used my two-fold strategy effectively again today--my preferred tact was to try to think about my situation and my tasks in a way that motivates me to do them. This worked some of the time, and when it did, it was a pleasure to be working. When it failed, my iron-fisted half took over and basically operated with pure will and reason. I find that even when I'm in mode #2, after I start a thing, I get into it and can switch into mode #1, but I need that initial jumpstart.
Record: 25-0
Streak: 25
Summary: I used my two-fold strategy effectively again today--my preferred tact was to try to think about my situation and my tasks in a way that motivates me to do them. This worked some of the time, and when it did, it was a pleasure to be working. When it failed, my iron-fisted half took over and basically operated with pure will and reason. I find that even when I'm in mode #2, after I start a thing, I get into it and can switch into mode #1, but I need that initial jumpstart.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 24-0
Streak: 24
Summary: Today was an easy win. I racked up two and a quarter hours of overtime, so I won't see the work that I would have done today until Friday. I have faith that I'll do what I need to do.
I had a nice inspiration this afternoon. Of course it's inspiration, so it'll go away soon, but in the meantime it's been good. I transcended the anxiety caused by the feeling that The State of Worthiness is somewhere that I am presently not. I was able to take pleasure and pride in ethical living fundamentally and trust that the things I plan for will come. This is the main lesson I take from Self-Reliance. I'm being vague, I know, but I only wanted to sketch the feeling.
Record: 24-0
Streak: 24
Summary: Today was an easy win. I racked up two and a quarter hours of overtime, so I won't see the work that I would have done today until Friday. I have faith that I'll do what I need to do.
I had a nice inspiration this afternoon. Of course it's inspiration, so it'll go away soon, but in the meantime it's been good. I transcended the anxiety caused by the feeling that The State of Worthiness is somewhere that I am presently not. I was able to take pleasure and pride in ethical living fundamentally and trust that the things I plan for will come. This is the main lesson I take from Self-Reliance. I'm being vague, I know, but I only wanted to sketch the feeling.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Outcome: "Win"
Record: 23-0
Streak: 23
Summary: One way we can motivate ourselves is through inspiration. I'm including changing the way you think about something in the term inspiration. When inspiration is available, it can be a powerful force. The problem with it is that it isn't always available, and when it's not, you must have a strong willpower and a clear rational grasp of what you're doing. In moments like that you simply must power through your tasks. Today was a good example of this. During the day I meditated on some principles that made me feel great about my situation, and thus I worked very hard without difficulty. At night the feeling stopped, and I couldn't bring it back, but I still had stuff to do. I basically accepted my shitty feeling and said to it that I don't care if it's there, because either way I'm going to get done what I want to get done. And I did, just powering through. Having that power is largely based on sleep, exercise, and nutrition, as far as I can tell.
Worked well, wrote for an hour, got an hour overtime, and spent 45 so-so minutes on plan b. That isn't a huge deal because I'll get that hour later this week.
Record: 23-0
Streak: 23
Summary: One way we can motivate ourselves is through inspiration. I'm including changing the way you think about something in the term inspiration. When inspiration is available, it can be a powerful force. The problem with it is that it isn't always available, and when it's not, you must have a strong willpower and a clear rational grasp of what you're doing. In moments like that you simply must power through your tasks. Today was a good example of this. During the day I meditated on some principles that made me feel great about my situation, and thus I worked very hard without difficulty. At night the feeling stopped, and I couldn't bring it back, but I still had stuff to do. I basically accepted my shitty feeling and said to it that I don't care if it's there, because either way I'm going to get done what I want to get done. And I did, just powering through. Having that power is largely based on sleep, exercise, and nutrition, as far as I can tell.
Worked well, wrote for an hour, got an hour overtime, and spent 45 so-so minutes on plan b. That isn't a huge deal because I'll get that hour later this week.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Outcome for 10/22: "Win"
Record: 21-0
Streak: 21
Summary: Chilled out at my house, watched the Eagles tragedy unfold, got hoagies, got coffee, picked up a whole Lorenzo's for everyone for dinner, drove back to Annapolis, had some cake, and went to bed.
Week in Review: Philly was fun as always. I did a good job this week (I genuinely avoided a loss). There are three key areas I want to focus on for next week. 1)I want to continue my 1 hour per day minimum writing. This worked gloriously last week, and I want to keep it up. 2) I want to make more of a push on plan b. I've already allotted at least an hour a day to it, but I need to be more aggressive. 3) Last week I could have made a more sincere effort at work, especially Friday. Not that I was straight up negligent, but perhaps I got too relaxed for a moment. Next week I want to go back to putting in impecable days (this will be a huge challenge since I'm very restless and want to be doing all writing and plan b).
Outcome for 10/23: "Win"
Record: 22-0
Streak: 22
Summary: I basically fasted today and just drank water to clear myself out. Hoagies, pizza, candy, cheesesteaks, cake, etc. will fuck you up. It fucked me up. I also didn't get enough sleep, so I'm going to bed very early tonight.
I put in a 95% solid effort at work, better than last Friday, but could have been slightly better. I just felt so crappy all day.
I spent a very good hour writing. I almost skipped it today because I was so tired, which, of course, would have warranted an automatic loss, so I powered through my tiredness.
I spent an hour working on Plan B. I contacted the director of an environmental design/"green" architecture firm in Baltimore to see about the possibly of talking to someone there about my interests.
Yeah, fucking Eagles. I don't know, in a way I feel less concerned about wins and losses after Sunday. I think if they're doing really well and obviously on track for the Super Bowl, it's like they're keeping up a perfect volley and it's crushing to drop it/lose. If they start losing a lot, and it seems like they might still make it to the Superbowl, but maybe not, losses are not as hard to bare, at least for me. I'm not saying that I've given up on this season--far from it, but it's more like I won't be super dissapointed if they don't make it to the post season. If they do, it'll b a pleasant surprise, something I didn't see coming or take for granted.
Record: 21-0
Streak: 21
Summary: Chilled out at my house, watched the Eagles tragedy unfold, got hoagies, got coffee, picked up a whole Lorenzo's for everyone for dinner, drove back to Annapolis, had some cake, and went to bed.
Week in Review: Philly was fun as always. I did a good job this week (I genuinely avoided a loss). There are three key areas I want to focus on for next week. 1)I want to continue my 1 hour per day minimum writing. This worked gloriously last week, and I want to keep it up. 2) I want to make more of a push on plan b. I've already allotted at least an hour a day to it, but I need to be more aggressive. 3) Last week I could have made a more sincere effort at work, especially Friday. Not that I was straight up negligent, but perhaps I got too relaxed for a moment. Next week I want to go back to putting in impecable days (this will be a huge challenge since I'm very restless and want to be doing all writing and plan b).
Outcome for 10/23: "Win"
Record: 22-0
Streak: 22
Summary: I basically fasted today and just drank water to clear myself out. Hoagies, pizza, candy, cheesesteaks, cake, etc. will fuck you up. It fucked me up. I also didn't get enough sleep, so I'm going to bed very early tonight.
I put in a 95% solid effort at work, better than last Friday, but could have been slightly better. I just felt so crappy all day.
I spent a very good hour writing. I almost skipped it today because I was so tired, which, of course, would have warranted an automatic loss, so I powered through my tiredness.
I spent an hour working on Plan B. I contacted the director of an environmental design/"green" architecture firm in Baltimore to see about the possibly of talking to someone there about my interests.
Yeah, fucking Eagles. I don't know, in a way I feel less concerned about wins and losses after Sunday. I think if they're doing really well and obviously on track for the Super Bowl, it's like they're keeping up a perfect volley and it's crushing to drop it/lose. If they start losing a lot, and it seems like they might still make it to the Superbowl, but maybe not, losses are not as hard to bare, at least for me. I'm not saying that I've given up on this season--far from it, but it's more like I won't be super dissapointed if they don't make it to the post season. If they do, it'll b a pleasant surprise, something I didn't see coming or take for granted.
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