Outcome: "Win"
Record: 53-1
Streak: Won 15

Summary: Vacation is great. But I still get stressed, even when I'm on vacation.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 52-1
Streak: Won 14

Summary: I almost forgot to do my morning pages this morning, but then I remembered and it was quite nice. I read, prepared for the seminar, and got ready for dinner. Dinner was good, and in a few minutes we'll have our seminr. Barring some gross violation of ethics, I'd say I lived how I wanted to live today.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 51-1
Streak: Won 13

Summary: Tying things down in Annapolis. I will be in the Philadelphia metropolitan area starting tonight. I lost another pound, so now I'm at 176. Other than that, just the usual. I might sign up for classes at AACC real quick before leaving.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 50-1
Streak: Won 12

Summary: Seriously, another 5. Two in a row, hell yeah. And apparently I haven't been clear, or Dan hasn't been reading my blog well enough. The book is still "plan a". In fact, I'm working on it more than ever right now. AW is directly contributing to the book. AW is a 12 week program that I have undertaken specfically to aid in the process of writing my book. Already it is helping. The book is still #1.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 49-1
Streak: Won 11

Summary: With so much adversity, I still perservered, and I feel like a champ. Today would have been a 5. I'm not going to get into too much detail because of the personal nature of the most of the chief circumstances. Morning pages, work, French for 15 minutes (nice start by the way), and lots of critical "b". Picked up my bike from the shop and took care of a little admin. Would like to do some AW, perhaps read some Emerson to prepare for the seminar, but most importantly I need to get a good night's sleep tonight, since last night I didn't (through no fault of my own).

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 48-1
Streak: Won 10

Summary: What a horrible bitter day. I didn't do anything wrong--I exercised moderation and was generally ethical, and I tried to rest on my day off. The day started off nicely with morning pages, including my weekly check up, and then a nice breakfast. But starting after that there was the Eagles nightmare of a game. Oh God. Then Eva and I fought, and then I felt sick to my stomach and had a headache, and now I just feel overall like a big pile of shit.

Weekly Summary:
Work wise, this was a killer week. I finished my French lesson, completed the first of twelve sections in AW, worked my ass off at normal work and especially at the internship, exercised moderation, got a great start on my French grammar text, took care of a huge amount of administrative stuff, took the first step in lining up my classes for next semester, and got a nice lead for "b".
There were a few things I wanted to work on for this week: one was freeing up Sunday so that I could have a full day of relaxation. Well, I did free up Sunday, but Sunday sucked anyway. I love the Eagles, and I will always watch their games, but in a way I'll be glad when the season's over. A second thing I wanted to address was hazy principles. I still didn't sit down and create a set of "laws", but it's ok that I didn't. I was very deliberate in all my actions, and was, if anything, more conservative than I needed to be. I still want to legislate, so that should be coming soon. There was only one thing regarding sleep, that I'll talk about below, in which I fucked up a little. The AW stuff worked out great. 45 minute morning pages and then another 45 minutes later in the day for the exercises.
Outlook for next week: I want to continue my solid effort. Wednesday night through Sunday night will be a vacation, which is much needed. Monday through Wednesday afternoon will still be productive. Even while I'm vacationing, I'll do my morning pages--basically I'll treat it as a string of Sundays. I want to do at least 1 lesson in French, if not more when I'm relaxing on vacation (at this point the French is fun). There are a few things I want to take care of with "b" before I take off. Ideally I'd like to register for my classes before leaving. Probably the biggest thing I'd like to improve upon is return to my firm ways about sleep. I need to obey myself. I can't get sloppy. Here's how I handle sleep normally. I want to get 8 hours a night on working nights. If I'm getting up at 6:15, I need to be asleep by 10:15. But I figure that I won't fall asleep right away if I get in bed at 10:15, so I get in bed at 9:45, to ensure that I'll be asleep once it hits 10:15. One night, during my artist's date actually, I was sloppy in the following way: it was 9:45, and I was finishing up a movie. I won't get too much into an artist's date, but it's basically supposed to be time to yourself, to recharge and stimulate yourself, by yourself, with no distractions or worries. I was having a great time, and I wanted to be liberal with myself, you know, treat myself. So I figured that if I turned off the light, laid down in bed, and watched the movie that way, I'd fall asleep quickly at 10:15, so I could have the benefit of the 9:45 thing while still being able to watch my movie. I'm sorry, that was bullshit. The artist's date is great, and I want to respect it, but there are also things that I need to be firm about. Because I don't always remember how important sleep is on a gut level, I need to make a hard and fast rule for myself to direct my actions. That ways it doesn't matter whether I'm fully conscious of its value at that time or not, I will do it because I legislated myself to do it, and if I don't, it'll be a loss. That's what I mean about being strict with sleep. The only way I will make an exception is for an emergency, or if I petition my rational mind in advance with a good reason (for example, there's something I might attend late on Tuesday, and the reason I might allow it is because I won't see Eva again for another week, and the only way to see her is to go to the thing). We'll see. So yeah, more firm, more crisp in my actions. Still working on my state of mind and calmness, but that's been good. Yeah, just keep rolling I guess.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 47-1
Streak: Won 9

Summary: I could feel that my tank is almost empty. I need a break, but I still managed to pull out a win for today. I mostly did the internship stuff today, which is going well. On my way in I took a different route and discovered this beautiful neighborhood called Bolton Hill. I'd love to park over there and walk around. When I came back I went grocery shopping, made dinner, and after I'm done writing this, I'm going to do some dishes, probably start some laundry, finish my French for the week, and hopefully complete a few of the administrative things hanging over my head.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 46-1
Streak: Won 8

Summary: Today was a lot of working. First I did my morning pages, and then I went to Pronto. I worked there until 11, did a tiny bit of French, jumped in my luxury vehicle and drove to Bmore city, worked at TL until 7:30, drove back, made a healthy dinner, and before I go to bed I want to put together some stuff for my mom and my sister. The three of us are having a seminar on Thanksgiving, so I'm going to send them some basic stuff to get them ready. I need to finish my French lesson at some point this weekend. I also need to pick up my bike, do grocery shopping, and make my lunches for next week (before Sunday!). Sunday is going to be jam packed full of chillaxing.
Something caught my attention this morning when I left my apartment. The Naval Academy had this big electronic text billboard inside their gate, and "God Bless America" was written on it in large capital letters. In that instance, and much of the time when I hear American's today using the phrase, it would seem that they're not actually saying what they mean. I usually interpret the meaning as "God Bless America--isn't America great?" in which case it would be more to the point to say, "God has blessed America". It's kind of chauvinistic. It's like saying, "We're the shit, and not only that, God endorses us." The phrase in the abstract suggests a humple appeal, an uncertainty about the future and a willingness to trust God's plan for you, but I don't get the sense that people are trying to convey that idea when they use it.
One more random side note: I fucking love my car. It's such a champ. I'm tempted to gut it and put it in my living room after it dies, like, set up a shrine to it. It's the Brian Dawkins of cars. It's an 87, and it needed a few repairs when I got it. Not knowing whether it would even get me out of Annapolis (it did, in fact, nearly die as I rolled through the Bay Bridge Toll), since then it has gotten me to Philly, Quebec, back and forth all over Quebec, Ontario, back to Quebec, back to Philly, down to Annapolis, back up to Philly, back to Annapolis, and to Bmore and back several times. The interior light is broken, the dashboard looks vandalized, the gear box makes wierd noises, the engine makes wierd noises, one of the tires is patched, the driver seat doesn't go forward anymore, the passenger door doesn't open, and it sometimes needs two attempts to start. Still, it's transported me like a golden chariot. I feel so greatful.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 45-1
Streak: Won 7

Summary: Morning pages, work, French, took my bike in for a tune-up, went to AACC to meet with a counselor, and later tonight I'm going on my artist's date from AW.
In a lot of ways, today was great. It looks like the two classes that I need fit my schedule exactly. The crazy thing is that if I were to take them now, with my current work schedule, I'd be working about 8am-9:30pm Mon-Sat. Well, Saturday I'd get off at like 6, but still, that's a lot. However, I don't think my situation will be the same, so I'm not worrying about it. The only thing I could have done better with was work. It wasn't that I did bad--it was totally acceptable, even more than acceptable. But in truth, I was doing just enough to qualify as "doing a good job" and stopping there. I could have worked harder. Sometimes I think I should stop at the point that I stopped at, for the sake of conserving energy. But then sometimes I think that it's better to go full-on, both because perhaps it's ethically better, but also sometimes I find that if I work really hard, I have more energy later for some reason (well, I have to qualify that. What happens is complex, but I'm not getting into it now because I need to post and log off).

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 44-1
Streak: Won 6

Summary: Morning pages, worked, 15 minutes on French, hour on "b", and hour on AW. I figured out what I was doing wrong with my shots. Now I'm back to pulling good ones. I looked into getting a new computer today. First I discovered that AutoCAD only runs on Windows, although there are similar design programs that run on other operating systems. I wanted to get a mac, but perhaps this information will have ramifications for my selection. I'm wondering if I should still take a class on CAD. It seems to be a very commonly used program in the world of architecture. I'm meeting with a counselor at the community college tomorrow, so I can find out what their computer design classes cover.
Mentally I was sort of scattered today. At first I felt like shit, then I felt like the king of the world, and then I felt anxious/stupid. I figured out this math problem that came up through my AW exercises, and that made me feel less stupid.
I wish I had learned more about computers when I was younger.
It also seems that I was doing something incorrectly with my morning pages (better to figure this out now than in week 12!). To correct it, I will need to wake up earlier. That sucks because I was happy about only getting up a 1/2 hour before normal, but now I'll need to switch to 45 minutes, if not an hour. Whatever it takes, I'm going to do it.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 43-1
Streak: Won 5

Summary: For some reason I can't pull a shot to save my life anymore. The first few times I did it, they were either perfect or within one second of where they needed to be. Now I'm getting these ridiculous results, like one shot being 10 seconds short and then the next one being 20 seconds long, even though I was seemingly doing the same thing both times.
I worked well today. I advanced nicely in French. I exercised great restraint and moderation throughout the day. I controlled my emotions well. I looked at some summer architecture studios online, emailed someone at Penn about it, and looked at some CAD stuff. Then I came home and did my hour of AW, which went well. This morning I was able to do my morning pages in almost exactly a half hour, so I need not get up 45 minutes early anymore, which is a good thing, because getting up that early blew. Later I'm going to take care of some admin and continue on my grammar text. Oh yeah, speaking of which, I finished slightly over 1/8th of the entire French grammar text in AN HOUR last night. I'm quite proud of that, since the same amount took us a few weeks in class.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 42-1
Streak: Won 4

Summary: I worked hard but I made a pretty huge mistake today. That made me feel shitty. On top of that, I was feeling this irrational sense of worthlessness and hopelessness. My victory was centered around the fact that I still did what I had to do and conquered my shitty state of mind. I put in an hour on "b", started my French, and did an hour of exercises from AW. I think I need a full 45 minutes in the morning to do my morning pages, so now I have to go to bed at 9:45. So far the program seems good; I'm glad I'm doing it. One of today's exercises was to take "your artist" on a walk--basically just walk outside and follow your curiosity, just like a kid. Don't think about work, shit you have to do, or time, or anything like that. Just explore around outside. It was amazingly refreshing. I found all these hidden nooks in downtown, like cool backyard gardens, interesting building structures, etc. I'm going to take care of admin crap for about 45 min, and then I'm going to study a French grammer text so that I can finally graduate from the elementary reading level (HTRAB). Analytically reading in another language sounds so crazy to me. I think I'll write my critique essays in French if the text is French.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 41-1
Streak: Won 3

Summary: made breakfast, watched the Eagles, went shopping, talked to my family, made lunch for next week, put in my final hour of writing for the week, read the first chapter of Artist's Way, pondered my schedule, and after this I'm going to bed.

Weekly Summary
Good:
1. Put in all my writing time.
2. Performed at my Baltimore job--big push on "b"
3. Put in my normal time on "b"
4. Worked with diligence.
5. Controlled myself pretty well.
6. Finished a lesson of French.
7. Generally acted with good ethics.
8. Set up nicely for next week.
Bad:
1. First loss. Just crumbled that night. I'm trying to pick myself up and go forward.
2. Kind of scattered at the end of the week, but this is not really my fault and I will address it in my plan for next week.
Plan for next week:
The big change is with my writing project. The program in Artist's Way is comprehensive and requires a lot of time. I will put in an hour and a half each day--a half hour for the morning pages as soon as I wake up and an hour at some point later to work on the exercises. If I finish all of the exercises for the week, I'll put in some time on the novel, but I don't know whether I'll get the chance for that.
I will continue putting in an hour on "b" each day up until Friday. On Friday and Saturday I'll probably work in Baltimore again, which will definitely fill my "b" requirement for those days. On Thursday I'm meeting with a counselor at the community college about taking classes. I'll also look into setting up a meeting with someone at Strayer.
There's a chance that I'll run out of things to do at normal work this week. If that happens, I decided that I will hit the gym for an hour, and if I still have time left before my normal finishing time, I'll just do other shit (AW, b, novel, reading for understanding, etc.)
At some point soon, maybe tomorrow, I want to put down a set of principles for myself in concrete form. This has to do with what I was talking about the other day regarding changing my policies on a whim. If I legislate some laws for myself, especially covering food consumption and spending money, I will have a more clear idea of what I'm doing. Something like, 1. Only 1 coffee drink per day; 2. Only eat out once per week, except if it's during a vacation, etc. Maybe I'll print some of my laws on here.
Here are a few nuts and bolts things that I will be changing next week. I will be going to bed a half hour earlier to accomodate the morning pages, so that means getting into bed at 10. Another thing is that I'm finding my Sundays are still stressful, for various reasons. One thing that I have done on Sundays every week up until now is make my lunches for the following week. I'm going to change this. I'm probably going to do this on Saturday. Also, this week, because of the Baltimore thing, I ended up needing to shop and write on Sunday. That was excusable for this week, but I'm not doing that again. I need a full, uninterrupted day of chilling in order to recharge.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 40-1
Streak: Won 2

Summary: Hell yeah. I worked all day in Baltimore, learning quickly on the spot. I'm into the company and the work they do. I came back and wrote for two hours. Tomorrow I'll put in my last hour of writing for the week. Starting next week my writing schedule is going to be different because of the program, but I'm not sure how exactly.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 39-1
Streak: Won 1

Summary: I rebounded nicely today. I controlled my emotions very well, especially considering the circumstances, I worked, by the end of the night I will have taken care of some administrative things like setting up the printer and paying bills, but the big thing was putting in my first shift in Baltimore. I think this might be a great thing.

Outcome: "Loss"
Record: 38-1
Streak: Lost 1

Summary: *update* wow, this sucks, but I need to preserve the integrity of the system. Like I said, I needed to be strong tonight and I wasn't. I could have approached the personal thing that's going on better. I could have had much better control of my emotions. I could have done a much better job cleaning up. Talking with Dan was nice, but I didn't get off the phone when I needed to. Then I shot some balls on the pool table and read Philly magazine without observing the rules from HTRAB. Basically I was like the Eagles tonight. I scraped out a win, and then I just let it slip away into a stupid loss that shouldn't have been. Admittedly, today was extremely tough, but I need to do better. I know I can do better, and I will do better.
Today was the toughest day of my current streak. In fact, it would take very little for me to change it to a loss. The rest of the night must be dead on. But still, even with what I've done, I'm quite proud of myself.
The reason that it was hard was because of some personal shit that's going on. I wanted to say fuck it more than ever today, but I stayed strong in every aspect. I worked hard at work, wrote for an hour, advanced my French to the point where I'm sure I'll finish comfortably tomorrow, and I spent an hour on "b". To make my situation worse, I made a mistake on "b", compounding my emotional turmoil, plus I think I'm getting sick, I didn't sleep well last night, and there was something that had been clear in "b" that became unclear. But I think I made it through this one.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 38-0
Streak: 38

Summary: I took a barista class tonight, so maybe I could work at your coffee shop Dan. Espresso pulled correctly is a beautiful thing. I saved up an hour of time, put in an hour on the novel, did some stuff for "b", including a lengthy phone conversation, and took my barista class. I've felt meloncholy all day, but I perservered by force of will. That's a good thing. Maybe when the stoic, peaceful monk state of mind isn't happening, your only option left is to switch to warrior mode (power through everything).
I've been reading this book called The Artist's Way, which was recommended to me by the St. John's tutor I talked to a few weeks ago. It's a 12 or 15 week program (I can't remember which), with specific time requirements and tasks to complete. I'm fully committing myself to it. I haven't sat down and adjusted my schedule to accomodate it, but there's a good chance that my novel writing will be suspended (since the program is ultimately in service of the novel). That's not to say that I won't write at all. Maybe I'll continue putting in 6-10 hours a week, or maybe I'll cut down, or a third possibility would be that I have zero time to work on it. It's ok though, because I have patience, and in time it'll all happen. I'm just making it even better by doing the course.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 37-0
Streak: 37

Summary: Hell yeah--I feel very good about today. I would have given it a 5 under the old system. Executed masterfully on the details, got my first big break on "b", which is some contract work in Baltimore, made a call, wrote an e-mail, set up an appointment with an advisor at the community college to talk about classes I might take to prepare for the program at Penn, wrote for an hour, voted, made a great push on French, and tonight I'll do some cleaning/admin and read for at least an hour.
The herbal tea is working, no doubt. I love it. Also, I think I need to eat a little more at lunch, since I've been feeling hungry around 4, and if I stay at work until 6, I can either suffer or eat something from work that isn't very healthy. I don't need much more, just a bit more.
There was one excellent thing that I did today, which I hope to repeat in the future. I worked when it was time to work, and when, for example, I started worrying about "b", or freaking out about writing, I told myself that the time for those things would come around, and at that time I can address my concerns. In the meantime, just calm down and work; don't think about anything else. Obviously, I did the same thing when it was time to focus on "b" or time to write. This is just one more way of trusting my reason and controlling my emotions. It's satisfying for me to visualize something like the ancient Greek fates at their spinning wheel, to picture someone or something else moving a great wheel of time, and all I have to do is sit back and relax, because I know I'm getting my portion. I literally don't have to do shit. If I plan an hour for writing and an hour for "b", I am guaranteed those hours, so I need not worry when I'm not working on them--the time will come.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 36-0
Streak: 36

Summary: Nice start on French, hour and a half surplus of time at work, and organized my materials plus wrote an email for "b".
I made an adjustment to my daily schedule (making sure it was done rationally and calmly, ahead of time, a la my last post). So, I have a 1/2 hour for lunch at work. My old schedule was to eat and read some periodicals about Philly (Philly mag or Inquirer) for the first 15 minutes, and then do my french for the second 15 minutes. I decided this was too harsh. There a varieties of particular circumstances that made this stressful, all of which are too boring to get into here (if I could adequately convey them in the first place). So starting today my new schedule is to eat and relax for 15 minutes, even to meditate (breathe deeply and clear my mind), and then hit the French for 15 minutes. I could tell that I was more relaxed and productive as a result of my schedule adjustment. The other thing that made me want to do it was thinking about Saturday night--after I read analytically, in accordance with the rules from HTRAB, I burned out in an hour and a half. Now I'll read Philly mag or the Inquirer if I need a rest, that way I'm still keeping up to date and enjoying those sources of information, but I'm doing it in a non-stressful, in fact, rejuvinating fashion.
I also had the herbal tea for the first time. I think it worked, but its effects were subtle. I'll keep with it for a while.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 35-0
Streak: 35

Summary: Chilled, talked with Ben, made breakfast, watched Eva's soccer game, cleaned up, watched part of the movie Indochine, and after this I'm going to make my lunches for next week and eat dinner.

End of Week Summary: Another solid effort. I'm doing well with work, "b", and writing. Actually, I could push a bit harder with writing, but it's still completely satisfactory. How did I do with my goal from last week, about being more calm and efficient with my energy? I did well. I could do better. That's how it goes, but I'm still fighting, and as long as I don't give up, I'll get there. I picked up some herbal stress relieving tea from Whole Foods yesterday, and I'm going to start making myself a cup as soon as I get home. I have two specific goals for next week.
1. Continue working on my mental composure. Not much to say about this.
2. Here's a new one: be more rigid about obeying myself and only changing my policies and plans as a result of careful reasoning. Here's an example of what I'm talking about. I made a policy not to look at ESPN crap, because it's a waste of time. Instead, I committed to using that time for reading to understand (to use the phrase from HTRAB). Last night I practiced analytical reading from HTRAB for a while, but it was immensely taxing on my mental endurance. My head was throbbing! It was dumb to continue reading in the same fashion, so I just let myself fuck around online, including looking at ESPN. My quick rationale was that I had read as much as I could, and since I needed a break, and Saturday nights are for recharging anyway, it was cool if I just had a casual fuck-around session on the internet. Regardless of whether my impulse was sound, it wasn't done in a serious, rational way. My emotions were doing the talking and of course they're going to come up with some way to justify whatever they want to do. I need to be rigid with myself--if a part of myself wants to do one thing that I have forbidden, I need to make an appeal to my rational mind, to have the rule amended or revoked. After a serious session of contemplation, I can change my mind, but only if there's good reason. I can't just let my desire take the reigns and do what it wants. If it goes too far, of course I'd give myself an automatic loss. I don't think what I did last night warrants a loss, but I want to be more strict with myself in the future.