I don't know what made me think of this, but I had an experience at a Wawa that would probably make Philly natives want to puke. So here's the story:
I went in and ordered a standard cheese hoagie: american, provolone, LTO, oil, oregano, sweet peppers, a bit of salt, and a very light amount of mayo. (All right, I know mayo is a point of debate, with most people probably saying it shouldn't be on there, but that's completely beside the point). Anyway, I went out to the car to eat it, and when I opened it up, the sandwich was a horror to behold. Not only was there just one type of cheese on there--american--but there were four of those fucking triangles on the bottom, Subway style. I almost hurled it down like Dan at Sarcones. I went back in, trying to stay calm, and I showed the person at the deli. She could barely speak English, so that made it difficult (either that or she was really tired). Then, she told me, "I gave you twice the amount of american which meant that I couldn't give you any provolone." I stopped being able to speak English for a second because I couldn't fucking believe what I was being told. After collecting my thoughts, I showed her my ticket and said that, #1, I ordered american and provolone, and paid for american and provolone, so both cheeses better be on my hoagie, and #2, if Wawa has changed its policies so that now they only put on a Subway quantity of cheese, I want a refund and I'm leaving. After I said that, she actually started getting surly. She mumbled something unintelligible, and finally she slapped down two pieces of provolone haphazardly on top of the sandwich. I should have made her reconstruct the whole sandwich with me watching, but I feel bad about wasting food, so I just settled for some added slices on the top.
Anyway, that was my latest Wawa story.

All right, forget about that shit, I'm going back to a win/loss system. I know it's ghetto, but it was effective in its own way. To review, a win means: generally good ethics, good discipline and following my plan, completing my work. Just following my plans and principles.

I'm going to roll old school like the cave man that I am.

It was good when I would post every day no matter what happened. I want to return to that. Even though I'm in the middle of upgrading my blog, I want to resume posting.

Eh yo,
So I'm waiting to unveil my new blog design before I resume posting, but for the rest of yous, what the hell is going on with the lack of updates?

I crashed and burned today. Overall, this was my worst day of 2007 so far. After Dan and Heroko left, I didn't want to work, and I sat there feeling extremely depressed. The house was empty, I had a mountain of work looming over me on what should have been my day of rest, and I was thinking about my dinner of brown rice that awaited me in a few hours. It was all too much and I said fuck it. I bought some candy and fries and messed around on the internet until 11pm. This royally screwed me. I can't believe I did this. I absolutely cannot believe this. This is a loss/1/straight 0s, or whatever. Here's how I'm going to try to salvage this:

1. The money I spent won't really be an issue. It's not as if I have absolutely nothing left at the end of the month. I have a small surplus, so that will absorb my junk food spree.
2. No desserts until at least Saturday, provided I'm back to my normal level by then. I need to eat only the most healthy foods between now and then to give me energy to make it, because...
3. I will probably pull an all-nighter tonight. I hate the thought of doing that with all my soul. I swore off that practice, but now, because I screwed up so bad, I'm faced with a choice: either I can not complete me work, or I can not sleep. Since not completing my work is not an option, I won't sleep.
4. The all-nighter plus the junk food will wreak havoc on my system. I'm "shutting down all non-essential systems" as it were. I'm only sleeping, working, or doing school stuff until probably Saturday. That means no writing, posting, reading, or leisure time this week. Any spare moments I have I will use to sleep. I'm also going to drink boat loads of espresso so that I can stay awake. I'll bring coffee to class with me so I don't fall asleep.

Godfather, please forgive me for this transgression. I'm an asshole. I don't know what happened. I completely collapsed. I'm brimming with self-loathing at the moment.

Regarding my progress for Friday:
My emotions frustrate my reason, but I would never wish to part with them. That doesn't mean that I don't wish to habituate myself to tend in various ways, Aristotle-style. I have a long, long way to go with my rigor. At least now I graduated to the next level.

3 lessons in French, weight at 171.8, 50% of a chapter, nearly complete on my wall/roof section, started preparing my list for model supplies, and assorted admin. I found out I have a 100% in one class and above 100% in the other.
I've observed a behavior in myself that I need to correct. I subconsciously pace myself so that I will finish exactly at the deadline. This sounds good, but it's not. The reason that's it's not good is that there are almost always unexpected challenges or things that take more time than anticipated. For example, if I plan to finish a drawing and build a model in one night, and I have from 5-10 to do it, and it's not quite 7 and I'm almost done my drawing, I'll slow down a little bit because I feel like I'm ahead and I can relax. Well, it's not quite that exactly, it's almost like an aesthetic thing, like I want to time my completion perfectly. Anyway, I slow down, and then the model ends up taking twice as long as I thought and I have to stay up late.
The solution is just to go for the jugular. I should come out of the gate with intensity, and knock that shit out just as fast as I can. Don't stop, don't hold back. This is what the Eagles needed to do more of early in the 06 season. They would do awesome and then kind of lose that urgency. And we saw what happened with that. I need to, as Brian Dawkins said, "fly to the rock, and hit cats in the mouth".

I'd like to revamp my blog both visually and in terms of the tools of analysis presented in each post. For the latter I would like to implement a template like the one Dan had for various virtues, except I would cover a broader range of things. To Derek and Dan: would either of you be willing, and have the time, to program a template if I sent you mock-ups of what I wanted visually?
Finished about a full chapter this morning, one long lesson in French, and weighed in at 171.8. I could have been more vigorous writing this morning, but it was good. Oh yeah, and I worked on my summer studio application for about an hour. I'm trying to find a Plato quote that's been eluding me, which is annoying, but I started on my resume.
I'm short on time because it's a Wednesday.

I'm still thinking about what type of rating/critique apparatus I want to use, if any. But regardless, starting tomorrow morning, if I post, I did my shit. That's the quantum leap. I'm not announcing completions, because that's the new minimum. Anything less, and I'm out of here, because I don't deserve to strive for greatness.

I'm going to implement a new system in the coming days. I want my blog time to simultaneously serve as truly productive self-reflection time, and in order for my time to be more self-reflective, I think my progress needs to be tracked in categories and in more concrete terms. I'm considering something like listing projects that are currently being worked on, their percentage completion, and the change in status for that day, kind of like a loading bar or something. Actually, let me step back for a second. I concluded that my striving falls into either the category of general moral behavior or productivity/achievement. Achievements would be tracked with the percentages. I don't know how I'm going to handle moral rating. Maybe a 1-x scale, or maybe a chart by virtue, like Dan used.
I finished watching My Architect for the second time, and it drives home the pathetic nature of my attempts up to now. Basically, I think we all need to make a quantum leap. Currently, the question is, "did you execute? Yes=good, No=Bad". Instead, we need to start asking, "is your execution optimal?" The question as to whether or not there was execution on any level is pathetic. That need not be a question; in other words, not doing something is simply not an option. Andy Reid can't turn to his staff, ask them to come up with free agency strategies, and then have them show up to their meeting without having completed the task. That's not even a fucking option. No one even wonders whether or not it will be completed. It will, but the question becomes, did you complete it as well as it could be completed within the given parameters? Same thing applies to any professional or serious setting. If you showed up to a review with Louis Kahn and you didn't finish...are you kidding me?
So for me, for example, I need to write. I shouldn't even post about that, because it should assumed. I need to complete my homework, as well as my French, and all my other projects. That should be assumed. The critique needs to shift to strategy and execution. The punishment for not programming because of comedy or something like that should be a lifetime sentence of being a fucking clerk or a programming monkey. One of my professors was telling me about someone who showed up to a review in grad school with only a partially completed project, and they gave him a quarter and told him to call his parents to let them know he wasn't going to be an architect and arrange for him to come home. That's the level that we aspire to, is it not? Do you think we're ever going to be Catos, or Kahns, or Ben Franklins by fucking around and wasting our relatively obligation-free days? No, that's a complete fucking joke. I don't think any of us even comprehend what it would be like to do the work that we're striving toward. I want to be better than Kahn, because I want to achieve that level of mastery, plus I want to be a good family man. So this is the quantum leap that needs to be happen before we can even talk about any kind of shit. I'm mentally bracing myself.

Outcome; "Win"
Record: 137-10
Streak: Won 19

Summary: Got up at 11:30, had pancakes, muffins, and coffee at a friend's house, read articles online, went for a walk in the snow, watched 400 Blows, read, made cheese fries and coconut stif-fry for dinner, and after this I'm going to drink hot chocolate and go to bed. It was a work-free and relaxation filled Sunday.

Week in Review: Bizarre things happened this week in terms of my energy levels. The only thing I can think of is that the car episode stressed me out, which led to me eating so-so in the middle of the week, which led to a slight but noticeable decline in energy, which freaked me out because I couldn't see why it was happening, which stressed me out more, which culminated in my near loss on Saturday. It's shitty because I feel like I'm on the cusp of being able to have an almost totally perfect week. I've achieved components off and on so far, and I don't see why I can't put them all together. Next week I'm primarily shooting for consistent excellence and pacing myself so that I'm still going strong from Wed-Sat.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 136-10
Streak: Won 18

Summary: I slept in and tried to move at a leisurely pace this morning to recover my energy. Eva and I went and got cappuccinos, shopped for our groceries, and then I got down to business on my homework. I finished everything for Monday, and now I'm going to read until Eva gets back.

Outcome: "Win" (changed from loss)
Record: 135-10
Streak: Won 17

Summary:
*UPDATE*
Fuck a loss--I just constructed a cube that is so awesome and precise, that I think even Louis Kahn would have been happy with it. Seriously, I prevailed, I feel like a champion, and this one victory was so sweet that it negated the rest of my floundering around for the day.

Old post:
I feel like shit for losing today, but I don't know what I could have done. It sounds weak, but I was so dead tired all day today, I didn't feel like doing anything. Some days I can make myself work even if I'm tired, but today I had no strength of will. Oh well, the 100 was a quixotic goal anyway. Maybe someday I'll get it.

It seems to me that living well usually requires balance, but this isn't as simple as it sounds. Here are two examples that occurred to me:
1. This week I've been thinking about confidence. I tend to err on the side of being overly cautious, which at its extreme moments might really just be cowardice. Like if I'm building a model. I want every piece to be absolutely perfect, so I take a long time to draw each line, cut very slow with the blade, glue as carefully as I can, etc. I've actually found that if I'm too careful, or perhaps too timid, that can be just as harmful as if I were rushing through haphazardly.
The solution is balance. In this, and in other endeavors, it is important to be confident, and to work at a steady, vigorous pace--jump right in even if you can't envision the entire process in complete clarity. On the other hand, it is also important to be patient and exercise care while working. We must constantly reflect on the progress of the action and be willing to make adjustments. Applying the proper measure of each of these concepts is what produces effectiveness. On the overly thoughtful side you have those pussy generals that Pericles was trash talking in Thucydides, and on the over confident without being reflective side you have someone like George Bush.
Hmmm...no time to write about my second example. Maybe later. I want to give a recommendation for the film My Architect really quickly--great, inspirational movie. Plus it has a lot of Philly in it. Hell yeah on reading Plutarch Dan.

Outcome: Win
Record: 134-10
Streak: Won 16

Summary: Chugging along. I think the ghost of Lou Kahn might call me tonight at 3 AM to tell me my model looks like a piece of shit. I'm debating whether to do another one. I like it, but it isn't perfect.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 133-10
Streak: Won 15

Summary: I spent so long responding to Dan's post that I don't have much time to write my own post. I almost threw in the towel and took a loss today, but in a last second miracle I persevered. Normal activities today. Weight at 173, three lessons of French. Class tonight. Action packed!

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 132-10
Streak: Won 14

Summary: Car is messed up again, so that's interrupting my schedule in a huge way. I excused myself from writing this morning because I would have fallen asleep at the computer even if I did get up. With morning pages I required myself to get up no matter what, since they work just as well if you're half-passed out as they do when you're awake. With my book, however, I need to be at least sufficiently alert so that I'm not writing total horse shit. As I said, the book is not a project or a requirement. It'll take all the time it needs. If I don't do it one day, that's all right. I'll try to do it as much as I can, but I'm not going to force it. Having said that, I might not work on it tomorrow either, since the morning would be the only time that I could potentially spend on it, and I'm already feeling extremely wiped out. We'll see.
In addition to the car, what else have I been doing that's wiped me out so much? Mainly class work. Working full-time and taking these two classes has been hectic to say the least. But I'm kicking ass, so it's all good. I did two lessons in French, weighed in around 174, spent 3 hours working on a model, and spent about 20 minutes touching up a drawing for a presentation tomorrow. I got extra credit in one class for having my project done on the date that we were supposed to have it done because almost no one else did.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 131-10
Streak: Won 13

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 130-10
Streak: Won 12

Summary: I ended up not having a day off, but it's OK. I'm working on not pitying myself, because, first of all, I agree with Emerson that you can only be ripped off by yourself, and second of all, I have an extremely luxurious and wonderful life.
I went grocery shopping, did laundry, cleaned the kitchen, finished my drafting projects, and then went out to dinner for a belated Valentine's Day dinner with Eva. The dinner was fantastic. Everything else was solid and I'm happy with my completed projects.

Week in Review: I put in a completely solid week. It wasn't perfect--one day I didn't do French, I could have worked harder at times, I didn't write on Saturday, I didn't read, I didn't have a day off, and I didn't completely control myself emotionally, although I was better than normal. I was moody a little this morning, for example.
Next week will be more mellow since I'll be handing in my projects tomorrow, and then we won't have a test or a project for at least 1 week. Also, I'm getting my car back from the garage tomorrow, and I feel like odds are that it should be all right for a while before it needs another repair.
Goals for next week:
1. I want to focus on suppressing my feelings of self-pity.
2. I want to make it so that when I work, I'm working very hard, and when I'm relaxing, I'm completely relaxed and not worrying about anything. I've already vastly improved in this category, but I could get better.
3. I want to fucking read! Damn, am I never going to finish another book again? Of course I know I'm being dramatic. But I really would like to read. My goal, seriously, is to read from 4 pm until 11 pm on Saturday. Mark those words.
4. I just want to maintain all of the good stuff that I've been doing.