Passed my training. Tomorrow work.

I'm very tired tonight. I didn't have a real day of rest yesterday, maybe that's the reason. This Kaplan prep stuff is also very draining. Tomorrow I'm going to prepare all day for Kaplan.

"Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face."
--Mike Tyson

Items Eliminated From My Task List: 1
Items Added To My Task List: 0
Items Remaining on My Task List: 32
Hours Worked: 1.5
Total Hours Worked This Week: 65.5/60

Summary: I had a mostly relaxing day. Work-wise, I took care of my Kaplan business and finished my Penn app, which is great. Now all my applications are done. Leisure-wise, I went to Last Drop with Eva and picked up a chair and ottoman at Uhuru.

Week in Review: Overall, this was an excellent week. I performed well at my Kaplan trainings, completed my Penn application, and exercised diligently. I could tighten-up my discipline, but it was good.
Transitions are critical, as Dan has pointed out. I think imagining the next activity before ending the previous one helps. Also, going slowly and purposefully from task to task is important when you have a lot of little things to do. Like when I walk in and I have a bag to unpack, a call to make, a jacket to take off, dinner to start, etc. etc., I'll walk over to take off my bag, but then change directions and walk to the kitchen, then walk to the coat hanger and basically waste several minutes being indecisive. I need to calm down, do one thing, then another, and move purposefully.
Another thing is taking my non-essential limits seriously. Like, I would prefer to read for 30 minutes every night before going to bed, but some nights, when preparing for Kaplan, or writing my Penn application, I would allow myself to use that time for the primary task because I don't NEED to read for 30 minutes on that particular day. The end result is that I didn't read much this week, and I need to fix that next week.
Goals for next week:
1. Successfully complete Kaplan training
2. Read 30 minutes a day, minimum
3. Either stay the same or go down with my number of items on my task list.
4. Sharp, calm transitions

Schedule for Tomorrow:
Study Kaplan, drop hard copy documents off at Penn, get a magnet for the knife rack on the fridge, work-out for 30 minutes, and read for 30 minutes.

Items Eliminated From My Task List: 0
Items Added To My Task List: 2
Items Remaining on My Task List: 33
Hours Worked: 13
Total Hours Worked This Week: 64/60

Summary: My effort at my training was great, and I did well as a result. Next Tuesday is my last session, and though it will be challenging, I am confident. The rest of the day I worked primarily on my Penn application.
I met some other traceurs in the park today, which was cool. Apparently there's a good parkour scene here, and they have meet-ups on Saturdays.

Plan for Tomorrow: I've already exceeded my hours, and unfortunately, I'll need to work yet more tomorrow. I need to pick up some stuff at Kaplan, send in my Penn application, do dishes, and possibly shop. I'm not going to watch the Super Bowl. If the Eagles aren't in it, I don't care about it. I'm going to use that time to read, and probably finish my Nietzche essay.

*Post for 2/1*

Items Eliminated From My Task List: 0
Items Added To My Task List: 0
Items Remaining on My Task List: 31
Hours Worked: 12
Total Hours Worked This Week: 51/60

Summary: Given the length of time that I worked on my Kaplan preparations, the focus I maintained was admirable. It was a good test of endurance. Tomorrow is a big day in my training. If I make the cut tomorrow, there's only one more day after that--Tuesday night. Tuesday night will be the toughest, but for now, I'm focusing on having a good performance tomorrow.
I heard back from Temple today. They want to offer a full scholarship and stipend. I'm extremely grateful for this offer. It really feels great to hear such news.

Items Eliminated From My Task List: 0
Items Added To My Task List: 1
Items Remaining on My Task List: 31
Hours Worked: 10
Total Hours Worked This Week: 39/60

Critique: My French work on the trolley was admirable, albeit imperfect. I find it difficult to fully focus on Septa, but at least I was actively completing my exercises, and then, once I finished, I started working on conceptual charts to relate all the different verb systems.
My transitions could have been better. I feel anxious during my transitions, and this causes me to loose effectiveness. I felt a haze of sleepiness fall over me while I was listening to my French on CD, but I fought it enough to have a quality session. My energy picked up during my Kaplan exercises, and I think those were fruitful.
Transitioning from work to leisure time was another less than ideal transition. I was so wound up from work that I was in a bad mood socially, although I overcame this. Eva and I had a wonderful dinner at Lolita's as part of Center City Restaurant Week. The difference between good food and excellent, artisan food is really worth the price.

Goals for tomorrow: A full 8 hours of sleep, healthy breakfast/start of the day, and then Kaplan preparations all day, punctuated by 30 minutes of calisthenics in the park and dinner with Eva and Laslo.

*Post for Wednesday*

Items Eliminated From My Task List: 0
Items Added To My Task List: 0
Items Remaining on My Task List: 30
Hours Worked: 9
Total Hours Worked This Week: 29/60

Summary: I made good use of my time on Septa by studying the reading sections of my French lesson. Interesting show with the chair of Penn's City and Regional Planning department on Radio Times tonight. There are so many books I want to read.

Items Eliminated From My Task List: 2
Items Added To My Task List: 1
Items Remaining on My Task List: 30
Hours Worked: 14
Total Hours Worked This Week: 20/60

Comments: Got up, studied for my training session, worked out for 30 minutes, and studied some more. I studied and engaged in training for 13.5 hours today. Tomorrow I'm going to get up at 6:40 and be at the shop by 9:00, and then I'll work until 1am on Thursday. I'll listen to the Beautiful and the Damned on CD. I nearly finished the Nietzche essay last night.

Items Eliminated From My Task List: 2
Items Added To My Task List: 0
Items Remaining on My Task List: 31
Hours Worked: 6
Total Hours Worked This Week: 6/60

Comments: I got up an hour late, but once I did wake up, I was on-point. I worked out with extra vigor. I've been doing a parkour sequence for my workouts. Later in the evening, I witnessed a car crash, so I waited around for the cops so I could give a statement. This took up a lot of time and was unavoidable. Things were still good. I made an awesome dinner: mushroom ravioli with warm sage and garlic butter sauce, salad, and bread.

Tomorrow's schedule is straightforward: I'm going to finish breakfast by 8:30, then I'm going to work on my Kaplan stuff either until it's time for class or I finish, and if I finish early, then I'm going to work on my Penn application.

Plan for 1/28:
11-12: Wake up/get ready/eat
12-3:30: Kaplan Prep
3:30-5:00: Get stamps, shopping for clothes.
5-5:30: Drop letter in mail, workout.
5:30-dinner: Kaplan Prep
dinner-9: Kaplan Prep
After 9: Read, sleeping by 11

And just for the sake of transparency, here's my current scheme for food allowances:

maximum of 1 coffee drink per day
maximum of 1 alcoholic drink per day
maximum of 1 moderately sized dessert per day
minimum of 2 nutritious meals per day
maximum of 1 street food meal per day (hoagie, GG special, pizza, etc.), and if this 1 street meal isn't used, then the a third nutritious meal is required.

Outcome for 1/25: "Loss"
Record: 3-4
Streak: Lost 4
Items Eliminated From My Task List: 0
Items Added To My Task List: 0
Items Remaining on My Task List: 33
Hours Worked: 8
Total Hours Worked This Week: 39.5/60

Summary: You must understand about these losses--they're still decent and most often productive days, it's just that they're lacking the discipline that I think should be standard by now.

Outcome: "Loss"
Record: 3-3
Streak: Lost 3
Items Eliminated From My Task List: 0
Items Added To My Task List: 0
Items Remaining on My Task List: 33
Hours Worked: 10
Total Hours Worked This Week: 31.5/60

Outcome for 1/23: "Loss"
Record: 3-2
Streak: Lost 2
Items Eliminated From My Task List: 0
Items Added To My Task List: 0
Items Remaining on My Task List: 33
Hours Worked: 5.5
Total Hours Worked This Week: 21.5/60

Summary: Undisciplined

Outcome: "Loss"
Record: 4-1
Streak: Lost 1
Items Eliminated From My Task List: 0
Items Added To My Task List: 0
Items Remaining on My Task List: 33
Hours Worked: 6
Total Hours Worked This Week: 16/60

Summary: Had my first Kaplan training. It went well. There's a lot of stuff to learn, but I feel comfortable with the material, and I like explaining academic things, so it should be good. The class is small--4 other students, 1 teacher, and 1 teacher-in-training who is observing.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 3-0
Streak: Won 3
Items Eliminated From My Task List: 1
Items Added To My Task List: 0
Items Remaining on My Task List: 33

Summary: Reading On the Advantage and Disadvantage of History for Life last night was awesome. It was a rare instance in which thought directly translated into action. More specifically, this morning I lingered in bed, nearly falling back asleep, but then I remembered Nietzche's words, and I resolved not to be a soft, dillatente modern who abuses history. It propelled me directly out of bed and into a day packed full of activity.
I started hard-boiling eggs to eat in the morning to save time. Up until now, I had been requiring myself to eat an egg every morning for the protein content, but it took a while to fry it up and clean the pan. Now I can boil 5 eggs for the week, or however many I will require, store them in the fridge and voila...instant eggs for the week.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 2-0
Streak: Won 2

Summary: Went to Eva's work party at Spasso's, had a killer lunch, and met some cool people. I had roasted peppers, bread and olive oil, caprese salad, fine wine, roasted eggplant, pasta, eggplant parm, a cappuccino, and samples of various desserts. The meal was incredible. Afterward I talked to my mom, finished my grocery list, went shopping, and messed around online. I will probably read before going to bed.

Outcome for 1/19: Win
Record: 1-0
Streak: Won 1

Summary: I had pancakes and fruit with Eva for breakfast, studied a cookbook, planned meals for next week, started creating a grocery list and an equipment list, did some parkour conditioning and practiced some basic moves, went shopping for olive oil at Di Bruno Bros, picked up some wine at the state store, made a delicious dinner consisting of soup, salad, and carrots with honey mustard sauce, did dishes, cleaned the house a bit, and later I'm going to continue reading On the Advantage and Disadvantage of History for Life by Nietzche and then go to bed.

I woke up late, read a Vanity Fair article, wasted time on-line, prepared for my Kaplan audition, went to the audition, exercised, ate dinner, talked to Dan for a long time on the phone, and wrote out a comprehensive "to-do" list. After this I'm reading and going to bed.
I used my day decently, but not great. Waking up late was shameful, and I neither enjoyed nor was advanced by the VF article. I moved too slowly after dinner, and I probably spoke too much on the phone. At least I gave a good effort at the audition, exercised, and compiled my list. Those were virtuous things.
While compiling my list, I was running into the problem of trying to make reality fit a "system". This is a familiar theme in the virtue blog ring. Eventually I gave up on trying to classify each item and requiring each to have due dates. I just wrote them out as one long list, and ones that had real due dates I put due dates for, and the rest I'm just leaving for now. There were 35 items on the list. It feels overwhelming. I do think that the way I handled the generation of the list was good.
Right now I'm feeling stressed out. I'm worried about the audition and what might happen if I don't get that job. I feel overwhelmed by tasks. Finally, I feel moral repulsion at myself for not being happier with my situation. I have everything--I am comfortable, free, well-off, educated, etc. etc, so I should be thankful. Sadly, right now I just feel anxiety. Maybe it's my sugar addiction, which, by the way, I'm trying to break again. Today is day 2.

Today I worked, read Anna K, exercised, had dinner with Eva, cleaned the kitchen, and now I'm off to bed.
Overall, I used my day effectively. I advanced myself by working (some of the money may go toward savings), reading Anna K, and exercising. Tomorrow I want to write out all my small tasks and projects and break the projects down into smaller segments. The big event tomorrow is my Kaplan interview. Otherwise, I need to work on my Temple application.

Cultivating the lives that we desire is a battle. There will be victories and defeats. Some days we succumb to base temptations, and on these days, the whole endeavor seems hopeless. But somehow, this despair always give way to optimism and ambition. The cycle continues, and we must try to keep fighting. Is the end determined? Who knows, all we can do is fight when we have the strength to do so.

Wednesday:
Score: +2
Total: 48
Work hours today: 12
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 0
Sleep: 4 hours.

Summary: Finished my Berkeley application.


Tuesday:
Score: 0
Total: 46
Work hours today: 8
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 0
Sleep: 10 hours

Summary: Listened to Jude the Obscure on CD while I was at work. Books on cd is going to be an awesome thing for however long I work at my dad's shop.

Monday:
Score: +2
Total: 48

Comments: I got a 1560 on my second GRE. What a relief. Just that alone warrants a +2 (just as failing it a week and a half ago warranted an automatic -2). Now I need to find a job and finish my applications.

Sunday:
Score: +2
Total: 46
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 3
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

**Post for Saturday, Dec. 1**

Score: +1
Total: 44
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 2
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Summary: I had another moderately successful day. My practice test results were good--1540. I'd be very happy with that score on the real test. I hope I don't freak out again. All that's left to do on Berkeley's application is to finish my statements. Monday morning is the test, and Berkeley's application is due on the 5th. I had a delicious hoagie from Primo after mailing my hard-copy materials. Also, I read a little Anna K today after a multi-week haitus. It's good to be reading it again. Tomorrow I am going to relax the entire day. I haven't taken a genuine day-off in a while, so this should be nice. I'm also hoping that this will calm me down for the test.

Score: +1
Total: 43
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 1
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Summary: Enjoyed 3 episodes of The Wire, took another practice test, studied, and worked on my application. I decided not to do the portfolio because there was another piece that was actually required that I needed to finish today, so I can send it tomorrow. While I was preparing this part of the application, I was asked to list and briefly describe all the different college courses I've taken. As I was going back through my memory of St. John's classes, it struck me #1, how much I miss it, and #2, how great of a time that really was. It was so good it was unreal. I had no idea how good things were then. It was like living in a utopia in the sky, contemplating the highest things, and now I'm struggling in this gritty, harsh, shitty world below. But even that's not true, my life now is pretty good, but still--that was "halcyon", as the GRE might put it. As Ghostfaced Killah said, "That's that real shit G, I miss those shits, man, I wanna go back to school, man
that's my word, man for real y'all, those were, those were the... goddamn y'all, you remember...I miss those days man, for real" Fuckin-A Ghost, just like your comments on art, your wisdom resonates in my soul. Yeah, so I'm going back to school. Hopefully it'll be even half as nice as St. John's was.

Score: +1
Total: 42
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 0
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Comments: Even though it's not required of applicants to Berkeley's Master City Planning program, I was thinking that I might send them a design portfolio, as a supplement to the rest of my application. The problem is that they only accept hard-copy portfolios, and I never learned how to make those. I don't really know how to make digital ones either, but at least I figured that I could put images on a disc and send them that. Anyway, I have exactly 1 day to a) figure out how to make a hard-copy portfolio, and b) make it. It's not a big deal if I don't make one, since they don't even ask for it, so I might not do it. There's also the issue of expense. I'll figure something out.
I got a 1440 on today's practice test, which, at this point, is totally fine. I was shooting for a 1600, but now I just want to get something respectable.

Score: +1
Total: 41
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 0
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Comments: Worked, went for a bike ride, studied, ate, and worked on my Berkeley application. I did get up late this morning, and it did compromise my breakfast, which had a ripple effect throughout the day. I'm tired now, and I could have done more, but I did ok. It's important to limit attention on immediate tasks and not look around at things in the distance. We assume, as an article of faith, that if we do what we perceive as right and effective, we will arrive at our desired end point. The best way to work is to set about doing that work without worrying about what may or may not happen. In other words, if I can just do my shit--send out applications, put in my days, exercise dutifully, stick to my diets, etc.--eventually, my dreams will come true. But sometimes I get thrown off when things get difficult, which is human nature. Like, now I need to find a new job, because the work ran out at the place I was working since I moved. That plus my GRE plus applications tempts me to give up or at least go on an eating binge, or something. But I think if I do what I can--send in applications (both for work and for school), save money, and generally "do the right thing"--I will arrive at a good place. As I enter a dark or tough period, I need to put my head down, tape on the blinders, and go to work. If I can fully cultivate that quality, then I'll be invincible, Rocky Balboa style.

Score: +1
Total: 40
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 4
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Comments: I had a late start this morning, so I didn't get to eat a full breakfast. I think the change that occurred on Sunday in diet and intensity of activities made me overly tired. I expect that to balance out.
At lunch I ate somewhat immoderately and didn't study vocab, which were bad, but I relaxed and did physical work later in the day, so it wasn't a total loss. I studied well when I got home, ate a good dinner, went a little overboard on the dessert, and then took care of the remaining practical stuff that needed to happen before the Berkeley App is due. The big thing was coming up with the latest budget. Things are better than I expected, even with the reduced income this month and increased expenses (in certain categories).
Unfortunately, I'm already late going to bed, so it's likely that I'll be late getting up, which may mean another insufficient breakfast. I'll try to make it happen, but it's much harder with limited sleep. After work I want to study more and work on the Berkeley application.

First of all, shame on me for not posting. I stopped posting because I was ashamed and embarrassed about what the publick would think of me after what happened last Wednesday. Let me start at the beginning:
So I decided to take two final practice tests Tuesday night before test day. Prior to this I had taken other practice tests and done well. In the very beginning I was having issues with pacing on the math section, but it seemed to be getting better. On Tuesday, however, I did great on the verbal and good on the math, but not great--my pacing problems were coming back. Basically, I would only be able to do 22/28 problems, and I would get the first 22 correct, but not even attempt the final 6, or something like that. Of course this wasn't terrible, but I was shooting for as high of a score as possible. This freaked me out a little bit. Going into the test Wednesday, I kept telling myself that the most important thing was to go fast on the math section.
The math section came around, and to my horror, I couldn't see a way to repackage the first question, which is the key to the GRE. If one were to solve that question using a straight forward method, it would take a long time, and this isn't the point of the test. I don't know if it was because I was nervous, but I started panicking immediately because I didn't see a way to approach it. Also, the first few questions are the most important, since they put you on a difficulty track for the rest of the test, and you have to answer before you can move on, so I placed high importance on the first question. Deciding that I couldn't afford to miss the first question, I did the calculation long-hand. At this point I was already in despair because my pacing was messed up, and, not surprisingly, my results didn't match any of the answers. Now I was full blown panicked. I had already wasted about 10 minutes for absolutely nothing. At that point it was over. I might as well have not taken the test. I tried the best I could on the remaining questions, but I don't think I even got half-way through. End result: barely a 1000 for the whole test (scored the way the old SATs were).
When the score popped up on the screen, I gasped and my veins felt like they were expanding. I thought I was going to puke in my cubicle. I stumbled out of the testing center, forgot my coat, and almost got hit by a car riding home. I'm still in shock, really. I was shooting for a 1600 (and I think it was achievable), but instead I barely got a 1000. Needless to say, that was below the minimum at almost all of the programs I'm applying to. Fortunately, I was able to reschedule another test for December 3rd, still leaving enough time for the new results to get to the schools. Right as soon as I got home, I wrote letters to all of the schools I'm applying to explaining what happened. My verbal was actually very good, and I have a good feeling about my essays. Grade wise, I have 8 As and 1 A- in 9 college semesters of math, which I pointed out in my letter. I also offered to have my math teachers write extra letters stating that my math skills are in fact higher than those of a house plant. Most importantly, I need to make absolutely sure my pacing issues are fixed in time for the next test, and I need to calm down while I'm taking it. On top of filling out my Berkeley application this week, the next few days are going to be hectic. Now, on to my scoring recaps:

Wednesday:
Score: -2
Total: 41
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 0
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Commentary: Blech, obviously. After the test and my letters, I ate a bunch of cookies and suffered in my chair. Totally horrible day.

Thursday:
Score: -1
Total: 40
Sugar Free Days: 0

Commentary: Relaxed with my family, which was nice, but I didn't do much. I ate poorly, hence the negative.

Friday:
Score: -2
Total: 38
Sugar Free Days: 0

Commentary: The despair still hung heavily over me at this point. Spent money, ate junk food, and didn't study that much (at least I studied some). I didn't even wake up until 11, and didn't get back to my apartment until 1 or 2.

Saturday:
Score: -2
Total: 36
Sugar Free Days: 0

Commentary: Much like Friday. Some studying, some eating junk food and spending money. Basically a waste.

Sunday:
Score: +1
Total: 37
Sugar Free Days: 0

Commentary: Did a bunch of work around the house, had a nice time with Eva, studied a bit. Recharged, mentally overcame the majority of my despair, and set up the rest of the week with practical crap (i.e., did grocery shopping, did laundry, did my weekly lot of cleaning, etc.)

Today:
Score: +2
Total: 39
Sugar Free Days: 1

Commentary: All right, I feel like I'm back on track. I studied vocab at work, ate moderately, went for a run after work, took care of some practical issues, and studied. Also important is the fact that I'm posting again. This week is going to be a crucial week. Like last week, I'm on an efficiency schedule: instant meals only to minimize cooking and cleaning time, and no leisure outside of some time with Eva at night. My plan is to come home, go for a run, and then start, breaking only for a quick dinner, and then stopping at around 9pm.

Score: +2
Total: 43
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 4
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Score: +2
Total: 43
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 4
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Score: +2
Total: 41
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 3
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Summary: Again, I got about 10-11 hours of sleep. Fuck it. I had another solid day. Seriously, pacing is the only thing keeping me from 1600. I'm going to focus primarily on pacing in the next two days. I'll do anywhere from 2-4 practice tests in the next two days. I also hear Princeton Review and Kaplan tests are actually much harder than the real test, which would be sweet. We'll see. I also prepared guidelines for my family's Plato seminar on Thanksgiving, generated a shopping list (Eva already got some of it), and made a resume to give to Marc tomorrow. After 7 I'm relaxing and recharging.

Score: +2
Total: 39
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 2
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Summary: I got more than 8 hours last night--it was more like 11. I guess I needed it. I still accomplished my goals today. I finished the practice problems in the book and did one full-length on-line test. I got a 790 on verbal, and I was on track to having a perfect on math but I ran out of time. I haven't timed myself yet, so I had no concept of pacing. It's cool though. I can up my hustle.
I also made a bank deposit, hung out with Eva for a bit, did push-ups, and went for a jog. Tomorrow I want to do 3 full-length tests on-line.

Score: +2
Total: 37
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 1
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Comments: I was on-point all day. I accomplished my study goal: finish creating flash cards, studying concepts, and studying strategy. I tried several practice problems and had good results. Tomorrow I'm going to do a bunch of exercises in the back of my book and try one full length test. I also did push-ups and took care of some budget stuff.
I met Eva for a peppermint mocha latte this afternoon, which was nice, and later we walked to Sahara to meet my dad and our mutual friend for dinner. The walk was great and so was the dinner and conversation.

Score: +1
Total: 35
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 0
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Summary: I didn't have to go into work until 10, and, shamefully, I slept an extra two hours because I didn't have to get up. I intended to get up at my normal time and use my two hours to study. Oh well. Work was good--I studied for a few minutes at lunch--and at the end of the day I got to help set up a company party at Alma de Cuba. The restaurant is beautiful. I would love to go there privately some time for a drink or dinner. I was also at work late enough to see the city after dark from up in the sky scraper. It too was beautiful. Daniel Leibeskind (sp?) said that the city is the greatest creation of man. I might agree, or at least I understand the sentiment there. It was moving, actually, walking around the perimeter of the office taking in the panoramic of the city at night. Once I came home, I proof-read my application to the Nutter administration, sent it, and studied for the rest of the night. Now I'm off to bed. Tomorrow I want to finish going over the concepts and strategies in my book, as well as finish creating my flash cards, so I can start doing practice tests over the weekend. Wednesday is test day.

Score: +2
Total: 34
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 0
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Comments: worked late, studied at lunch, went for a run, put together an application to work for the Nutter administration, and ate. The sugar thing is a pain in my ass--I don't know why I can't resist. But at least I didn't completely let go and I stuck with my goals. My run was awesome. I hadn't been on the banks trail after dark before, and it's very beautiful. All the bridges are lit up underneath, and the skyline is in the background. Good stuff.

Score: +2
Total: 32
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 1
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Summary: worked, exercised, cleaned, ran an errand, studied, and took care of my transcript requests.

Score: +1
Total: 30
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 0
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Comments: I've been slipping on my sugar liberation quest. Despite that, I've still had moderately productive days. Starting tomorrow (actually, starting right now) I'm going to resume my attempt and see how many days I can go.

Score: +1
Total: 29
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 0
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Comments: Studied, went grocery shopping, cleaned.

Score: +1
Total: 28
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 3
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Score: +2
Total: 27
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 3
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Summary: Vocab practice during lunch, advanced an administrative task toward completion, help cook dinner for Aaron, ate an enjoyable meal (salad, lasagna, challa, matzo ball soup, and black forest cake), and before I go to bed I want to finish making what I hope to be my final set of vocab flash cards.

Score: +2
Total: 25
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 2
Sleep: 8 hours until the test is over.

Summary: So my vigor is wasting away, eh Dan? See my response. Anyway, today was awesome. I got up virtuously, kicked ass at work, created and studied vocab flash cards at lunch, went for a 30 minute bike ride along the Schuylkill Banks Trail to the end of Boat House Row, ate dinner (while listening to Jazz, yeah!), and studied the rest of the night.

Score: +2
Total: 23
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---
Days Sugar Free: 1

Comments: Great wake-up, work, studied vocab at lunch, unpacked after work, went for a run in the park (beautiful scenery), started making dinner while listening to NPR, cleaned up around the house, went to Maxx's for some miscellaneous groceries and appreciated their clean and attractive store, finished dinner, wrote some emails, ate dinner with some wine and jazz compliments of WRTI, and soon I'll be going to bed.
Herbal tea in the morning and wine in the evening are great. Wine and jazz, eating and relaxing--it's a very beautiful way to wind down and get ready for bed.

Score: +1
Total: 21
Work hours today: ---
Work hours for the week: ---

Summary: I rebounded more or less from yesterday. I reviewed my system, reminded myself of the wisdom and experience that it was built upon, and recommitted myself. I also reminded myself that sometimes certain elements can be suspended to accomplish necessary short-term goals (although the whole system is required for a long-term, sustained effort). In particular, I'm suspending my "working hours" cap until I take me GRE. My plan is to make sure I cover the fundamentals, i.e., I'm going to make sure I get good sleep, eat nutritious meals, and get exercise. I will also take care of any necessary practical tasks that arise. Other than that, I'm going to spend all of my time studying. No leisure time until the test is over. I plan to take it the weekend after this weekend. After that I'll take a vacation to recover (I think that will be Thanksgiving weekend the following week, no? If so, that'll be perfect). So, for right now, I'm not tracking work hours, since there are no caps in place.

Score: -1
Total: 20
Work hours today: 0.5
Work hours for the week: 0.5/60

Comments: I need a house cleaner and a psychiatrist. Too bad I have no ducats.

Score: +1
Total: 21
Work hours today: 0
Work hours for the week: 53.5/60
Sleep time: 8.5 hours, will attempt next week.

Summary: Painted the apartment and watched the Eagles. I had some thoughts about my hours count. The point is to make sure that I do just the right amount of work. In theory, over 60 will compromise my humanity, and less will be lazy. So far my definition of what counts was based on an idea. I was thinking that since I have the limit to prevent burn out, essentially, I should count anything that feels like work. If it makes me tired, or sucks, or whatever, that's work. If it's fun, it's not. I'll put up with 60 hours of horse shit per week.

Score: 0
Total: 20
Work hours today: 0
Work hours for the week: 53.5/60
Sleep time: 8.5 hours, will attempt next week.

Comments: The sugar experiment is over. Even after 10 days, once I started eating sugar again, I was completely blown away by how different I was. I had no discipline, I was irritable, I had a harder time dealing with complexity and ambiguity (everything was black or white), and I had no energy. The affects of the abuse on my mind and body are so bad, that nothing other than strategy A is acceptable, because I can't handle any more. Starting tomorrow, I will go back to strategy A.

Score: 0
Total: 20
Work hours today: 8
Work hours for the week: 53.5/60
Sugar Liberation Strategy: Strategy A lasted 10 days; Strategy B lasted 0 days
Strategy C: cold turkey with holidays.
Sleep time: 8.5 hours, will attempt next week.

Comment: It didn't work moderating myself today. I'll comment more later

Score: +1
Total: 20
Work hours today: 11.5
Work hours for the week: 45.5/60
Sugar Liberation Strategy: Strategy A lasted 10 days
Strategy B: ween myself off gradually and then not taking holidays once complete: 0 days
Sleep time: 8.5 hours, will attempt tonight.

Comments: That was a prophetic comment you made yesterday Dan--in the end I couldn't resist the sugar. First it was actually a bag of chips on the way home from the parties. Eva wanted a milkshake, and I wanted one as well, but I didn't want to violate my policy, so I decided to get something equally appetizing but without the sugar, so I chose chips. Once I finished them, I felt like I was in a junk food state of mind, or rather, it was probably like a crack head who started out with weed, and tried to quit all drugs, but then decides to smoke weed again, and in smoking the weed, felt drawn toward the crack. It didn't help that my crack was right in front of me in the form of mind blowing chocolate and espresso powder cookies that Eva made. Anyway, I ate a bunch, ate more for breakfast, and then at work the candy dishes were overflowing and there were donuts in the break room. That was the end of strategy A
I'm going to score strategy B in the following way: since I'm looking for the lowest net intake of sugar, I won't count each day as "a day" for strategy B, because each day won't be a full sugar free day. Rather, I'm going to ween myself off in three stages. The first stage, starting tomorrow, will be close to full indulgence. I'll only hold back a little. This might mean 2 sodas, 2 candy bars, some gummies, and a cookie, for example. Stage two will be leveling off to a bit more than my ideal state, maybe 1 soda, 1 candy bar, and some gummies. Then stage three will be where I began strategy A--only 1 home made / quality dessert in moderation per day, maximum. For now I'll count stage one days as 1/3rds, stage 2 days as 2/3rds, etc. I'll try a week on each.
It was scary to see how much the sugar affected me. For a while, when I was first studying the GREs, and I was abusing sugar like crack, I made a great many careless errors, or "concentration" errors as they're called in football. Once I started strategy A they almost disappeared completely, except that I felt irritable instead, probably from sugar withdrawal. Today I made several incredibly stupid mistakes, making for a very frustrating sessions. I mean shit, I wrote out 6! as 6x5x3x2x1--what the fuck?! And it was funny because the book even had an answer that corresponded to the answer I got using that shitty expression. Anyway, sugar is a beeotch.
One thing I was considering--being on strategy A really changed my sharpness for the better. Should I retry strategy A, and continue to try it until I take the GREs, which will be in about 2-3 weeks? I say this because if I do strategy B now, I will still be relatively sugared up come test time, which concerns me. If I do A, then I might be mentally strong on test day, but it might inhibit my long term efforts to break my habit (since I'd be delaying the experiment). Maybe I could do A until the test and start again? Except if I do B, I'll be at the tail end of phase 2 or even into phase 3 by the time I take the test, so it might not be any different, or it might even be better, because I will have gradually come down from my addiction, so I won't be as irritable as when I insist on doing it all at once and being perfect without easing into it. Anyway, that was a jumble of shit, but comments would be appreciated.

Score: +2
Total: 19
Work hours today: 11
Work hours for the week: 34/60
Sugar Liberation Strategy: Strategy A, cold turkey with no holidays--day 10.
Sleep time: 8.5 hours, will attempt Thursday night.

Summary: Admin, Grad school, pushups, GRE, dinner, and soon off to Halloween parties with Eva. I'm going as Raskalnikov. I'm trying to switch to herbal tea in the morning instead of coffee. I'm not noticing any symptoms of withdrawal. Nothing much has happened really. Last night I got 8.15 hours of sleep, and it wasn't enough. Tonight is going to be a late night because of the party, so I'm voluntarily breaking my experiment sequence tonight. This will probably throw off the results for Thursday night into Friday, so I'll try 8.5 on Thursday and on Sunday/Monday.

Score: +2
Total: 17
Work hours today: 11.5
Work hours for the week: 23/60
Sugar Liberation Strategy: Strategy A, cold turkey with no holidays--day 9.
Sleep time: 8.25 hours, will attempt tonight.

Summary: Missed my bedtime, but only by 15 minutes (but that's the point, making sure to be precise for my experiment). Tonight I will do it! Worked, pushups, admin, halloween costume (19th century Russian student), burrito with Josh, Grad school applications, and GRE.

Score: +2
Total: 15
Work hours today: 11.5
Work hours for the week: 11.5/60
Sugar Liberation Strategy: Strategy A, cold turkey with no holidays--day 8.
Sleep time: 8.25 hours, will attempt tonight.

Summary: Went to bed late last night, shame. Tonight will go to bed at 10. Used Philly Car share to get house plants. Graduate school stuff. Meal planning. GRE vocab. Pushups. Was ok at being calm today. Stressed out driving.

Score: +1
Total: 13
Work hours today: 0
Work hours for the week: 60/60
Sugar Liberation Strategy: Strategy A, cold turkey with no holidays--day 7.
Sleep time: 8.25 hours, will attempt Sunday night.

Summary: breakfast, walk, 4th street deli, lorenzo's, calls, and reading after this. I gave myself a 1 because I didn't relax as much as I should have--I thought too much about work. And then when I was trying to do things, like shop for a costume for next week's party, I was indecisive and ended up with nothing. I haven't read yet. The walk was nice, and I stuck to my principles, so it wasn't bad.

Score: +2
Total: 12
Work hours today: 6.4
Work hours for the week: 60/60
Sugar Liberation Strategy: Strategy A, cold turkey with no holidays--day 6.
Sleep time: 8.25 hours, will attempt Sunday night.

Summary: I spend too much time writing on the blog, so posts will be quicker. Breakfast, coffee at La Colombe, Philly Mag, cleaning house, domains, cleaning bathroom, grocery shopping, laundry, dinner, GRE, after this grad school research until Eva comes home. Listened to Radiohead's new album while cleaning. I want to increase my knowledge of contemporary music. Even though tomorrow is a day off, will skip Eagles game to spend time doing something more valuable, like reading. Need to be less tense next week.

Score: +2
Total: 10
Work hours today: 10
Work hours for the week: 53.6/60
Sugar Liberation Strategy: Strategy A, cold turkey with no holidays--day 5.
Sleep time: 8.25 hours, will attempt Sunday night.

Comments: I stayed very calm today, which has been key. I've been trying to mentally embrace each activity as it is taking place, without worrying about what comes after, or what might go wrong after, as if I were doing whatever I am doing at that moment for eternity. That worked well today. I tried a hoagie from Tony Luke's in Center City, and all I can say is that they should stick with cheesesteaks. When I got home I did push-ups and unpacked and then watched The Devil Wears Prada with Eva, which was much better than I would have thought. I found it entertaining and thought provoking, although I wonder about it's correspondence to reality (like, where it would score on the realness scale, if you take the Godfather saying you can never be a real man without spending time with your family as a 10 and Redneck Zombies as a 1). After that I studied French for 20 minutes, with vigor, and then I worked on GRE for a little over an hour. I'm making less stupid arithmetic mistakes, which is comforting, and I annihilated this purportedly difficult problem involving standard deviation. Shabbat dinner was glorious (Eva cooked everything--matzo ball soup, garlic tomato kale, and challa with wine). Afterward we went over color schemes for painting the apartment, and if I have the energy, I'm going to clean up before going to bed. I might just go to bed.

Score: +2
Total: 8
Work hours today: 12.1
Work hours for the week: 43.6/60
Sugar Liberation Strategy: Strategy A, cold turkey with no holidays--day 4.
Sleep time: 8 hours

Summary: Got everything done exactly as planned. It was glorious. work, pushups, 45 minutes of French, 1 hour of GRE, wrote a letter to my grandparents, cleaned up a bit in the kitchen, and researched grad schools for 1/2 hour.
I had an amazing moment earlier when I was studying French. It was 4:45 in the afternoon, and I was dead tired. I was having a hard time concentrating, and I was tempted to go to sleep. I thought about drinking coffee, but I've already had my 1 cup for the day. I was trying to rationalize taking a nap. But then my reason told me that the only good choice was to power through, so I strained to stay awake and focus, and within about an hour (after moving onto GRE), my sleepiness was replaced by exhilaration at how much I was getting done. It was like opposite physical states traded within an hour of me not doing anything physical.
I'll finally get to read Anna K tonight. Hell yeah. I'll have at least an hour, and probably an hour and 15. I should also go to bed on time tonight (10:15), so I can have the first round in my experiment. If, a) I actually lie down at 10:15 to sleep, and b) I don't wake up naturally before the alarm, I'll try going to be at 10, probably Sunday night or next Monday night (weekend nights are relaxed). If I can't get up without the alarm after going to bed at 10, I'll move to 9:45 and so on. I don't give a shit if I have to go to bed at 6:30 pm, I'm going to get to the point where my body gets all the sleep it needs and wakes up comfortably without the need for an alarm.
Also, another significant thing that's going on is that I'm breaking my sugar addiction. This has God knows what kind of affect on my state of being. I have four different strategies for it. Plan A: go cold turkey and never eat pure shit (candy, soda) again. Actual pastries or desserts that are made with artistry are ok (so a Le Bus croissant is ok, but not a Tastykake, and only 1 Le Bus croissant per day, max) This principle goes for all 4 plans. Plan B: ween myself off in graduated steps, and once I'm completely free, never again. C: go cold turkey but allow myself a few holidays throughout the year where I can eat all the shit that I want to D: ween myself off and allow myself holidays. I'm going to try each strategy, write down how many days it lasts, and then whichever lasts the longest, I'm going to keep trying that one until it works or until another strategy presents itself to me. Actually, while I'm writing this I think I should record which one I'm on and how long it's lasting at the top of my blog. And I'll put the sleep thing up there for good measure.

Schedule for tomorrow:

French 15
GRE 1
Bike lock bracket and registration, up to an hour
Remainder on grad school research.

Score: +2
Total: 6
Work hours today: 10
Work hours for the week: 31.5/60

Summary: Did all the stuff on my schedule except get plants and pick up the card. I did more work on GRE than I expected--about 50 minutes. One major difference today was that I took it easy during lunch. I ate slowly, and read an article on the Inquirer, leisurely. It was great. It aided me to be relaxed for the rest of the day and conserve my energy. To try to cram work into my short lunch break, right after 4 straight hours of work, and just prior to 4 straight hours of work, is too hectic.
Unfortunately I won't hit the pillow until about 10:25, which is ten minutes later than I wanted to. Until I actually lie down at 10:15, I won't be able to judge if it's enough time. My plan is to scale back 15 minutes a night (8 hours, 8.25 hours, 8.5 hours, etc.) until I get to the point where I wake up without the alarm. Other things factor in to this, as I've come to realize. I'll blog about it later

Schedule for tomorrow:

I'm leaving the details up in the air, but because Eva is working again, my goal is 12 working hours tomorrow. At least 45 minutes will be French, and 1 hour will be GRE. I'll probably do admin for an hour or more, and grad school for at least 1/2 hour. HOPEFULLY I'll get to read some Anna K tomorrow night.

Score: +2
Total: 4
Work hours today: 10.75
Work hours for the week: 21.5/60

Summary: woke up late, still did my lunch stuff, went to local office supply about shredder, looked up stuff about it online, spent a lot of time researching health insurance, took a walk to get food, jogged, push-ups, and GRE vocab studying. I need to calm down and be relaxed. Breathe deeply. I'm wasting energy by being tense. I probably would have gotten up on time today if I had relaxed more yesterday, and I'm worried about the same thing tonight.

Schedule for tomorrow:

At lunch: reserve car, if needed
Right after work: haircut
Plants, bike store, card, figure out food.
1/2 hour GRE
Initiate contact with Aetna about chiropractic benefits

Score: +2
Total: 2
Work hours for the week: 10.75/80

Summary: The goal from this point forward is to persist, not to be perfect. Sheldon Brown once talked about how a cornerback must cultivate a short memory because even the best corners will get burned from time to time and you can't expect your game to be perfect, otherwise you'll get depressed and suck worse. Every snap is a new chance, just like every day is a new chance. In fact, every moment is a "new snap", so even if I'm riding a negative day, I should still strive to turn it around even at the last minute(who knows, a late save may earn points).
Another "procedural issue"--to protect myself from burning out, I'm capping off my hours worked per week at 60. Actually, I'm requiring myself to work 60, but not more. So I'll keep a running count of how I'm doing with that. To precisely define what counts as work would be difficult, but I know it when I see it. If anyone notices a pattern, the following would count as work: being at work, studying for the GRE, reading my French grammar book, walking to and from work, exercising, going grocery shopping, blogging, cleaning the bathroom, doing laundry, writing a letter, and paying bills. The following would not be work: sleeping, showering, eating, cooking, cleaning, reading, watching movies, walking around, messing around on the internet, and skateboarding.
Beyond regular work, I studied for the GRE for a 1/2 hour, did laundry, did 7 dive bomber push-ups, studied French for 15 minutes, read a paper my sister wrote and gave feedback, researched graduate school programs, and did some general planning.
I did well in the sense that I was disciplined. I could do better by being less tense. I think I contained my anxiety by not appearing anxious, which is key, but I was still wound up. I need to proceed smoothly, unhurried yet deliberate. It's a fine line.
Tomorrow Eva is catering at night, so I'm going to do extra work. Here's my schedule in outline form:

At lunch: call Clark Office Supply to see if they have a shredder and research barber shops.
4:15-4:30: deal with mail/pushups
4:30-5:30: pick up shredder or get a hair cut.
French: 15 minutes
GRE: 1 hr
Health care: complete a significant step
Grad School: 1/2 hour

Yeah Dan, we need to get on the ball, this is ridiculous. Oh god...I imagine being 40 and being like, "ok, starting tomorrow, we're going to be on point, and here's the new rating system we're going to use" on the other hand, throughout all of this, I have been doing things and have been progressing, so it's not a total loss, just not ideal.
I haven't been posting because I haven't had the internet. Finally, after over a month of trying to get it set up, it's working right now. On my birthday, Oct. 22, I'm going to start my +/- points system with a cumulative score. To review, each day gets anywhere from a +2 to a -2. +2 = totally solid effort, on point, disciplined, and moving in the right direction; +1 = net effect was positive, but it was rocky; 0 = I'm at the same place at the end of the day as I was at the beginning; -1 = slight decline, and -2 = total fuck up. It's good because my birthday is on a Monday, so I can simultaneously start a new week and a new year, each year being from oct 22-oct 21 of the following year. I'll do running counts and also keep track of other things. For example, I could do "books read this year", or something like that.
Between now and my start date, I want to build momentum. I want to flush out the crap from my body, get on a good schedule, etc. so that I can start running. I'll post again on the 22nd

Score for 9/6: +2
Total: 4

Summary: Most of the day was spent moving, but I also had a chance to study French and engage in enjoyable, philosophical discourse with Will. It's incredible being in Philadelphia finally. We walked out of the apartment this morning, through the park, and had a liesurely coffee at La Colombe. It's like a dream.

Score for 9/5: +1
Total: 2

Summary: I went for my job interview, spent time working on domains, and got a lot of exercise walking around the city. I didn't spend any unnecessary money, sort of. I had a 5 dollar bill, and I needed to get on the El, but they don't give change, so I bought 3 pretzels for $1 at Philly Pretzel Company to get change. The pretzels were delicious, and by using the El I saved $3, since it was about $2, whereas the regional rail would have been $5 (maybe a bit less because I could have bought the ticket at the counter). It would be great if I got the job. I'm just waiting for now.
In 12 hours I should be setting up my new apartment in Rittenhouse Square. I've been waiting a while for this.

Score: +1
Total: 1

Summary: Did a decent amount of work; ate slightly immoderately. Didn't spend any money and worked out extra to balance the overindulgence.

Score: -2
Total: 0

Summary: Back to zero, but the shame ends tonight. The score is due to the fact that I spent money and ate immoderately. I took my sister back to WC tonight, and Thursday I move to Philly, so I should be getting back into a normal schedule.

Outcome: -1
Total: 2

Summary: I was immoderate with my eating.

Score: 0
Total: 3

Summary: The good and bad were pretty balanced. I ate a bunch of junk food and sat around wasting time for a while, but then I went in and worked 3 1/2 hours. I didn't spend any money.

Score: -2
Total: 3

Summary: Although not an excuse, my sister coming home for the weekend encouraged me to slide. When we both hang out, the junk food inevitably gets consumed, and we made a run this morning for chips, ice cream, and tastykakes. It was out of hand. I spent money and diminished my health. I didn't do anything productive either.

Score: +2
Total: 5

Summary: Solid, solid day. I had a tough time falling asleep last night after my 16 hour sleep the night before, so I read Anna K for a while and didn't go to bed until 1:30. Needless to say, I was tired when I got up at 7, but my first triumph was getting up instead of falling back asleep. Starting then and throughout the day I ate well, I applied to 6 jobs, wrote one letter, took care of admin for 1 hour, ate lunch, read two chapters of Anna K, worked 4 1/2 hours at the shop while listening to one of the most exciting baseball games I've ever (Phillies won), biked for 1/2 hour, practiced Parkour for 20 minutes--I think I learned my first real trick, the kong jump, studied French for 15 minutes, used my white strips, and now I'm watching the Eagles.

Score: +1
Total: 3

Summary:

Something inexplicable happened today--I slept for 16 hours. I went to bed at 10pm last night and then got up at 2pm today. That took a huge chunk of time out of my day, but I still managed to have a net positive outcome. I applied to two jobs, studied French for 15 minutes, worked out for 1 hour, and worked at the shop for 3 hours.

It was great when I had my win/loss system: it motivated me to behave virtuously in order to keep up my win streaks, and it created a long-term way to notice trends and evaluate strategies. Also, for the reader, it's probably more engaging to follow a system that is used continuously over a long period of time, rather than one that lasts a day or so. In the interest of recreating this condition, I am trying once again to establish a meaningful, long running scoring system.
Each day I will award myself a score between -2 and +2, with the in-between values being -1, 0, and +1. The score reflects how much my actions on that day advanced my goals and were in line with my values. My values will undoubtedly evolve over time, but to start, I am imagining 6 broad categories: health, material stability (including financial status), honoring relationships, cultivating understanding/wisdom, happiness, and contribution to the world. This does not rate discipline in a vacuum, it is meant to describe concrete results toward achieving those ends. A zero is no movement, the negatives are regressions, and the positives are progressions. I will keep a running tally and perhaps state the total change for a given week, month, year, etc.
By the way--and this is totally a shot in the dark--I guessed that a significant improvement in my condition in life will correspond with approximately 700 points. Here's how I estimated that: a +2 means I had a really solid day--I stuck to my schedule, my schedule was well conceived, and I improvised and made adjustments as needed. Also, I worked hard when I worked and rested well when I rested. A full year of completely productive days would be 730 points. It makes sense to me that a full year of solid days, (every day being a 4 or 5 under the ancient system) would add up to a significant change. In a year I could easily write a whole book, complete a massive stack of books, get a major promotion, enter into a new program of study, save up a considerable sum, graduate from a certain level of study, etc. I mean, who knows about this, and different epochs will take more or less time, but I was just having fun thinking about how many points would be required to affect massive change.

Score for 8/28: +2
Total Score: 2

Summary: I wanted to start out strong. I followed my dietary principles of moderation and nutrition, studied French, organized some paperwork, did a Parkour warm-up followed by some trick attempts at Indian Lane, applied for another position (and heard back promptly--I got turned down), worked for 4 hours at my dad's shop, worked on the domain project for 30 minutes, started my Crest Whitening Strips, made a schedule for tomorrow, read a chapter of Anna K, ate dinner with my Mom, wrote to Eva, and now I'm going to try to do the second set of exercises in the Inspectional Reading section of HTRAB.

Outcome: "Loss"

Wins: 1
Losses: 1
Streak: 1 Loss

Quality of the day: Excellent

Days excellent: 1
Days not: 0
Streak: 1


Health: I got a great sleep, allowing myself to rise naturally without an alarm clock, ate a healthy breakfast, refrained from eating candy, worked out, ate a healthy lunch, and wore earplugs during the concert.

Material circumstances: I sorted out some things with my new bank account, made an initial deposit, updated my accounting books, made a phone call pertaining to my job search, interviewed someone regarding the same thing, and wrote an e-mail and letter to thank them. I was also frugal today and spent no unnecessary money.

Wisdom/Understanding: I read a chapter of Anna K, listened to NPR this morning, and read an article in Fortune magazine while waiting for my sister to fill out paperwork for her laptop repair. The interview also counts as a boost of understanding. I guess the concert gave me things to reflect about, which may lead to understanding.

Relationships: I spent somewhat quality time with all three of my immediate family members today, chatted with Dan and Will, and wrote an e-mail to Eva.

Improving the State of the World: This category was weak today. It will probably be weak for a while. I tried to be a good person around my family and my dad's friends--not swearing excessively and being polite. I made a point to be polite to the service people I interacted with today, i.e, at the bank, the repair place, concert, etc. One negative thing happened under the duress of my dad, which was when we were pulling out of the venue parking lot, I cut people off left and right because he was being impatient and telling me to go. I should have done what I thought was right and disregarded him, but that's not easy, especially when it's your dad.

Happiness: The concert was meant to bring happiness, but I don't like concerts that much anymore. It was loud, crowded, and idiotic, in a way. I liked Alice in Chains--they played a good set--but overall it was as harsh as it was enjoyable. Anna K and the rain made me happy. My egg rolls made me happy too.

Ok, breaking down posts by "ends" is too cumbersome, so I probably won't do that again. I will try to keep th excellent days count going.

Today was another good day, but I'm dissatisfied with my grading criteria. This has to do with an old objection that I had but I had forgotten about. Discipline is great, but it's a limited thing to focus on. Even if I follow all my orders exactly, did I go about things in the best way? What did I choose to spend my time on? How did I approach each of those things? I'm shifting to Excellent Days. While doing this, I'm not abandoning my struggle for discipline. An excellent day must be disciplined, or at least mostly disciplined. Things to think about: did this day strengthen or weaken my health? How about my financial picture? Happiness? Wisdom? Relationships? The state of the world? Can anyone else add some criteria?

Disciplined Day

Today was awesome. I got up at 7 sharp, got ready, ate a nutritious breakfast, read through a bunch of information relevant to my job search, e-mailed 2 people, created a contacts/networking database, applied for one position outright, had delicious Asian noodle soup for lunch, sent 3 more e-mails, downloaded Gimp, downloaded my trial version of CAD, messed around on LinkedIn, worked on domains for an hour, practiced French, worked out for 45 minutes, read a chapter of Anna K, wrote to Eva, now I'm cooking dinner (spanakopita), and at 7 I'm going to watch the Eagles game. E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!

Disciplined Days: 1
Undisciplined Days: 7

2 Undisciplined Days

Yesterday because I didn't get up with enough time to have a proper breakfast and shower. As a result I was grouchy at first when Dan and I went into the city. I was pretty good the rest of the day and had a good day overall.
Today I woke and decided to take the day off. Taking a day off is fine, but I told myself that I would work today to make up for some of the lost time this past week. That's a little concerning, but I really do feel like I can get back on this tomorrow. 1) I underestimated how exhausted I would be after my summer program. Honestly, I think I needed 2 weeks off, at least. 2) I have done all the prep work and started my main work, so there's nothing stopping me from just going. Plus, on Sunday, most businesses are closes, which makes it hard for me to call people and set things up. The only thing I need to do today in terms of work is some laundry.

Disciplined Days: 0
Undisciplined Days: 7

Undisciplined Day

I'll keep piling these up, but I'll prevail eventually. I actually disqualified myself right away since I slept through my alarm. When I got up I was depressed that I had an immediate disqualification so I sat on the internet and ate a tastykake. I quickly snapped out of that, showered, brushed my teeth, and ate a very nutritious breakfast. Then I wrote up interview questions for the research phase of my job search, made 2 phone calls, wrote 2 e-mails, talked to one person for a long time, walked to Media, got my hair cut, got groceries, and set up a new checking account. In the evening I hung out with Dan at Borders and Dunkin Donuts. There was some productivity occurring there, mainly reading How To Read A Book and talking about Project X.

Undisciplined Days: 5
Disciplined Days: 0

Undisciplined Day

Same story: decent day, but not perfect. This one was weaker than the last few. TV is such a fuck. One of the best moves I ever made was not getting a TV when I'm not at my parents house.

Disciplined Days: 0
Undisciplined Days: 4

Undisciplined Day

I started strong today. I studied French, exercised even though it was hot as hell outside, and spent a long time taking notes from Parachute. I'm close to having a comprehensive gameplan now for the job search and I'm excited to get it fully underway.
The breech came when I started eating water ice around 5:30. It was a glorious treat, I was so glad to have it since the day was so hot. The problem was that I didn't eat moderately, as I intended to. The other thing was that I sat down to eat it in the living room, and half-way through, my sister came in and turned on the tv, which mesmerized me and made me sit there staring. I hate the television. Later I went to Pinnochios and Wawa and watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Drugs are such a fuck. I'll read Anna K for a bit tonight, and I've already set my alarm for 7 so I'll get up early and have an awesome day. The last three days have actually been pretty good--net result was definitely positive--but I'm still falling short of my goal. Tomorrow I want to notch my first victory.

Disciplined Days: 0
Undisciplined Days: 3

Undisciplined Day

It's a shame that this day needs to be marked as undisciplined, but I'm going for 100% obedience. When I woke up I complained to my sister and my mom about work. They were sympathetic, and the situation is less than ideal, but my complaining was not virtuous. I whined like a bratty child. Once I got to work, I was calm, methodical, and disciplined. After work ended, I ate a healthy dinner, wrote an e-mail to Eva, practiced French, went to Wawa with my sister (I had a small dessert from there), and before I go to sleep I will read a little bit of Anna K.
I want to work on appreciation. Taking a moment before eating to reflect on my good fortune for having food at all would be a good thing. I've been doing that the last few days. This would apply to drinks too, as many people don't have water to drink. Even under the worst conditions, it seems there are things to be thankful of, and wouldn't it be better to meditate on those things than to bemoan the perceived negatives? I really am incredibly fortunate, and if I am to be disciplined, I should not complain (unless the complaint will actually fix something that is unjust or unethical).

Disciplined days: 0
Undisciplined days: 2

I've said this before, and I'll say it again: discipline is my biggest shortcoming right now. I think my discipline is good, relatively speaking, but there's no reason why it can't be 100%. Dan advocates working 100% of our waking hours. I think this is impossible because of energy constraints on the body and the mind. However, I do think that it's possible to be 100% disciplined, which means that your calm, rational mind must give consent to every action before it happens. Does it take energy to muster force of will? When I put it like that, it sounds like it does. Who knows, maybe this is impossible, but I'm shooting for that goal.
Maybe I'll start a count of disciplined and non-disciplined days. To get a disciplined day, I need 100% discipline. I need to be like a fucking Roman soldier, iron willed, no weakness in my executive capacities. If I can continue to be perceptive and intelligent (allowing me to make good plans), and I can combine that with iron discipline (allowing me to methodically carry out my plans), then, "that's when you know it's on".

Disciplined days: 0
Non-disciplined days: 1

I'm back! I'm in Philly again, this time hopefully for good. Wow, it's surreal.
Yesterday I worked on domains, packed, had a lovely dinner, and watched most of Fanny pt.3. Today I rode the train in and read What Color Is Your Parachute, which I would recommend. Later we're getting Indian food at some new place on State Street. I meant to get a pretzel from a vendor at 30th Street Station, but I forgot. Oh well. There will be time for all of these things. I'm back, and things are about to get rolling. Today I want to regroup mentally and relax, and starting tomorrow I'm going to pursue the housing as priority #1.

It's on again.
Wow, my program just finished. I've never had a more "action-packed" 6 weeks. Actually, it was more like "full-throttle", beyond "action-packed". To my surprise my review went great, it seems like I did a good job. Maybe my instructor was just trying to push me, and I misinterprated that as dissaproval.
I need to relax. I'm trying to get back sleep and breathe deeply. There's a lot I want to read. Right now I'm waiting to scan pictures...and now it's ready to go, peace.

I'm going to stop blogging for a while. Here's the reason: the program here is absolutely ridiculous in terms of time demands. I can manage my time as well as I want, but the program still consumes nearly all of it. I know blogging is a little thing, but I want to reduce all my activities down to the most basic level so that I can do the best possible job while I'm here. And ultimately, if I can spend that 5 minutes thinking of a domain rather than blogging, that'll be for the best right now.

After I posted last night, I walked home, took care of my administrative stuff, and read some French. Shamefully, I gave into my temptation to eat a pop sickle, even though I had already had my dessert for the day.
Today I walked to the GSD, paid attention during an awesome lecture, sat through a second lecture, experimented with Photoshop, worked on my cube drawings, started working on my house project for Thursday, had Indian food for dinner at a place called Ghandi on Mass Ave, stopped by the art store, picked up the latest copy of Dwell magazine, and clipped out pictures to give me ideas for my design. After posting I plan to e-mail Eva, finish my cube 2 project, possibly do some more work on the house, and then walk home and possibly finish watching Fanny.
I haven't broken any of my principles yet today. The only thing I did was hesitate and act weakly for a short time this afternoon as I was getting frustrated with my projects.

I got in some walking on my way to class, listened carefully to a lecture on drawing, listened carefully to a lecture on perspectives, ate moderately and semi-frugally, finished my axon with good results, listened carefully during an informal pin-up/critique, completed my portion of the group assignment due tomorrow, e-mailed Eva, and learned some things on Photoshop. Before going to bed, I plan to walk back home, do 7 dive-bomber push-ups (they're an extreme version of a push-up that offers a much more comprehensive exercise), perform my nightly dental routine, and perhaps watch some of Fanny.
Shameful things: 1. being late enough to force me to take the bus. This was somewhat planned, since I allowed myself extra sleep, but still, I should have been able to make it without. 2. Taking too long at dinner--I was talking, it was pleasant, but I should have gotten back sooner 3. Not being as efficient as I could have been during the group exercise.
These are minor things.

So far today I enjoyed sleeping late, ate a healthy breakfast, talked to my Mom, walked to the GSD, created my block design, and enjoyed some pizza at Pinnochios (alas, not the one in Media). By the end of the evening I plan to create two sections and an axonometric of my design, which will complete my homework for the weekend. One thing I did shamefully was that I overindulged in snacks earlier this afternoon.

I stuck to my schedule for the most part. School until 7, and then dinner, French, and domain. I'm about to go to bed because I'm falling asleep in my chair. Why am I so tired? And why didn't I stick to my schedule? I went to bed 25 minutes late last night, which might have something to do with it. I also didn't sleep well, which I can't directly control. I didn't work efficiently enough at school today, so I got stressed out and tired. Overall I did decently though.

Ambition vs. health. It's tough to balance these interests, which often conflict. Sometimes I want to redo Artist's Way for the sake of health, but the time commitment would mean that I couldn't do anything else, including work on the domain name. Is it worth it? Putting aside the argument that doing the program again would ultimately enhance my creativity and thus allow me to fulfill my ambitions, I'm conflicted about this. Part of me thinks, "Just do the domain, then finish the book, and then your extra projects will be done and you can reduce your work load down to one thing--design and planning." The problem is that projects always come up and I always heap tasks upon myself. Specifically, as it concerns the present moment, it seems silly to throw away the opportunity to be a part of the website just to get a few extra hours right now. That's potential financial independence, at the low cost of maybe 20 hours. At least I worked like a champion today.

One point in favor of me choosing architecture as a career is that I like doing it. Today I listened to lectures on the topic from 9-12 and then worked from 1 until 10, without really stopping. I had a bag of trail mix from the vending machine at one point, but I didn't get that hungry, and I didn't get tired really. This is a big plus. I like this shit.

It's good to see posts appearing again from the crowd.
Today was action-packed, and I'll only do a quick gloss: lecture on drawing, studied book on modern architecture, worked on multi-view orthographics for my model from yesterday, started taking measurements for our analysis of the Carpenter Center, and then continued to work on my drawings with model expansion. That shit right there took from 9am to 10pm. I'm tired. Peace.

Day 1 of my program is complete. It was great. We already made a model on the first day, and I think we're going to expand on it tomorrow. We were divided into small groups of about 10, and my group seems tight. It'll be intense, but excellent.
I was proud that I minimized my social awkwardness today. I wasn't Tom Hagen, but who is these days? One day I hope to get to that point, but until then I'll just do my best. There was only one real faux-pas, and it's debatable where the fault lies: I was talking to this guy and he mentioned that he was attending UC Santa Cruz. I asked him if he was from California, just because many of the UC students are from in state, and he was like, "Wait...did I say that?" but in a tone that sounded like he may have been offended. Then I realized that he may have thought I was stereo typing him, because he was drinking some kind of natural drink, carrying a skateboard, had a pony tail, and was wearing some slightly hippyish clothing. The truth is that people of his appearance can be found all over, so I didn't make any assumptions about his home state based on his appearance. Oh well, it was slight, but if I were Tom Hagen I probably could have prevented that from happening.
Not much else happened today. I did some push-ups. The walk from my house to school takes almost 30 minutes, so that's basically my workout right there. I might do a bit of French before bed, but I might not.

Back in PA. Greyhound was a little sketchy.

Today I spent most of my time preparing to leave. I had a lovely dinner with Jin and Andy. Before I go to bed I may analyze a Wittman poem with Mark. Tomorrow, it's peace out Maryland.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 9-6
Streak: Won 3

Summary: I tackled the day like Brian Dawkins. In seriousness though, my day at work was high intensity, and the fact that I came home and promptly knocked out my personal stuff was excellent.

Outcome for the last two days: "Win"
Record: 8-6
Streak: Won 2

Summary: This period of time will be all about dynamic time management, meaning, I need to be virtuous when I can and not be tyrannical or overly rigid about apriori guidlines. If I make a schedule and something comes up, I need to be flexible and go with it. Right now I just need to accept the fact that my material circumstances are kind of in flux. Anyway, I got a lot of shit done in the last two days. I ate too many cookies at work, but other than that, my days were solid.

Outcome for the last 5 days: Loss
Record: 6-6
Streak: Lost 5

Summary: I know this sounds bad, and it is, to an extent, but it's not catastrophic. I mainly got losses because I was more sloppy than I would have liked, not because I was completely sloppy. So, ideally, I want to do 1 hour of sketching, 2 hours of GRE, and 1 hour of book--then my lost days might have 1 hour of sketching and 1 hour of GRE, or some other incomplete combination. I haven't read that much. I haven't worked on the domain as much as I could have. So what's causing this?
Things within my control: 1. discipline. I'm just not trying hard enough. 2. forgetting the importance of the little things. For example, I'll allow myself to slide and go to bed at 11:30 instead of 10:30, thinking it'll be fine either way, and if I try hard enough, it won't make a difference. Of course, that's wrong, and it does make a difference. This applies to sleep, morning routine, and diet. 3. anxiety. My anxiety has been out of control. I need to meditate and breathe deeply and calm my mind.

Things beyond my control: 1. the game cube. That thing is an asshole. 2. the sleeping situation. 3. the logistical difficulty of doing my homework, specifically my sketching assignment. The apartment isn't well suited for homework, but it's difficult moving the sketching tutorial, since it requires so much crap.

Plan to fix all of this: 1. try harder, try to remind myself of what's at stake in all of this. 2. be sharp and non-yielding on the little things. 3. prepare myself to be mobile and expect not to do any homework in the apartment. 4. knock out the domain thing as soon as possible so I can cross off another thing from my list.

Outcome: Win
Record: 6-1
Streak: Won 3

Summary: Bad wake up, which I must figure out, but then it was good. Wrote a letter, took care of a logistical issue, drafted an e-mail, worked on the domain, studied GRE for an hour, worked on my novel or an hour, sketched for an hour, and ran some errands to get sketching supplies.
I think my sleeping situation is such that bad wake ups are going to be common. If I keep having days like today, where everything but my wake up is good, I can live with that.

Outcome: Win
Record: 5-1
Streak: Won 2

Summary: Today was solid, although my behaviour is still a bit sloppy (the opposite of crisp and deliberate). I've had moments of both high anxiety and pleasant, meditative tranquility. Of course I'm striving to cultivate the latter.
I worked on the domain name, put in 15 minutes of extra time at work, finished section 3 of French, did a calesthenics exercise like the old days, did my laundry, studied for the GRE, and looked at the next assignment in my sketching tutorial.
When I woke up I felt like a mountain of assholes. I don't know what's up. Maybe I'm just not sleeping well in my new environment. Oh well, it's very temporary.

Outcome for 5/20: Loss
Outcome for 5/21: Win
Record: 4-1
Streak: Won 1

Summary: It's all good if I relax on my days off--that's the point--but there is a limit to how sloppy I want to allow myself to be. Yesterday was over the line in several ways. It's not really that significant in the larger picture.
Today was great, except or the fact that I woke up 20 minutes late. It's really true that a bad morning can cast a shadow over the rest of the day. I persevered though, and it was good in the end. I decided that at this point, my fitness goals have more to do with body sculpting rather than body weight. My weight is at least decent--maybe it could go down. But I'm not weighing myself anymore. I did the second part of the dialogues plus the audio part of the grammar for my current section. I wrote a career oriented letter, worked on the domain name for a bit, began writing a second letter, worked on my summer budget, picked up the GRE book, studied the sketching tutorial for 1/2 hour, and worked on my book for an hour. After this I plan to read until bed time.

Outcome for 5/19: Win

Record: 3-0

Streak: Won 3

Summary: I'm too hard on myself sometimes. I need to remember that I'm on vacation, for the purpose of relaxing and recharging, not to work. That said, I still had a decent day. I got up, worked out, called some people, went on a walk, read a bit (yes, finally I did some reading!), slept for several hours, read some more, finished Marius, read, played chess, and I think I'll play Madden until I go to bed. I thought about giving myself a loss since I decided to play Madden instead of continuing to read, but that's ridiculous.