Outcome: Win
Record: 1-0
Streak: Won 1

Summary: I’m in the midst of a battle with my final class project for 111. When I got home from work, I spent nearly all of my time working on the perspective. It’ll be nice when it’s done on Monday. It is rewarding, nonetheless. My plan is to finish the perspective tonight or tomorrow night, transfer my drawings to vellum tomorrow night, or Sunday early afternoon, and finish the model late into the night on Sunday, possibly missing some work to get it finished.

In keeping with my mission to focus on what works as opposed to what seems like it should work, I asked myself which blog scheme produced the best motivational results? The answer is my win/loss and streak system. It pushed me in a way that others didn't. Therefore, I'm switching back starting tomorrow.
There was a concept I wanted to post about last night but I couldn't get online. It's inspired by Artist's Way and a concept she talks about called "resting on the page". It's when writing is what you do to relax, not what you do when you have enough energy or have the motivation to do it. I have applied this to myself, mainly in drafting, with good results. I stop worrying about deadlines or how far I am, and I just play with it, like a kid. Have that be my TV or video games. Repose in the drafting.

I did a good job today, if not an excellent one. I weighed in around 173, and worked on my French at lunch. I couldn’t quite finish the exercises for lesson 2, but I will definitely finish them tomorrow. I’m trying to go slower this time around to savor the points and really let them sink in. There’s no rush, really. I was ridiculously tired today. I’m psyched to be going to bed soon. I sold my car this afternoon, which takes care of one major logistical issue in “the move to Nevada”, or Philly via Boston in my case. Class was good, although I complained and made sour faces too much. I find that it’s hard to maintain a positive and enthusiastic attitude when everyone around you is complaining and making sour faces. The funny thing is, I actually like the project in a way and I’m getting a lot out of it, so I don’t really hate it, and I actually am enthusiastic about it, but I feel compelled to join in the chorus. Odd. I took a walk between classes in the forest area in the middle of campus. It was beautiful. I haven’t been in a forest in months, and it was very refreshing. Emerson said a man becomes a man again by returning to nature, and I can see what he’s talking about. In Philly I’m going to be in Fairmount park on a regular basis. We reviewed for the final in class 2, which should be easy, and to cap off the night I got a free sheet of chip board for my model, which means I don’t need to go out and buy any.

I’m deep in the trenches right now. I carried myself like a champion thus far, and if I keep it up, I’ll come out the other end with a great project.
In other areas of striving, my weight is back down around 172 and I finished the second time through the dialogue and completed the grammar section in lesson 2. I think I will finish this lesson tomorrow, which is a new record--three days!
I’m considering adopting a new policy, which is to forbid myself from consuming artless sugary creations. Here’s why I use that term. I’m basically talking about candy or other things that don’t provide me with a rich experience but rather a hollow kick of flavor, almost acting like a drug. Foods like pastries or homemade desserts would still be fair game. Craft confections would also be ok. Straight forward soda would not be ok, but maybe a creative alcoholic drink utilizing a soda would be ok. I don’t know if this makes sense. I’m strongly leaning toward adopting this policy. One category in particular that I was wondering about was Tastykakes. They seem half-way between artisan baked goods and junk candy. I don’t want to stop eating Tastykakes, both for the flavor and for the sentimental value they carry. We’ll see.

I felt worn out when I woke up this morning. First of all, I haven't been getting proper sleep, which I can only realistically address once I finish my project, but for the short-term I think I get by with less than perfect sleep. Another thing that I would guess contributed to my state was my pace yesterday. I worked so hard and fast all day--today I need to tone back unless I want to burn out before the week's done.
I was also reminded this morning of how there isn't much buffer time between when I get up and when I go to work. I normally wake up at 6 to write and then start getting ready for the day at 7. On days like these, when I need to shift all my attention to one thing, I skip the writing and get up at 7. I need to leave my apartment at 7:50 to get to work on time, so I have 50 minutes. In that time I need to shower, get dressed, pack my bag, eat my breakfast, and pack my lunch. I've gotten into the habit of eating a huge breakfast to provide me with sustained energy throughout the day. I learned this in Canada, and it really works. Well, this morning I decided to sleep an extra 10 minutes and then compensate by rushing through my routine. In retrospect this was a bad trade off. It's true that I gained energy from my extra 10 minutes of sleep. However, I lost energy because I didn't have time to eat my full breakfast, not to mention the fact that I didn't have enough time to scrounge up a full lunch. The regenerative power of excellent nutrition outweighs that of 10 minutes of extra sleep. In the future I need to get up at 7 (or 6) promptly with this observation in mind.

Great all-around day. I didn’t indulge myself at all. For example, even though I allow myself 1 dessert, I didn’t take it. I also would have been permitted to watch the Phillies game on game cast, but I didn’t. I’m not trying to be needlessly harsh with myself. It’s more a question of trying to put myself into overdrive mode to do nothing extraneous until I finish my class project.
I got my grade in the second class so far and it’s solid--over 100%. The project for the first class is going well, and I think it’ll be great in the end. I studied the dialogue from lesson 2 in my French and went through the audio the first time.

When I got home from class I cleaned the kitchen as thoroughly as possible without pulling out the stove and cleaning behind the appliances. The best part was I did it vigorously and it only took 45 minutes to do everything--dishes, emptying the dish washer, surfaces, trash, and floor.
I need to eat more slowly and remember to breathe. I gave myself indigestion from eating too fast at lunch and between work and class. Admittedly, those two times are extremely tight, and I’m often under stress then. Maybe if I get a palpable lead on my UPS shit at work and just focus on eating and cleaning up between class (in other words, taking care of my work and eliminating extraneous stuff), I can reduce my stress.

I hope to be consistent one day.
My post last night seems ridiculous to me now. It occurred to me that I basically know how to be effective--schedules, budgets, policies, etc. How to think about everything seems less important than what you actually do. There's a basic level of pure will, seriousness--the opposite of the carelessness that the Godfather talked about--that is required to do anything. There's no trick to this. To treat your protesting mind as if it requires an answer is to give it too much credit, and it undermines your efforts. Just say fuck you to this part of your mind and start working. The real work of strategy and the science of being effective is to know how much of each thing is proper, or when to set deadlines, or what your policies should be. Say, 1 dessert a day as opposed to 1 every other day.
So, I'm still going to keep track of my progress. But I won't worry about how I'm thinking about it, or anything like that. I'll just do it, and we'll see how effective I am. I'll list total number of pages read, number of lessons, pounds lost (or gained), etc. as I go along, and I'll tweak my system as it seems necessary.

I'm going to try an experiment. I'm going to tone back my efforts to control myself. I will yield to spontaneity and resist the impulse to systematize my life. This will be difficult, but I want to learn the best means to live effectively, which means I need to try as many different plausible strategies as possible. I'll reign myself back in if I seem close to disaster. One element of control that I will retain, however, is that I will attempt to monitor my experiment vigorously.

Unless Dan pulls something out of his ass beyond what the Tattaglias can guarantee, I'm staying with my buddy Mark here in Annapolis until my program begins.
I'm kicking ass and studying hard. By the end of this weekend I should be back on track, and back on a normal healthy schedule. Word to getting past this ridiculous little detour of horse shit--a man in my position cannot afford to be made to look RIDICULOUS!

Another great day for discipline. I followed all of my basic principles, which in itself adds up to a lot. I went through some exercises in my French program at lunch, and I spent some time with my grammar book in the evening. The main accomplishment for the day was the progress that I made in my logistical planning for the summer.
For the rest of the night I plan to eat, do laundry, and go to bed. I want to be asleep by 8pm at the latest. I have a major sleep deficit at the moment.

I got into the summer program! I'm psyched about that.
Class went well tonight. I got helpful feedback on my first project, and then I gave a presentation in the second class, which the prof said was good. I was a bit worried because I only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep last night due to homework, and I thought I might sound drunk or something during my talk, but I felt fine and seemed to do well.
My discipline was excellent today.

I started monitoring myself around 5pm today.

Progress: I sustained a high level of focus during class and made inroads on my projects.

Ethics: Discipline was good. I would give myself two demerits--one for clicking my nail against my teeth during class and another for swabbing my ear with my pinky (both unsanitary and unsightly actions). On the flip side, not horrible transgressions, and they were both involuntary. Ideally I could eliminate the unsightly, involuntary things I do, such as cracking my joints, clicking my teeth, and picking my ear. My posture is also atrocious.
I had good humility in class (won't get into details). Unfortunately my tranquility was off. I have an anxiety problem, pure and simple. When I get good sleep, eat well, exercise, and give myself time to rest, it greatly reduces my anxiety, so until I can afford professional help, I can take these actions to minimize the problems. My vigor was exemplary, especially considering my sleep deprivation. My social grace was ok, but the above-mentioned bodily stuff lessens my social grace.

I'm ready to pull myself out of the senseless funk that I've been in lately. *cue Rocky music*

I collapsed last night. The people in class started bitching about the project and chatting about non-related crap, and I joined in. It was shameful. I need to be more disciplined.
Notwithstanding, I think there was a strong contributing factor to my collapse which was outside of my control at that point. The night before I had only slept about 3 hours (I had to stay up to do homework), and I ran out of steam once I got to class. I'm going to start generating my schedules with more consideration given to my immediate state. Like, in the abstract, maybe I could expect to do 3 hours of homework tonight, but because I'm sleep deprived and I haven't had a break in a while, I'll lower that to 1 hour, I'll rest for 1 hour, and I'll go to bed an hour earlier. This is all obvious shit, but for some reason it's hard for me to consistently observe it.

Days Since a Collapse: 1

Progress: Weighed in at 176.4 and completed a first read-through of my French lesson. I'm going back through my Living Languages Advanced French program. This time I expect each lesson to take 4 days, which means the program will last 80 working days.
My weight is shameful, but it's not a surprise since my eating and exercising habits have shameful. I intend to correct that starting now, and I hope to break 170 before I leave Maryland.
Tonight in class I will advance at least my first project, if not the one from the other class as well.

Ethics: I did well with social grace today. I was conscious of how I presented myself to others, and I think I did a good job.
I was also disciplined in general, since I had a virtuous day today after several weeks of only semi-virtuous days at best.
I suffered from my usual anxiety, but in a milder-than-normal form.
The main area that I could have done better in was patience. There was a slice of pizza up for grabs, and I was so eager to eat it, that I picked up the nearest plate, which was disposable, and popped it into the microwave. If I had paused for a second, I would have realized that I have a ceramic plate in my work area that I could have used, thus saving a disposable one. I was also impatient to get home to see if I received word from my summer program, which I did not. There's an anecdote from the life of Lycurgus that keeps re-emerging in my memory. It was said that when he received correspondence, even ones of great personal consequence, he would delay receiving it for at least one day in order to cultivate patience. That's real. If I get my response letter from the program, it won't be wrong for me to open it, but it will be awesome if I can put it aside for a day and wait in patience. I'll try to do it when the time comes.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 3-0
Streak: Won 3

Summary: My weight is down to 174.1. I'm very surprised that it's not higher than that after the last two weeks. Tomorrow I should finish my current French program. I wrote a letter, and in a little I'm going to my classes. I still have As in both of them.
My emotions went ape on me today, but I powered through it. My monk/warrior paradigm serves me extremely well when I use it. To review, that's where my first move is to be tranquil, even meditative, and go about each task in a calm, orderly fashion, fully embracing each task for its good, and not paying attention to time or how close I am to being done. If this doesn't work, I switch to the warrior mode, where I power through each thing and almost punish myself with more work. When I start having anxiety about not finishing, or if I start being impatient, I'll stop paying attention to that and just tackle my assignments.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 2-0
Streak: Won 2

Summary: So far so good. My weight isn't as bad as I thought, given how lazy I've been lately--it was around 174. I did a long lesson in French at lunch. When I got home I cleaned up around the house. I'm going to hang out with Eva tonight and then go to bed early.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 1-0
Streak: Won 1

Summary: It was a good thing when we were posting, so I'm reaffirming my commitment to it. I see the last few weeks as a steady decline in my self-control, so I am exerting all of my willpower to restore discipline. Today I obeyed myself.

I don't know what made me think of this, but I had an experience at a Wawa that would probably make Philly natives want to puke. So here's the story:
I went in and ordered a standard cheese hoagie: american, provolone, LTO, oil, oregano, sweet peppers, a bit of salt, and a very light amount of mayo. (All right, I know mayo is a point of debate, with most people probably saying it shouldn't be on there, but that's completely beside the point). Anyway, I went out to the car to eat it, and when I opened it up, the sandwich was a horror to behold. Not only was there just one type of cheese on there--american--but there were four of those fucking triangles on the bottom, Subway style. I almost hurled it down like Dan at Sarcones. I went back in, trying to stay calm, and I showed the person at the deli. She could barely speak English, so that made it difficult (either that or she was really tired). Then, she told me, "I gave you twice the amount of american which meant that I couldn't give you any provolone." I stopped being able to speak English for a second because I couldn't fucking believe what I was being told. After collecting my thoughts, I showed her my ticket and said that, #1, I ordered american and provolone, and paid for american and provolone, so both cheeses better be on my hoagie, and #2, if Wawa has changed its policies so that now they only put on a Subway quantity of cheese, I want a refund and I'm leaving. After I said that, she actually started getting surly. She mumbled something unintelligible, and finally she slapped down two pieces of provolone haphazardly on top of the sandwich. I should have made her reconstruct the whole sandwich with me watching, but I feel bad about wasting food, so I just settled for some added slices on the top.
Anyway, that was my latest Wawa story.

All right, forget about that shit, I'm going back to a win/loss system. I know it's ghetto, but it was effective in its own way. To review, a win means: generally good ethics, good discipline and following my plan, completing my work. Just following my plans and principles.