Outcome for 10/22: "Win"
Record: 21-0
Streak: 21

Summary: Chilled out at my house, watched the Eagles tragedy unfold, got hoagies, got coffee, picked up a whole Lorenzo's for everyone for dinner, drove back to Annapolis, had some cake, and went to bed.

Week in Review: Philly was fun as always. I did a good job this week (I genuinely avoided a loss). There are three key areas I want to focus on for next week. 1)I want to continue my 1 hour per day minimum writing. This worked gloriously last week, and I want to keep it up. 2) I want to make more of a push on plan b. I've already allotted at least an hour a day to it, but I need to be more aggressive. 3) Last week I could have made a more sincere effort at work, especially Friday. Not that I was straight up negligent, but perhaps I got too relaxed for a moment. Next week I want to go back to putting in impecable days (this will be a huge challenge since I'm very restless and want to be doing all writing and plan b).

Outcome for 10/23: "Win"
Record: 22-0
Streak: 22

Summary: I basically fasted today and just drank water to clear myself out. Hoagies, pizza, candy, cheesesteaks, cake, etc. will fuck you up. It fucked me up. I also didn't get enough sleep, so I'm going to bed very early tonight.
I put in a 95% solid effort at work, better than last Friday, but could have been slightly better. I just felt so crappy all day.
I spent a very good hour writing. I almost skipped it today because I was so tired, which, of course, would have warranted an automatic loss, so I powered through my tiredness.
I spent an hour working on Plan B. I contacted the director of an environmental design/"green" architecture firm in Baltimore to see about the possibly of talking to someone there about my interests.
Yeah, fucking Eagles. I don't know, in a way I feel less concerned about wins and losses after Sunday. I think if they're doing really well and obviously on track for the Super Bowl, it's like they're keeping up a perfect volley and it's crushing to drop it/lose. If they start losing a lot, and it seems like they might still make it to the Superbowl, but maybe not, losses are not as hard to bare, at least for me. I'm not saying that I've given up on this season--far from it, but it's more like I won't be super dissapointed if they don't make it to the post season. If they do, it'll b a pleasant surprise, something I didn't see coming or take for granted.

Outcome for 10/21: "Win"
Record: 20-0
Streak: 20

Summary: Went to Philly, hell yeah. Stopped at Tony Luke's for cheese steaks for the meat eaters, while I got an Uncle Mike's with cheese. It was delicious but too spicy. The place was South Philly par excellence. Before leaving the area we got pretzels at the Philly Soft Pretzel factory at 3 for 1$. Ben said this was the best pretzel he'd ever had. It was one of the best I'd ever had. Then we drove into Center City, dropped Ada off at the subway to go meet her friend at Temple, and afterward the rest of us went to the Rittenhouse area. We got delicious cappucinos at La Colombe, walked around, hung out at the Barnes and Noble, picked up Ada, walked up Broad through City Hall and went back to Rittenhouse. The girls went to some stores, while Ben and I watched skaters at City Hall/Love Park. For dinner we met my family at Charles Plaza in Chinatown, which was lovely. Finally, we went to South Street to finish off the night. By the way, Ada, who is from north Jersey, and Ben, from San Francisco, both said, almost upon first taste, that Lorenzo's was the best pizza that they'd ever had in their lives, hands down.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 19-0
Streak: 19

Summary: It's important on days full of unusual things to keep a focus on priorities. Today at work was casual--someone brought in free lunch, I had a nice coffee in the morning, and I got to participate in a cupping. I was feeling free and happy with my friday. Then I got this wierd aesthetic anxiety, like my work-day was somehow less than my best and that I was going to get a loss today. But I figured if I wrote, which I did, and kept up with the French, which I did, and spent any extra time on plan b, which I would have if I had any, then it was ok and I could still count the day as a win. Basically writing, plan b, and ethics are the real fundamental criteria, and if I cover those things, then I'm good.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 18-0
Streak: 18

Summary: Hour of writing, worked, planned for this weekend, did enough French so that I'll finish the lesson tomorrow, worked on project x for an hour, made dinner, and soon I'll read.
Here's how much I'll say about project x: it is no longer active; instead, it is being subsumed under a larger project, which is to start down the path of a plan b in case the book doesn't work, meaning graduate school preparation, looking into different programs, etc. I'll let you figure out what project x was. Right now I'm researching the functions and professional lives of urban planners and green architects, as a start.
I noticed that I tighten my stomach muscles pretty much all day. That probably wastes a lot of energy. Only when I become aware of it do I temporarily relax them. I'm not going to stress about this too much, but I will try to work on it. Like Andy Ried says, "we need to do better on that" Speaking of which, briefly, what the hell Mike Lewis? He went from being one of my favorite players on the team, who I viewed as an underrated Dawkins, to not being able to cover shit on the pass. He still tackles like a beast, and I have faith that he'll turn around, but damn.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 17-0
Streak: 17

Summary: Writing for an hour and a half, French for 15 minutes, normal stuff, tried to adjust my schedule so Eva and I can spend more time, and worked on project x. Tonight will be reading.
I'm ready to reveal project x, sort of. But first Dan must post. That's the deal: I'll stop being mysterious if Dan starts posting again. Hell yeah D-rock on the accomplishments and the regular posting.
So Dan, you know how you've mentioned a point where a person starts living virtuously and never turns back? Like after all the false starts and fuck ups, maybe you can finally launch and maintain it with some kind of permanence? I don't want to jinx myself or be overconfident, not to mention my skepticism as to whether such a point actually exists, but if it does exist, maybe I reached it. Who knows. I'm not inflating my scores at all, and I can't see myself faltering right now.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 16-0
Streak: 16

Summary: Today I did a good job with the things I committed to working on. I maintained good mental control and had a positive outlook. I should mention that last night I read a ton, in a quality fashion, and I'm about 160 pages into the book now after two days. That's the kind of progress that I like to see. I wrote for an hour and a half today. My outline for the first part is finalized, and I'm ready to go full-on with writing it. That should maybe take 2 weeks. I did some of the French lesson, and just now I put some time into project x. Getting a full night of sleep last night was hugely beneficial toward every aspect of my endeavor for virtue today. It's so essential.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 15-0
Streak: 15

Summary: Today, like that one day last week, was another close win. Some things I did well: writing was great, and I overcame my initial malaise that I felt when I woke up. Things I didn't do well: I looked at Philadelphiaeagles.com for injury updates and commentary, which is bad because I committed to stop reading crap like that, since it is incidental to the actual games. I was still bummed about the game, which I think needs to be worked on. By that I mean that I need to do better making sure that the games don't affect me negatively. My project x time was so-so, but in retrospect, it wasn't terrible (I only put in about 1/2 an hour). I'm giving myself the win on the condition that I exhibit good mental control throughout the rest of the day, cook and clean efficiently, and read during my leisure time. If I screw up any of those things, I'm logging on and changing the outcome to a loss.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 14-0
Streak: 14

Summary: Sad loss for the Eagles. I have to try extra hard to maintain my composure. Getting up was nice, the game was horrible, I ate too much at the bar and I'm feeling sick, I cleaned a lot and made lunch for next week, and later I'll probably read. I didn't do anything really unethical today, that I know of, so that's why I got the win (this is supposed to be my day of rest).

Weekly Summary: This was another awesome week in terms of striving for virtue. I took care of the basics--ate moderately, did my job faithfully at work, took care of my domestic tasks, and treated others with respect. I put in a lot of work on project x--this week it actually got off the ground, and if I continue putting in work at the same level, it'll be a huge success. I didn't write a lot because I was working on project x. This will be changed next week. I completed at least 1 lesson in French (I can't remember how much I did)--I only work on that for 15 minutes Mon-Fri on lunch break at work. I finished Hebrew Thought Compared With Greek. It was very interesting, but I felt like I didn't have a way to know whether the guy was right or not, since I'm not a Hebrew scholar (I'm not a Greek scholar either). I just enjoyed the ride. His hypothesis is beautiful, if nothing else. Definitely worthwhile.
Plan for next week: The big adjustment I'm going to make to my system is to require myself to write for at least an hour each day, including Saturday. Project x is the most important project right now, but I can't let it eclipse the writing. As always I need to continue working on my mental control and maintaining a good state of mind. I did better with that this week, but I still have a long way to go. Also, I need to read even more--again, I did more of that this week, but I need to do more. I basically get involved in distractions which are not necessarily forbidden by my system, but are still not the best I could be doing. Here's an example: one day this week I had about 2 1/2 hours that I could have read before going to sleep. While I was finishing up my tasks in the kitchen, Eva started watching Gilmore Girls on her computer. In my system currently, the time between the completion of all my chores and bedtime is free for relaxation, but ideally I should spend it doing something of high value, such as reading. That night I let myself sit down and watch Gilmore Girls for the whole 2 1/2 hours. It wasn't a failure or forbidden by the system, since I'm allowed to relax at the end of the night, but it would have been better if I used the time reading. Well, on the other hand, since it was time with Eva, it was good in that sense, so maybe I could have spent an hour watching that and an hour and a half reading. Or on another night, I talked to a friend on the phone, which is virtuous, but the call really didn't need to take 2 hours, as it did. Like watching GGs, it wasn't forbidden, but I could have maybe talked for 1/2 an hour and read for 1 1/2 hours. My next book is How to Read a Book by Mortimer Adler.
Yo Dan, seriously, your goal for next week should be to post on your blog. D rock is kicking your ass with posts, and I haven't seen anything from Kyle in a long time.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 13-0
Streak: 13

Summary: The first half of my day was perfect. I got up leisurely, ate a nice breakfast with coffee, hung out with Eva, showered, and then we did all of our shopping in an hour and half, including shitty driving and parking time. I love that I only drive once a week. After than we unpacked the stuff, I cleaned the bathroom, I did some dishes, and then I put in a solid hour on the novel, using my new strategy of short but numerous time bursts to work on it. It went well, and from here on out I'm chilling, hoping to finish a ton of reading, and later I'll watch a movie with Eva.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 12-0
Streak: 12

Summary: Today was an all around solid day. There was a short stretch of time in the morning when I started to panic, like I sensed that the day was heading toward disaster. At the time I recognized my emotions as irrational, and I actually cured it by going over all the things I was going to do today in my head and drinking a cup of coffee. It worked.
I did all the normal stuff, plus worked 4 or 5 hours overtime for the week (which amounts to basically a full day of normal pay), did a few errands, and then in the evening I completed a big step in project x and wrote for about an hour and a half.
I had a thought while I was writing tonight. I noticed that the law of diminishing returns is especially true for me when it comes to writing, I'm not sure why. Maybe because it's so demanding. But in any event, I lose steam quickly, and I get to the point where I'm basically writing horse shit if I force myself to continue. I remedy this in a variety of ways--sometimes I switch to revision tasks, sometimes I work on project x for a while, and sometimes I take a short break. They all seem to work, but even once I start up again, the amount of recharge that I get keeps getting smaller and smaller compared to what I had at the beginning. Then I imagined a scenario that might be ideal for me in the future. Perhaps I can work during the day in green architecture, or sustainable development--something environmental and technical. Say I get off at 4:30, then I can do some intense yet fun workout for an hour, something like Parkour or even skateboarding. Then from 5:30 to 6:30 I could go to a library or my study and work on an original contribution to the humanities--an essay, literature, or philosophical writing. Maybe this could be profitable financially, maybe not, but that wouldn't be the point. I'd do it every day (Mon-Sat, let's say), so I'd end up putting in a fair amount of time by the end of the week, but I'd divide it into managable time chunks. Having that in my life perpetually would be deeply fulfilling and would provide a refreshing counterpoint to my professional life. At 6:30 I could start dinner, and then for the rest of the day it would be eating, relaxing, chatting, listening to music, reading, cleaning, and... Anyway, that was a vision I had that appealed to me.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 11-0
Streak: 11

Summary: I think I have surpassed my all time high streak. Things were easier today than yesterday, by far. I didn't fight myself, I conserved energy, and I even enjoyed some of my tasks. All the normal stuff + finishing lesson 4 in French, reading 15 minutes of Philly mag, huge step forward on project x, and after this I'm going to read and possibly clean a bit. I'm proud of myself for limiting my delicious cupcake intake to one per day, even though there's a clutch of them sitting on the kitchen island looking at me with seductive eyes everything I walk by.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 10-0
Streak: 10

Summary: I burned some energy today stressing, which is never good, but ultimately I prevailed. It was a close one, mainly because circumstances kept arising that were obstructing or complicating my plans. I was basically in a 4th and long situation at one point, and I connected on a 50 yard pass to my better half, who made a leaping catch, stumbled, almost fell, regained his balance, juked past the defender, and ran with the ball straight into the endzone! (It's Eagles season, and while I think spectator sports have, in some ways, evolved into a grotesque form, I still love watching the Eagles and sometimes I even draw inspiration from it). I exhibited enough patience and flexibility to triumph, and now I'm ready to sleep and tackle my projects again tomorrow.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 9-0
Streak: 9

Summary: I think my all time high streak was around 14, or maybe it was 10, but anyway, I'm getting up there. Today I started healthy, worked with two hours and 15 minutes overtime to save up strategic flex-time for Friday to use on project x, worked on project x for 45 minutes, finished the grammer in lesson 4 of French and started doing the exercises, read Philly mag for 15 minutes, did some laundry, some bills, administrative stuff, right now I'm listening to a new cd with Gershwin and Ravel on it, and in a bit I'll help clean up from dinner and read.
One thing that was awesome today was that I rebounded from a potentially catastrophic state of mind. Because of the ridiculously warm weather today, I started freaking out about global warming, then I thought about N. Korea and nukes, then I basically imagined armageddon and the scenes from the opening of Terminator 2. What made it worse was that I was taping fucking boxes when I wanted to be building a shelter and hoarding great books. But then I managed to control my anxiety attack, and while I don't think that the problems I was considering are insignificant, but if there's anything that can be done, it won't get done in that state of mind. I managed to become rational again.
Here's a hugely successful strategy that I've probably already talked about but had the occasion to revisit today: at least for me, sometimes I do things because I'm more comfortable with a certain way, or because doing things that certain way way appeals to me aesthetically. Here's an example: I've arranged my schedule so that each day I have about an hour and half in the middle of the day to work on my projects, plus an hour to an hour and a half at the library after work. I like this schedule because it works. Then today I realized that another Friday completely off would be very strategic for me, but that if I continued at my current rate, I wouldn't work the hours for that (since I was following my normal schedule). I decided to be flexible and change my schedule just for this week because the objective result would be better--I'm allowing myself a minimal amount of project time prior to Friday so that I can work overtime and get off that day which allows me more project-completing power than I could have had in individual time chunks. There's intertia that I have against adjustments like that, but it's essentially emotional and/or aesthetic. Sometimes I feel like I want one system/schedule to comprehend every situation and then work as hard as I can to stick with that schedule. But it's important to keep thinking and focusing on the result and what will get the best result given the particular circumstances and project. I guess this is just basically being flexible, but to me it's super important yet very difficult to incorporate.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 8-0
Streak: 8

Summary: Quick one, because I want to read: good wake up, healthy breakfast, biked, worked, worked on project x, worked on 2nd draft restructuring, biked, made dinner, cleaned, took care of paper work, now I'm going to perform my nightly toilette, read, and go to bed.

Outcome: "Win"
Record: 7-0
Streak: 7

Summary: A win, like the Eagles. I'm glad finally to make it 7 straight days for the first time this year. Sunday's are for relaxing, but I also need to observe my principles of ethics, which has tripped me up before. Today I stayed strong: I woke up leisurely, cooked a nice breakfast for Eva and I, and then I went for a bike ride in the park. This is when things got crazy. I got a flat in basically the deepest part of the park, and I didn't have the gear to fix it. It was 3:30 at the time, and the Eagles were kicking off around 4:15. I basically dropped the bike and sprinted, Lito Sheppard style, about 5 miles back to downtown so I could watch the game. During the game I ate moderately, and afterward I was focused on the tasks I needed to accomplish in order to go to bed: I retrieved my bike, fixed the tire, cooked lunch for next week, cleaned up a bit, performed my dental hygiene, and now I'm writing this.
Summary for the Week: I worked a full week, made a budget for Eva and I by which we'll have a comfortable amount of saved ducats by the time of our Philly move, invested a ton of time into project x, wrote some, cleared my head and focused my goals, read about 50 pages in Hebrew Thought Compared With Greek, got half way through section 4 of my French program, performed all of my domestic tasks faithfully and with the proper respect, ate healthfully, was moderate in general, exhibited good hygiene, and rested myself well this weekend.
I should say that I'm nearly done with my weight loss goal. At the height of my fattness, I think I was around 210. Right now I'm 180 or 181. My original goal was to get to 180, but now I realize that it's not so much about a number but about getting a body form that looks healthy to me. I still need to loose some weight (I mean shit, I'm not that tall). I keep losing pounds every week, so I'll get there soon.
Things I need to work on: I still need to improve my control over my mental state and my impulses. I feel like the worst level is just being controlled by emotions and impulses. The middle level, where I am right now, is where your emotions and impulses are out of control, but you force yourself to obey your better judgment. I feel like the best situation, like Aristotle says, is to have a calm mind that is habituated to love virtuous things and be in harmony with your good judgment. That way you're not battling with yourself, and you can spend that energy kicking ass.
I need to work on maintaining a more clear conception of what I'm doing and what I'm striving towards. I've been pretty good on this, but I could do better.
In general, I'm happy with what I did this past week. I wasn't even trying to inflate my scores or bend my standards because I wanted a 7-0--I really fought hard this week to do things the right way, and it worked out.
Actually, I think I could read more-- that was deficient this week. Still, I've got less than 100 pages left on my book.
Next week I want to make significant progress on project x, if not complete it. I want to maintain a good mindset; I want to maximize my work time, and thoroughly turn off and enjoy my leisure time. I want to read more. I'd like to finish my restructuring for my second draft of the novel. I'd also like to break 180 pounds, get down into the 170s.

Result: Win
Record: 6-0
Streak: 6

Summary: Within the system that I'm currently using for myself, Saturday's are a day to accomplish domestic tasks during the first half and to read and relax during the second half. So far, and unless something crazy happens,mission accomplished. Eva and I planned the week's meals, went grocery shopping, I did dishes, cleaned, straightened up, and since about 4 I've been reading. I'll continue reading until Eva gets home.
I fuckin love reading. I can't even put it into words. No doubt that ducats have tremendous liberating value, as Derek points out. If I had enough ducats that I didn't have to work, my daily activity, aside from domestic things, would be reading and thinking. My task, from now until I die, would be to find truth. That might mean math, or physics, or cognative science, or linguistics, or literature, or whatever, but I would read and think all day, just for it's own sake. I guess I'd also seek out and admire beauty for its own sake as well. Damn--fine wine and Debussy, then inspiration from Emerson, and then contemplating the core of formal systems with Godel, picking up the latest physics journals, and then falling asleep reading some great literature. I can only imagine. Right now, back to Hebrew Thought Compared With Greek.

Outcome: Win
Record: 5-0
Streak: 5

Summary: Today was a big win. Like I said, I already put in most of my week's hours prior to today, so I basically didn't have work. Instead I advanced my projects. I put in a huge amount of time working on project x. For my novel, I did write some, but I spent more time looking into possible grants and publishing avenues. I also spent time organizing my personal stuff, including credit card, budget, and looking into getting a new printer. I was frugal by eating at home all day and utilizing leftovers. That saved 10$ right there.
Throughout my day I experienced a full cycle of emotions--excitment, nervousness, optimism, despair, intimidation, and confidence to name a few. What pleased me was that while I was experiencing the good emotions I still paced myself to avoid burning out, and while I was experiencing the bad emotions I reflected on philosophical principles to get me though it as well as making my will like iron, basically just doing it and saying fuck-me, I don't care about my bad feelings right now.
Today served to collect my thoughts and focus my goals. It was a good "overall picture" day. I'm coming out feeling good, when I know that last year this same day would have ended in me feeling like a piece of shit and buying cokes and gummy worms at the corner store.

Result: Win
Record: 4-0
Streak: 4

Summary: Woke up well, biked, put in an honest effort at work, read Philly mag for 15 minutes, went through the chapter 4 French dialogue once with the audio, broke ground on a new project that shall remain unnamed and undescribed until it is completed (spent 3 hours total on that), biked home, cleaned, made dinner, and now I'm going to read and go to bed.
I have come to believe that if a person is happy and lives an ethical life, that counts for a lot. That counts for almost everything. Our webring of blogs here seems to encourage improvement and ambition, which are good and exciting, but they're garbage if lacking either ethics or happiness. Well, the happiness thing is more complex, I believe. That depends on how you're looking at the question. I'll save that for another time. But mainly I'm trying to say that looking at a person who is happy and ethical is looking at a person who is doing all right.

Result: Win
Record: 3-0
Streak: 3
Summary: I'm storing up a bank of time this week at work. Even if I don't work overtime tomorrow, I'll still be leaving at 9:30 on Friday. That basically leaves me with a whole day to accomplish stuff. SO in a way, my wins are contingent on how I spend the extra time. I'm confident though, and I'm not going to withhold giving myself the win because of that. Other than working a ton, I had a good wake up, healthy food, exercise, read Philadelphia magazine for 15 minutes, finished studying the dialogue in section 4 of the French, worked on my budget, and now I'm going to help with dinner, clean, and possibly read.

Outcome: Win
Record: 2-0
Streak: 2

Day in Review: First of all, hell yeah Dan for getting back in, and hell yeah Eagles for getting theit shit together and playing like they should be playing. I had a crisp start to my day, even though I went to bed late because of the game, I worked my full day at worked, biked, wrote one letter and one e-mail, worked through the beginning of lesson 4 in my Advanced French course, read Philadelphia magazine for 15 minutes, backed up data in preparation for a full factory restore on my computer, took out the trash, cleaned, and logged an hour and a half overtime at work, which taken together with yesterday's hour and a half, means I basically get half a day off to accomplish shit on Friday.

I'm going to adopt a slightly different scheme. First, I'm going to do daily, weekly, monthly, and perhaps yearly summaries; second, I'm going to do something analogous to a win-loss statistic--each day I excel and live virtuously at the level of, say, a 4 or a 5 under the old system, I'll give myself a "win", if not I get a "loss"; finally, I'm going to keep streak counts, similar to the "day count", which just keeps track of how many solid days, or "wins", I've had in a row.

Today: Win
Daily Summary: I was able to be flexible enough to take care of some unusual stuff and still to be able to finish what I had to take care of. I worked an hour and a half overtime at work, so that's an hour and a half I'll use for writing or pursuing other things. I ate healthfully today, biked to and from work, and when I get home I'm going to cook dinner for the house. After dinner it's Eagles o'clock.
Record: 1-0
Streak: 1
(I just barely didn't achieve a "4" yesterday. I don't have time to get into it--it was kind of shameful, nothing major. I was tempted to count it as a day lived well, but I didn't want to because I want to maintain high standards for myself).

Day 6

I like the look of that 6. I've been killing it so far this weekend. Obviously, that 6 is contingent on me not fucking up for the rest of the day. But so far I have been mainly writing, but aside from that I maintained a pleasant comportment and healthy eating. I'd say since yesterday afternoon I've logged about 15 hours of writing time. Yeah, that means I was up until 6 this morning and then got up around 11 to continue. I'm feeling good, and later I'm planning to get my grocery shopping done, clean up, and get everything set so I can be super chill tomorrow.

Day 5

Big last minute crunch on the essay. I'm happy with the way it's turning out. I'd be really psyched if I turn out an awesome essay and I don't fall apart this weekend like I did in previous weekends.

Day 4

Day 3

Today and yesterday were great. I finished a 98% polished draft of my essay. Things are just falling into place.

Day 1

Back to working. I did well today. Nothing unusual. Writing, put in my time at work, cooked dinner. I'm going to write again for an hour later tonight.

YO YO YO,
so I see Dan isn't posting these days--what's up with that? I kind of fucked up this weekend, although there were some triumphs mixed in. I triumphed in being able to remind myself of my priorities in my personal life and doing a good job attending to them. I fucked up by slacking on my health/domestic stuff. I ate a bunch of garbage starting last night and into today. I wanted to clean, but I haven't yet. I wanted to write, but I probably won't until tomorrow. Partially this is understandable. With Eva's cousin coming, and the holiday, my schedule was thrown off this week. Also, my triumph cost a huge amount of psychic energy, which drained me and hampered my ability to follow through on the smaller stuff. I did get a lot of reading done. Read some Emerson, which is so good I'm considering requiring myself to read it everyday again as I did last year for a time, and I also read Hebrew Thought Compared With Greek, an academic book that Eva's uncle sent me. It's good, but it's slow going and difficult for me to form an opinion on regarding its truth.
Heading into next week, here's my plan: there is some what and some how that needs refocusing. The what is my scheduling and executing, which has been pretty good lately. I have a wierd schedule at work right now that gives me an hour and a half off in the middle of the day, and I've been using that as flexible utility time. Sometimes I write, sometimes I take care of administrative stuff. It's good because I can't be interrupted there, and I can't leave, and both of these things help. I need to do better being conscious of my goals and my progress on them and assigning time accordingly. For example, the essay deadline is coming up, so I need to push that to the top of the list of priorities. I wanted to create something that would organize my bill payments and chores into an easy reference list, but this can wait until after the essay is completed. Basically, I need to have a constant awareness of what my projects are, what state they are in, what I need to do to advance them, and then assign time to work on them using all the tricks that I've been learning. Going to the library for a few hours before coming home has been huge. I'll continue that as well.
Once I get home, I'm finding that it doesn't work as well to rigidly divide my time. Eva doesn't go for it, and when the tasks require two people, it doesn't seem right to ask the other person to work on your rigid schedule. I need to treat home time as a more relaxed flex time. I need to cook, and clean, and schedule, and pay bills, and recharge. I need to juggle a bunch of stuff. The balance, and this is key, is , on the one hand, to avoid being overwhelmed and feeling like I'm working the whole time when I get home, resulting in burnout, and on the other hand, to get so relaxed and casual that I don't get anything done. I just see this as something that will have to be practiced and finessed. But it will be a huge help that in other portions of my day, I will have set myself up gloriously. By this I mean that I will have gotten enough sleep the night before, eaten two healthy, energy rich meals already, finished with annyoing necessary work, written for at least an hour and a half, and perhaps done some administrative work. So basically, once I get home, there's nothing to stress about too much, because I've already done a lot.
The "how" I talked about is like this: two things, one is that I did better, but not as well as I could have about not wasting energy on anxiety. It's just as simple as being rational about my situation, eating well, sleeping, exercising, etc. I just have to breathe, drink water, and not waste energy on anxiety. The second thing is being in my working mode less. Eva mistakes my working mode for me hating her. WHen I'm in working mode I'm serious, not joking around, not affectionate, just focused and trying to do stuff. I can't be this way around her. This is partially what's behind all the before/after coming home talk from above. I'll be in working mode before coming home, and in relaxed mode once I get home.
Another big key issue: the weekend. My momentum has gotten wrecked every single weekend so far this weekend. It's true that every single weekend, literally, there has been some huge personal thing that has happened that has taken a lot of my energy. But still, I fuck up. I have ideas about how to handle this, but I think I'm done writing for now.

Day 5

Roshashana today (I'm sure I spelled that wrong). I'll probably take tomorrow off instead of Sunday in honor of the holiday. I think I'll also be going to temple with Eva.
The writing is going well. I only have a week and half left before the deadline, but that will be plenty of time.

Day 4

Breathe deeply and drink lots of water.

Day 3

Yesterday was another day lived well, but I didn't have time to post. Eva's cousin came to visit from Israel, and we picked her up and went out to eat. I still managed to write for 1 hour and 45 minutes yesterday, despite all the excitement. Plus I didn't even feel stressed about it. Today will be another day lived well provided I write from 4-6 and just observe my basic principles throughout the rest of the day.
The importance of good diet, exercise, and sleep continue to rise in my estimation of important things. They are so key, I can't emphasize it enough. I'm starting to be able to feel the effects of individual meals. For example, I eat pretty much the same things on Mon-Fri, but this week I changed something. Before this week, I ate a hoagie for lunch. It consisted of an Amoroso roll, the necessary cheeses, LTO, light mayo, oil, salt, oregano, and sweet pepper. Although it was delicious, it's barely provided any useful calories. Starting this week I switched to falafel sandwiches. I'm making them with whole wheat pitas, falafel, a bit of feta, and a mixed vegetable salad consisting of cucumbers, tomatoes, scallions, bell peppers, and capers. This lunch actually provides me with energy, in addition to the fact that it's delicious. Since making my change, I can tangibly feel the difference in my ability to live virtuously.
I've also been resisting the pastries and calorie-bomb drinks at work. Instead I have one simple cup of coffee or cappucino in the morning, and then I drink tons of water for the rest of the day. I can feel the benefits from that as well.
I've been sleeping a minumum of 8 hours a night, if not 8 1/2 to 9. This has also been huge. I work out at work by lifting heavy stuff for 8 hours, plus I ride my bike everywhere. In general I feel energized, and when I sit down to work on something, I encounter less mental resistance. This stuff is so key.

Day 1

Hell yeah on the Philly trip Dan;
I fell off on the weekend. I fucked up. I just got a bunch of candy and screwed around on the internet. I need to eat healthy and do things that are actually worthwhile, like reading. Today I rebounded nicely though. Rode my bike to and from work, worked hard at work, wrote a letter, paid some bills, took care of paperwork, put in an hour and a half on my essay before coming home, made dinner, listened to this cd with Ravel's Sheherazade, Le Tombeau de Couperin, and Pavane Pour Une Infante Defunte, plus some Debussy tracks that I'd already heard on the second half, ate a lovely dinner with Eva, cleaned the shit out of the kitchen, cleaned the bathroom a little, attended to some minor administrative tasks, and now I'm going to read until bed time.
Yo, the Eagle's lost was gut wrenching, but I think there's more good than bad in that loss. Granted, they shot themselves in the foot, which is inexcusable, but other than the statistically unlikely number of errors that they committed at the end, they outplayed the Giants by a longshot. They were dominant on 1st string vs 1st string in the preseason, they dominated the Texans, and they dominated the Giants. I don't take all losses as equal. If they can beat the Giants, I think they can beat Dallas and Washington. Sucks about Kearse though, he was one of my favorites. I just hope they don't lose it psychologically. As a side note, I committed myself to just watching the game, quickly checking scores, and checking injury news. Anything else is forbidden. ESPN power rankings, analysis, and shit like that are like crack. It's good for nothing except wasting your life. No matter how many predictions people make, or how the Eagles are ranked, they are going to win or lose on Sunday based on their own skills, independent of the analysts.

Day 4

Planning is good--scheduling, assigning goals, etc. are all valuable practices. However, once a plan is conceived, it seems wise to put on the blinders, so to speak, to everything past, future, and tangential in the present. Don't allow these things to enter your mind. Allow your anxiety to be placated by the rational fact that the time for everything WILL come, and you will meet that moment as well prepared as you can be, so you can allow time to move at its own rate (which it will do whether you "allow" it to or not). If you suddenly remember something, or have an inspiration for something outside of your immediate task, jot it down, but soon return to the present. Stressing about time passing also falls into the category that I'm talking about. This mainly happens at work. Don't check the clock, don't worry about stuff, just relax and do what's in front of you. I think this is a good policy in general, primarily because it conserves energy and directs it usefully.
Hmm..I'm not satisfied with my attempt to articulate my thought. Oh well, I'm only willing to spend a very limited amount of time blogging now.

Day 3

It's awesome--during these last three days my volition has been as powerful as it was during my first week back in Annapolis, but it's like everything gained a new dimension. I was working in 2D before, and now I'm working in 3D. I'm kicking ass on projects, getting more shit done than ever before, PLUS, I'm spending a lot of time with Eva, eating healthy, homecooked meals, sleeping a lot, and getting sufficient breaks and rest time. This is on a new level than before.

Day 2

Doing well, writing as much as I could be. When I'm not working I've been relaxing and enjoying life, and when I am working I'm steamrolling projects like an 18 wheeler with a drunk driver driving.

Day 1

Writing. Eagles looked nice.

2 weeks ago I committed to living in accordance with a comprehensive system devised to manage my time as efficiently as possibly, systematizing all of my activities and distributing them down to the minute. The great thing was that it worked. For a week straight I was working like a demon, and more importantly, I felt like it was completely sustainable. However, despite its success in one sense, I concluded last weekend that it was not a system in accordance with good principles of living, in a general sense. Without getting into it too much, I felt like I was not properly honoring the non-work things in my life. In order to live well I believe that I must have a full and healthy private life, and only after that should I think about work. What does this mean for the blog? I've always thought that blogs were attempting to make public something that I don't necessarily want to make public, so I'm going to start making distinctions about what I'm going to write about and what I'm going to leave out. Essentially, the only things that I want to write about from now on will be relating to work, and by work I mean the things that I believe I'm meaningfully contributing to the world. This means writing. From now on you'll get updates about how the writing is going. The rest is for myself.

Day 7

I felt my energy waning, but I perservered. Good wake up, was able to handle the work at my job calmly and with a relaxed, clear mind, went to the MVA, changed my registration, license, and voting info to reflect the move, went to the parking authority and purchased my parking sticker, finished up at work, made a healthy dinner utilizing leftover in the fridge that were on the verge of going bad, studied French for 1/2 an hour, worked on Fed10 for 1/2 an hour, worked on Upright for 1/2 an hour, worked on my essay for 1/2 an hour, good getting ready for bed (dental hygiene, scheduling tomorrow, and writing the blog), and maybe I'll read Crime and Punishment for a few minutes before going to bed. Keep reading Plato and all the great books Dan!

Day 6

Remember, my "days" are a count of consecutive days living in a way that I think is excellent. Good wake-up this morning, worked at about %92 at work, browsed Le Monde for 20 minutes, sorted out my address change with a whole host of companies to whom that information is relevant, picked up a recycling bin from the city, worked on my novel for an hour (current title is Upright In The Field of Tyranny), cooked a lovely dinner, studied php and fumbled around with ssh for 1/2 an hour, studied my French, worked on my essay for 1/2 an hour, and now I'm getting ready for bed. I might get in 15 minutes of Crime and Punishment.
Two major issues were brought to my attention today. One is stress. Stressing out, or becoming anxious, is usually useless and a big waste of energy. I need to practice my Marcus Aurelius shit. Seriously. If I can just focus on what I have influence over and be stoic about everything else, then I'd have a lot more energy and thus a lot more influence. I don't want to get into this too much because I want to read. The second issue is giving each task enough time. I can allot 1 and a 1/2 hours for dinner, but I've found that to actually make something nice, plus a salad and maybe some bread, eat and have a real conversation, and clean takes at least 2 hours. Maybe I could do it in 1 and a 1/2, but I'd be rushing, and rushing usually makes me anxious, which drains energy, etc. etc. Basically, I need to experiment with tasks and determine the time that they require for completion comfortably. If I work at a reasonable pace I'll be the champion, because I'll be consistent, every day will be an excellent day, and even though I won't get as much done in one single day than I would if I were sprinting and trying to have the world all at once, I will have accomplished more at the end of the week by consistency than the alternative would after having burnt out after a day or two. I like my new approach and the outcome so far. Each day so far has been a 4 or a 5 in the old system. Yeah, if it's a "day", it's a 4 or a 5.

Day 5

Yeah, Dostoevsky is the shit. That's why I committed myself to reading all of his works. I have another 100 pages left in C&C, and then after that the only major work left of his that I haven't read yet is The Idiot. Everything else is either medium length or short story. Brother's K is incredible. Demons might edge out Brothers K for me as a personal pick, but if I had to put one of his works on the great books list, it would definitely be Brothers K. On my day.
Got up, didn't waste any time like yesterday, ate a full and nutritious breakfast, rocked work's face off, partially set up the utilities, figured out recycling for the house, wrote for an hour and a half meeting my deadline for today, read Dostoevsky for 1/2 an hour, did some grocery shopping, ate a nutritious and pleasurable dinner with the Temple radio station streaming live jazz into our kitchen from the computer, I did some stuff to help me become more effective with Fed10, I'm about to do a 1/2 hour of French, and then I'm going to go to bed on time to get my full 8 hours of sleep.

Day 4

Busy day, and hopefully the last one where I'm operating at an unsustainable output of energy. Got up, performed toilette a bit slower than necessary, ate a healthy breakfast, rocked a hard day at work, worked on my essay, filled up gas on the car, cleared up some paperwork with the landlord, did something else that I'm blanking on right now, cleaned up, made a healthy dinner, read Crime and Punishment for about 1/2 an hour, made lunch for tomorrow, and now I'm getting ready to go to bed. Tomorrow will be a more healthy day, in terms of output vs. rest, and I plan on working on the program for 1/2 an hour.

Day 3

Still going strong. I got up promptly, performed my morning toilette, ate a nutritious breakfast, got half-way set up at work, kicked ass there (work is now an intense exercise from start to finish, so I exercised in the middle of all this), came back for a nutritious lunch, did some shit with my bank account, finished up at work, went on a big grocery trip, made a nutritious dinner, bought some necessities from the corner store, did the dishes, made lunch for tomorrow, did some laundry, unpacked a little more, made a list of the stuff I still need to do, performed my nightly toilette, shot a quick e-mail to the project guys, and after writing this I'll do a bit of French and go to bed. I'm tired, and I know I'm not resting enough, but right now is crunch time and once I get past this I'll be back on a normal, healthy schedule. I'm planning to take off two days this weekend, one of those being the holiday on Monday. I should definitely finish Dostoevsky by then.
I'm entering a writing contest, and to give myself time for that I'm splitting my writing time. My looming deadlines are as follows: by Wednesday night I want to have finished brainstorming on my essay, and by September 7th I'm going to be finished restructuring my novel and ready to work on draft 2. I also want to finish this moving in shit as fast as humanly possible, without giving myself a heart attack.

Day 2

Still going strong. Today I woke up, performed my "toilette", as I think Ben Franklin refers to it, with haste, ate a healthy breakfast, packed up the rest of my stuff, drove to Maryland, while I was driving I contemplated a question in my writing project, I got to Annapolis, unloaded my stuff, went back out to Trader Joes to get some necessary house crap, drove to Target to get our house furnishings, returned, cleaned the house a bit, set up some shit, ate a healthy dinner, cleaned some more, read Dostoevsky for about 10 minutes, and now I'm getting ready to go to bed. No programming today, and maybe not tomorrow either given my current schedule. Soon though, I'll be back in at my full strength.

Day 1

It's day 1 because I think I've found that system I was telling Dan about. I've even added a psychological trick to get me to be even more efficient. Why do I think things will be different now? Because every task I did today, including writing, I did with zeal and without shrinking from the challenge. No sloppy transitions, no half-assed attempts, no day dreaming or anything. I was like Brian Dawkins getting in my work's face today. For now I'm not going to use quantitative scoring, just qualitative updates and the day count.
Sorry about not responding on the programming stuff. This week has been hectic, and if I ever have spare time, I use it for writing, as I said I would. Starting next week things should be more stable and I can get back to working on the program.
Today I ate three healthy meals, exercised good dental hygiene, practiced French for 1/2 hour, researched Parkour for 1/2 hour, exercised for 1/2 hour, wrote for an hour, helped my mom take shit to my sister's dorm room, read Crime and Punishment (my relaxation time) for about an hour and twenty minutes, and packed up stuff for my new apartment for an hour.

Like I said a while ago--if I wait too long, I restart my count at zero. Dan, I glanced at your system. It's too late for me to read it in detail, but I'll let you know what I think soon. I have a lot going on right now.
Today's score: 1
Total score: 1

I'm aiming to only go up or stay the same, at the worst. Sliding back is terrible--it basically negates time that I can never get back in my life. Today I drove Eva to Annapolis, helped her move in, went apartment hunting, possibly set up short term housing for myself, wrote a letter, drove back to Media (I'll be here until Sunday night probably), I did French, and I'll probably do a workout before going to bed.

I'm going to add some sentamental snapshots to supplement my top ten list. These are lovely images that just come to mind when I'm away from home and I think of Philly:

* Walking up the BF Parkway on a crisp fall morning by myself, thinking, heading toward the Art Museum, seeing the flags waving, the leaves changing color, Logan circle, and the circle in front of the museum.

* Sitting in my living room on a hot summer night watching the Phillies, with the sound of a night-time thundershower outside, eating a Rita's water ice with the windows open, a fan blowing on me.

* Walking up to a lady at a cash register and hearing that Philly accent, the nasaly sounds, "wooter", "O"s turning into "OW", and the wierd "ea" dipthong that people make

* Crowded bar during Eagles season, a sea of green, and the place going nuts on a touchdown, people hugging each other after wining a huge game.

* Sitting on a bench waiting for SEPTA, seeing an old white guy and and old black guy accross the street playing chess on a table, and admiring a huge mural of a civil rights figure painted on the side of a building.

* Rittenhouse square on a cold, clear winter night before Christmas time with all the lights.

* The drive on 76 east from NW to downtown--first you go through Fairmount park, then you hit boathouse row with the lights and river in front of it, the back of the art museum, and by then you see the Cira center followed by the rest of the skyline.

* A tiny, crowded neighborhood deli, walking up to the counter, ordering quickly in code words, "provolone, wit" or, " mixed cheese, everything, sweet, mayo, oil, vinager", and some fat scruffy Italian guy nodding his head, scribbling something, ripping the order off of his pad, taping it up, yelling something to the back, and saying, "Next! Yeah, what can I get you? "

I'm in a strange but good mood right now. Actually, I've felt this way from the time I woke up. I feel like I've become immortal, all the world's problems have been solved, I've achieved what I wanted to achieve, and the public has been dispersed into a multitude of private worlds constructed from objects of comfort and sentamentality. I've begun my own eternal, post-struggle life, retiring into a dreamlike paradise. I almost feel like I'm on drugs. So what did I do? I peeled out of my house, picked up a totally quality hoagie from Hoagie Planet, and got a philly soft-pretzel for 50 cents. I wolfed down my glorious hoagie, savored the preztel, and now I'm sipping on Wawa peach iced tea and getting ready for some Tastykake triple chocolate cakes--chocolate frosting, cake, and cream. I was just now jumping up and down in delight over how much I love Philadelphia. Inspired by my state of mind, and my overflowing love for this area, I'm going to rock a top 10 list. Everyone else reading this blog, if you live or have been to the area, rock your own top 10 list in the comments section.
My Top Ten Favorite Things About Philadelphia
10. Location: this one is somewhat lame because it's only about Philly indirectly, but it's an asset nevertheless, so I'll put it at #10. In an hour and half to two hours you could get to the mountains, the ocean, Baltimore, Washington, the Chesapeake, or NY. Boston is also a reasonable distance away. Philly's right in the middle of everything on the East Coast.
9. Ethnic diversity: like some of the other items in the high numbers of my list, it's something I love about Philly, but it's not unique to Philly. Not to mention a city like San Francisco kicks our ass in this category. However, you can still find a great representative from any cuisine anywhere in the world somewhere in Philadelphia, and I love that. You see people of all different types here, and that definitely enriches the place. People forget this is still the 5th largest city in the nation, and third largest metro area, so we've got all sorts of diversity and human resources. I believe a while ago we had 3rd highest asian population in the states? That was a while ago, and maybe it's changed. Like other cities, we have racial tension, but I'd say it's not nearly as bad as somewhere like LA.
8. Universities: Philly has great universities, but it's not really unique among cities, so I'm placing it high on the list. Still, time as a student at Penn might be in my future, which would be awesome. I should add here that the area does have a uniquely strong intellectual culture. There was some thing I saw a while ago, a search tool on Google, where you can see a breakdown of different places from which people search for various things. I typed in several authors from the Great Books and Philly came up in the number 1, 2, or 3 spot many times, over NY, LA, and Chicago--impressive considering the tool used absolute number of searches.
7. Art: if I was more of an art nut this would be higher up, but I still appreciate it immensely. The main art museum has the third largest collection in the country, and when you add the Rodin, largest collection of his works outside of Paris, and the Barnes, largest private collection in the states, it's kind of incredible. PLUS, and this is a huge plus in my opinion, the mural program here has been the envy of the whole country, and its result has been the replacement of stupid graffiti by gorgeous, building sized murals EVERYWHERE. I believe we have more murals than any other city in America. They also contribute to my number 1 favorite thing about the city.
6. The Sports: ok, so they haven't won a championship in a while, which sucks, but I think a year or two ago ESPN ranked Philly as the city with the second best sports teams overall in terms of wins, quality of stadiums, number of teams, etc., second only to Boston. The fans are so passionate, although I wish they would be less negative and borish, but it's still a rush when we do well and everyone goes nuts. I was in Center City the day after the Sixers won game 1 of the 2001 finals and everyone was in the best mood I'd ever seen. My SEPTA rides on the 101 and El were free, people were honking, waving flags, everyone had the jerseys on--even stupid racial shit seemed to disappear for the day. It's just such an experience, especially the Eagles. It also seems that this is Northest/upper Midwest thing. They don't give half as much of a shit about sports out west.
5. Fairmount park, and the general greenery of the area: Penn laid out the city as the Greene Country Town, and it still blows my mind going to other cities and seeing the disparity between Philly and other places. Fairmount, I believe, is the largest city park in America,10x the size of Central Park. It has mountain biking, kayaking, swimming, hiking, etc, plus cultural stuff like the Mann music center, the Japanese Tea House, and several panoramic plateaus. The park creeps down into Center City and connects up with the Schuykill River trail and the Art Museum. The suburbs here are lush, and three out of four of Penn's original Center City parks are alive and well, and serve as great places to read, eat lunch, take a nap, or whatever.
4. History: perhaps Boston is the only other city that can compete here. I love that everything I walk past is hundreds of years old and served some historical purpose. I love that the country began here, and that we have the Independence National Historical Park. Plus there's Ben Franklin, whom I'll always consider the greatest American of all time, or at least the one that did the most in terms of shaping the concept of what it means to be American.
3. Food. This is Philly unique. In that book 1000 Things to Do Before You Die, there's one thing for Philly that is just the food. She says it rules in both the high end and low end categories. I don't have enough money yet to know about the high end stuff, although we've got the names to make that seem plausible to me, but on the low end I couldn't agree more. Hoagies, cheesesteaks (GG Special), Tastykakes, regional style iced tea, olde Philly sodas, soft pretzles, pizza--it's all amazing. I miss this so much when I'm living elsewhere, even somewhere as close as Maryland, where you think they'd have comparable stuff, but they don't, at all. No where does. It's wierd to me, but this stuff only seems to be this good here. Maybe it's the Schuykill water.
2. Realness factor: this is both a negative and a positive in my view, but right now I'm thinking about the positive side of it. When I was living in the Southwest and West, people were super mellow and nice in their public interactions. It was almost as if people were having a competition to see who could be the most chill and cool. However, I started to find incedences of major behind the scenes shit talking and underhanded shit aggrevated seemingly by a lack of public outlet. In other words, it wasn't ok to confront someone if you had a problem with them; instead, maybe you would talk a bunch of shit about them, but then when you saw them, you would have to act super nice to them like everyone else. So all this time that person thinks you're cool with them when you're actually not. 90+% of the people I went to college with were from the western region of the states, and I saw this all the time. Sometimes I would be shunned for being too open about shit. Philly, and other northeastern places are the opposite of this. I once saw a cartoon that kind of embodies what I'm trying to say. There were two frames with pretty similar drawings--two guys passing each other on the street. One frame was titled Los Angeles and the other was titled New York. In the LA one, the guys was saying "Hello" but the thought bubble above his head said, "Fuck you"; in the NY one, the two were reversed. People are open and will confront you. Even some roughness is actually not that big of a deal and it can be refreshing in a way. I'll go further though--in the attitude category, Philly is even realer than NY. It's as San Francisco is to LA in my opinion--both in the same genre, but SF is realer than LA. Everyone who wants to be in the "in" place, just in a place with name recognition, goes to NY. Fuck those people. I'm glad they're not in Philly. People who think that LA and NY are the only two cities in America. They're all parrots, apes basically. It's kind of why I hate Vanity Fair, even though they have some good articles from time to time. If you want to be a star, if you want to strut around and be a primadonna and shit, you're infinitely more likely to live in NY than Philly. So for the other cities, i.e., Boston, Philly, Baltimore--you're left with, in my opinion, a better, more loyal crowd, the type of people I want to live with.
1. Timeless, non-Disneyfied, non-new-American style, classic beauty. You can't find this shit anywhere else in America except maybe elsewhere in the northeast. I'm talking about the forests, the creeks, the seasons, the stones in the park with cold water trickling down them; the wooden foot bridges, the marble fountains, the statues and sculptures; the houses--the brownstones and the townhomes in Rittenhouse, the victorians in South and West Philly, the old manors in NW, and of course the rowhouses in all corners of the city, as well as the buildings, from the humble, stately Independence Hall and the other colonial and federalist buildings of old city, to the epic, yet aristic buildings in Center City like City Hall and the Drake Building, as well as numerous others along Market, Chestnut, and Walnut with the sculpted facades and old European styles. Basically, I'm talking about the overall visual aesthetic. It inspires me--it makes me think of the writing of Emerson and the music of Ravel and Debussy.

Yesterday's Score: -1
Total Score: 6

Hmmm...I worked, studied php for 1/2 hour, studied French for 1/2 hour, read a fair amount of Crime and Punishment, and did a furious workout. So far so good (had this been all, and had I wrote, definitely a 1 or 2 day). However, I didn't write, which I'm very pissed at myself about, and the other thing, which was huge--I basically said fuck it later on in the evening when I should have been writing, and I went out, got some tastykakes and wawa crap and watched the Phillies game. I'm rationalizing this by saying that I know I'm going back to Maryland next week and I'm trying to squeeze in as much Philly fun as I can before I leave. One thing that gives me hope is that I actually let myself say fuck it. Normally when I do that I can't help it, but this time I actually agreed to just have fun. Maybe this means the system I've been using still works...who knows, whatever, I'm talking garbage right now. Today isn't looking totally inspired either, so I'm expecting not a great score later today as well.

Today's Score: 1
Total Score: 7

Here's the deal with the scoring--it's like the 1-5 system, but I make 3=0 and count the bottom two numbers as a regression and the top two numbers as an advancement. I did this because I wanted a sense of overall motion over time. It's imprecise, yes, and I thought about perhaps rating myself in a variety of different categories, like +1 book, +1 French, -1 physical fitness, -1 finances, etc. That will take too much time. This is like 5 minute cheerleading at the end of the day and I want to keep it simple. On with my point...
4 hours working, took a break from intense physical exercise and instead took a refreshing walk in the park, wrote for 1 hour, managed some finances, practiced php for 1/2 hour, French for 1/2 hour, Crime and Punishment here and there, probably 25 minutes total, and watched the Eagles. Good job 1st stringers, terrible job back-ups.

Today's score: 2
Total Score: 6

I have to give myself a 2 because I overcame the biggest urge for Wawa that I've ever had. I was ready to step out the door, get fatter, and blow some cash. I was dreaming of a moist, delicious tastykake with that classic blue and white lettering, Herr's perfectly seasoned chips, and a Wawa iced tea. I overcame the urge and instead I worked on the website. I worked, exercised, had a lovely conversation with Eva, ate well, wrote, did a 1/2 hour of French, 3/4 hours of website stuff, and watched the Phillies dominate the Mets. Good day overall.

Today's Score: 1
Total Score: 4

Total score 4 because last night I shamefully woke up, and while I was still half-asleep, I walked into the kitchen and just started eating chips and tasty kakes and drinking sodas and shit. I don't know why--I wasn't even fully conscious, but I gave myself a -1 anyway.
Today was good. I worked, exercised, and then prepared with a dinner for my dad. I basically wanted to put his mind at ease because he seems to worry so much about me failing at life. The conversation seemed to go well, and I'm happy with our dinner. That lasted all night though (we went to Sahara in Center City), so now I'm getting ready to go to bed. Tomorrow I should get back in on French, writing, and start some programming (I did read some stuff online relating to the project, and I read about 15 pages of Crime and Punishment).

The days after my first two posts were kind of shameful--I didn't do much productive, I ate a lot of crap, and I spent money needlessly, so I'll give myself a -2. But for today, I give myself a 2, so it balances out. Worked, exercised, did my French, read Crime and Punishment, and did a serious 6+ hour block of paperwork/administrative crap. Hopefully that stuff will be done with soon, and then I can bang out a bunch of time on the book.
Today's Score: 2
Total Score: 4

Today's score: 1
Yesterday's score: 1
Total score: 4

Yesterday Dan and I spent the entire day in Center City. We checked out some of the sites in Independence National Historical Park. I also learned some programming and discussed possible projects. Later in the evening, when I got home, I did a French lesson and went to bed. Today I worked for an hour, wrote for an hour and a half, ran some errands, cleaned up my computer, did a lesson in French, and after writing this I'm going to read Crime and Punishment until I go to bed.

Today's score: 1
Total score: 2

I worked strenuously for 8 and a 1/3rd hours outside earning cash and getting a great workout. I took care of a bunch of administrative stuff to get ahead for next week, and I also did a lesson in my French cds.
I tried to work on my stress problem today, with mixed results. I started the day with less rigid planning and tried to keep a mindset to work modestly but steadily, and not to worry about where I was in the overall process. This worked until I started feeling like I was on a roll, and then I felt pressure to work non-stop, all day. I tried to do this and burned out. I need to make myself rest. It's crazy, because even if I plan rest time, I stress during that time and want to be doing something mentally to help with other things during the day. Rest helps productivity; it does not interfere with it or break momentum. I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with my anxiety issue. In general, I've had success shifting my focus from how I'm doing things to what I actually accomplish. So I'm going to study my strategies, and discuss them here, but throughout the day I keep insisting on having something concrete done for the end of the day, and my mind can be as timultuous as possible, because the end result supercedes my mentality and my planning.
I was good with my transitions, but only due to my intensity, which, as I said above, caused me problems later in the day.
Possible ideas to address my problems: In the past I had success clearly defining "on" and "off" time. I would work for an hour, and then have some principle that called for 15 minutes of total off time. The times themselves weren't critical, rather psychologically distinguishing between the on and off time. I didn't feel suffocated during an on time because I knew that a break would be coming up. Right now, sometimes my mind acts as if I'll never get a break, and that I'll need to run forever. This is crazy, obviously, but if I don't preplan breaks and just wing it, trying to just get shit done, my anxiety can start taking over.
Point of clarification: Earlier I wrote that even during breaks I get stressed, but then afterwards I wrote that I had success scheduling breaks during my day. This sounds contradictory, but here's what I mean--yesterday I wrote down a list of things I wanted to do. Some of them came in the form of time spent on a particular thing. So on my list it says "work for 4 hours" "French for 1/2 hour" "create contact list" "exercise for 1/2 hour" "book for 1 hour", etc. I used this approach in order to have flexibility, rather than saying " 1-2: write; 2-2:30: French", for example. With the latter plan, what if Eva called in the middle of 1 to 2? I want to talk, and I think it's totally reasonable that I should be able to talk, but if I do, my whole day's schedule is thrown off and I get stressed out. So I took the general time chunk approach, without specifying when I would do them--more like a to-do list, rather than a schedule. Also, I planned my to-do list to be reasonable, so that I would have some time to rest during the day. What happened was that as the end of the day approached, I noticed all the things I still had to do, and even if I sat down for a minute, taking one of my pre-planned but unspecified breaks, I would freak out, feeling the pressure of my remaining tasks building against me. This is the type of break that I described first which is a break, but is useless in terms of recharging me. The historically successful break that I described above was only ever used in a rigid scheduling system, like the one I mentioned, with 1-2: X; 2-3:30: y, etc. This was easier because it was in college, and I literally could count on not being interrupted for an entire day, so I could schedule all my time in advance. Now the phone rings, the dryer is done, the dogs need to be walked, etc. etc., and all these things make a schedule like that impractical. What's the solution to this? I'm going to think about it, but I'm tired and it's late.
Keys for the next few days: Writing--I cleared up tons of time by working a double today as well as taking care of administrative crap. There isn't any reason why I can't get a lot done on the book. The question is whether I'll be able to. Also, I'm focusing on results. The means is important, but ultimately it's what I do that matters. Whether I make a rigid schedule tomorrow, or if I improvise and go with an intiutive, moment-by-moment approach, I need to power through the day, even if I start to get sloppy, in order to do something that can result in a point.

I'm ready to give this another try. I'm going to return to the basic five point rating system; however, instead of 1 through 5, I'm going to use zero as my median value. So the lower two points will designate two degrees of decline, the middle value (zero) will mean motion neither up nor down, and the higher two points will designate two degrees of virtue. In addition to a daily score, I'm going to keep a running tally of my points. It will be like a quantitative climb up a mountain of virtue. This way I can record overall progress in addition to momentary movement.
Today's score: 1
Total score: 1
I earned money by working in my neighbor's yard this morning, I worked out for half an hour (in addition to the exercise I got working), I ate three regular meals that were at least somewhat healthy, I had a lovely conversation with Eva, I worked on my book for an hour, I compiled a list of people that I want to stay in contact with along with their information and a column tracking the most recent correspondence with them--I want to do a better job of keeping up with people, I went grocery shopping for the house, I helped take care of the dogs, I practised good hygiene, I started moving forward on some lingering administrative crap, I did half an hour of French, I'm going to look again at my speed reading book to possibly work it into my schedule, and with any luck I'll get in some reading on Crime and Punishment tonight.
There were two immediately obvious flaws in my performance today, and they are both recurring problems. One is that I started getting panicked about the work I had to do and I was unable to remain calm like a stoic. To solve this I just need to control myself psychologically, and meditate on cultivating good attitudes. The other probablem was that my transitions were sloppy. I probably lost over an hour today by not crisply finishing one task and making a definitive and determined start on the next one. This is a psychological problem as well, but the solution is not strictly psychological. Good scheduling will help this problem, which partially means having a clear idea of what I want to accomplish, what each of those tasks will be like, and how I want them to go down.
Come on Dan, and Kyle if you want, we should jump back on this.

Access to the internet has been sporadic, so my posts will probably be infrequent. Eva and I left for Canada a week and a half ago, and our car seemed to endure the trip without any problems. Right now we`re not even in a town, per se, but if I wrote a letter from here I would mark it as sent from St. Jean-de-la-Lande, Beauce. The nearest settlement of any considerable size is St. Georges, which is actually where I am right now (in the library). On the farm we`ve been planting all sorts of vegetables as well as weeding. The work is simple and repetative, but it`s also relaxing in an unexpected way. The area is beautiful--we`re up in the Canadian Appalachains. Other than working on the farm, I`ve been practicing French, reading and discussing Marcus Aurelius`s Meditations with Eva, and putting in at least a half hour a day on my book. Dan--I think you would enjoy parts of the Meditations, although there are also parts where he writes about a kind of metaphysics that I`m guessing you would think is stupid. It would be an easy book to browse in a bookstore since it`s divided into small sections. One of the best things about being here is that we`re living an extremely healthy lifestyle. We eat at home for all of our meals (no eating out), and 95% of what we make is from home-grown vegetables. Basically we`ve been eating whole wheat bread, salad, rice, water, etc. Ok, it`s time to leave. Salut.

Philly touring part 3: Wash West; Washington Square; University City, including Powelton Village and some other random neighborhood along 40th. Washington West is cool, but looks like a downgrade from Rittenhouse and Fitler. Nice restaurants, all of which would be very accessable from my two preferred neighborhoods. Washington Square is lovely--it's a bit more low-key than Rittenhouse Square. University City seems tragic to me. Way too ghetto, way too much crime. However, cheap, great looking ethnic restaurants galore. It's totally on par with San Francisco. I'll bike over there to eat and hope that my bike doesn't get dismantled while I'm inside. The areas more removed from UC seemed nice, but too suburby, and even though Powelton Village looked great, everything was locked down and had bars on it. Seriously, that shit has to get cleaned up over there.

More Philly adventures yesterday. It's so much fun exploring the city. First we stopped for cappucinos at La Colombe in Rittenhouse Square, and while we were driving down Spruce (or Pine, whichever one goes east) we passed through what Aaron said was the gayborhood, which looked extremely nice. It was around 10th and Pine/Spruce. Next we went to Northern Liberties, via 3rd street north of Market. This is a great neighborhood, and I definitely need to spend more time there. It has great restaurants (several that are focused on vegetarians), and it looks like the people living there are young for the most part. My only problem with it was that there weren't many trees, and it still looks slightly run down, probably from the time when it actually was run down. Next we drove up to Girard Ave, hung a right, and went to the border of Fishtown and Kensington. I've always heard this area was a shit hole, but it's actually nice, at least where we were. It looks like South Philly but with more trees. Lots of sports stuff in windows, lawn ornaments, hoagie shops, etc. The oldest cemetary in the city is in Fishtown, and, according to Aaron, if you live in the neighborhood, you're guaranteed a spot there. Next we were headed to Northeast Philly, Lawndale to be specific. We drove through Frankford and Port Richmond, two somewhat rundown, but still ok sections of the city. First of all, driving in the NE is a nightmare. The streets design is terrible, at least where we were. I was exploring this neighborhood on a specific recommendation. The main strip did have a bunch of ethnic restaurants, but it looked like Geary St in San Francisco, which I think is ugly. It also kind of looked like Clifton Heights. I didn't like the houses, and overall, I crossed that neighborhood off the list of possibilities. We went back to Broad and travelled south on Broad through one of the areas Aaron used to live. Run down but ok. Nice houses--it's a shame that they're in such bad condition. We went back downtown and drove to Fitler Square. This was another neighborhood recommended to me. Oh yeah, first though, we caught a corner of Fairmount, trying to avoid the Parkway, and we drove down Green Street, which was mind blowingly beautiful. Fairmount is still a candidate for sure. THEN we went to Fitler Square. It looked like a cozier extension of Rittenhouse Square. The houses were astonishingly beautiful, and the square itself was nice too. There were many restaurants, some of them affordable, and everyone was outside hanging out. It looked like a medieval village almost. I don't know how I never went to this section. There's a park right on the river, and it's two or three blocks from upper South Street, where Govinda's is, as well as a bunch of cheap ethnic food. Penn is 5 minutes away across the South Street Bridge. Fitler square might be the place I end up. Next I'm checking out more of the gayborhood, which I think is called Washington Square West, more Fairmount, and breaking into University City.
It was good touring North Philly. I had a prejudicial fear of that part of the city, and while it's not the Boston Common, it really doesn't seem that bad. And Dan, I've eliminated Northwest Philly from my list of candidates. Too suburby, too removed from Center City. Right now I'm looking at Rittenhouse Square, Fitler Square, Fairmount, Washington Square, and Society Hill. More adventures tomorrow.

Toured Philly today. It was great. I'm looking for a new home when spring 07 rolls around. First I went to Fairmount. Dan, that place we got lost when we were looking for that coffee shop in Fairmount--that wasn't Fairmount. That was North Philly slums. Fairmount is actually lovely. If it had more restaurants, I'd pick it right away. It looks like Noe Valley in San Francisco. Tree lined streets, hilly, nicely kept row homes, next to the park, next to the art museum, and the one place we went to eat was good. Next I drove down Kelly Drive next to the river. The views from the road are awesome. We messed around in Mt. Airy for a while, and then we went to Roxborough. Roxborough was ok, but too suburban, too many pizza/hoagie places, not enough food or people diversity, not urban enough. Then we went to Manayunk. That neighborhood was tight. It's built onto a mountain, basically. It reminded me of those PA mountain towns. There's a huge, cool church off of main street, giving it a little bit of a Switzerland feel. Main Street itself was cool, but not that interesting, and kind of expensive. I probably wouldn't go there too much if I lived elsewhere in the city. After all of that we went to Old City to get food and leave. I had a glorious slice of Lorenzo's, and we walked around Society Hill. It is a great neighborhood, and still a candidate as a place to live. More adventures coming soon.

The intensity of the week is starting to catch up with me. I only need to keep it up for about another day. There was no early planning for any of this, which is why it's been so hectic. The fact that this happened is shameful, and in the future I need to anticipate transitions better and accomdate for them in advance. However, I have been doing the best that I can with the time that I have left. Today was like the others. I worked hella hard, took some of the trash bags to the dumpster, tied things down at the post office, donated some left over food, picked up some things at Rite Aid, picked up the car at the shop, got it inspected, got it registered, made a deposit at the bank, picked up travelers checks for the summer, dropped off the crap Ben left here, cleaned a bunch, did my three lessons of French, and packed a bunch. We still need to pack and clean. I'd like to be back in the Philly area at least by dinner time, if not earlier. I'm going to try a new route--Bay Bridge to 301, to 95, to 495, back to 95, to 476. I did give myself a few breaks tonight. I read an article in the St. John's studen literary magazine, I had a liesurely dinner, and I got a Rita's water ice as a break from cleaning.

I worked, looked up some possible apartments for next year, made some calls to move that process along, cleaned, cooked dinner, cleaned more, made a list of things I still need to do before leaving, and did my three (long!) lessons of French. I was moderate with the food that I ate, and I observed good principles of conversation throughout the day. I was continuously productive, and I think that we might leave on time. I can't believe how much I've gotten done this week. However, I've been operating on an unsustainable level, and soon I'll need to rest and preferrably begin my endeavors again at a reasonable level of intensity.

I drove my car to work for practice, worked my long shift, found a mechanic, took the car to the mechanic, settled the utilities bill, cleaned up in the kitchen, took out the trash and recycling, picked Eva up at the airport, and did my 3 lessons of French. I carried myself well throughout the day, ate well and moderately, and I was exercising good hygiene.

I haven't been posting for a while, which is shameful, but I want to get back into it. Update: I figured out what I want to do this summer--I joined an organic farm network in Canada that provides room and board in exchange for work. I'll be working on farms in Quebec. I'm doing this because I want to educate myself about agriculture, practice my French, and experience truly rural living. As for today, I'm trying to get prepared to leave. I bought a car over the weekend, and today I got the title switched and got temporary registration. Work was long today because of the shift change I implemented to get more done, which has been succesful, but it also meant I didn't have much time to do non-work things. I ate well, and I avoided overeating and eating crap. I also worked hard at work. I observed good hygiene throughout the day. When I came home I drove to an auto parts store, which was harrowing. It was the first time I've driven stickshift out on the road. I didn't crash or stall with someone immediately behind me, so it went well. Even in the short time that I was driving today, I improved my ability greatly. It's definitely more fun than automatic. I also did 3 lessons in my French program and listened to French audio at work. I narrowed down my options for how to go about addressing the mechanical problems with the car. Tomorrow I will resolve that issue; there's still a chance that I'll leave Annapolis on Friday.

Post for 4/28:
Ethics: Difficult to say. It's not worth giving background story here, but I'd say between a 2 and a 4, probably a 3 or 4.
Dream Realization: Advancing
Streak: 12

In order for me to continue my streak today(today now being Saturday), I must make huge strides with my book. I have set aside the time between 4 and 11 to work on it, and the extent to which I utilitze that time will be key.

Ethics: 4
Dream Realization: Advancing, solid effort
Streak: 11

Cooked a satisfying dinner, took a break to read for a while, planned stuff for the summer, and worked on the book for about an hour and fifteen minutes. Tomorrow I'll have a lot of time to work, because I should be able to leave work around lunch time.

Ethics: 4
Dream Realization: Advancing, slightly
Streak: 10

Here's the summary of what happened with regard to my goals:
My fitness goal was to lose two pounds between last Wednesday and today. I succeeded; in fact, I lost four pounds. Is that unhealthy? I don't feel shitty, but it seems like a lot for one week.
My writing goal was to complete a comprehensive outline of my book, specifically plot and character development. I didn't complete the outline, but in a way I did more than I expected to. The reason I say that is because the work that I have produced in the last week has been extremely detailed and, in my opinion, high quality, exceeding my expectations of what I was going to produce. I guess the issue is that I'm being more comprehensive than I planned to be, which is good, and will make the process of actually writing easier (I'm actually writing fragments of the book as I go along, especially dialogue). So even though I didn't accomplish my goal in a strict sense, I did more than I planned on doing. I've given myself a one-week extension on the outline, so I'll report back next Wednesday about that.

Ethics: 4
Dream Realization: Advancing greatly.
Streak: 9

Tonight is a time of reckoning. I'm taking a break from writing, but I have a specific goal set for myself that I'm striving to achieve. I've already written a lot, but I still have a fair amount to go. Things look good for my fitness goal, which was to lose two pounds between last Wednesday and tomorrow. I'll report back with the results.

Ethics: 3
Dream Realization: Advancing
Streak: 8

I'm nearing completion of my writing and fitness goals that I set for myself this week.

Ethics: 4
Dream Realization: Day off (yet still advancing, slightly)
Streak: 7

There it is, I've reached the 7 day mark. Dan, maybe you've already achieved this, but this is the first time that I've done it. Hopefully I can keep it up.

Ethics: 4
Dream Realization: Advancing, slightly
Streak: 6

Ethics: 3
Dream Realization: Advancing, slightly
Streak: 5

Ethics: 3
Dream Realization: Advancing
Sreak: 4

Last night I finished reading St. Julian L'Hospitalier (sp?).

Ethics: 3
Dream Realization: Advancing, slightly
Streak: 3

Ethics: 4
Dream Realization: Advancing, hella (that's for you Kyle)
Streak: 2

Ethics: 3
Dream Realization: Advancing
Streak: 1

Ethics: 4
Dream Realization: Advancing, slightly
Streak: 1

Ethics: 4
Progress: Advancing, slightly
Streak: 4

Today was like yesterday, which is reflected in the scores. I feel solid about things in general, and I'm betting that the streak will break the 1-week mark. I'm frustrated about my progress though. I guess things don't just happen overnight and that I need to be patient. It's like RZA said, "And yo, to y'all niggaz who think you gonna become an MC overnight, yaknowhatI'msayin, better snap out that fuckin dream man, it takes years for this." I just received an e-mail back from some faculty members and relations of faculty members at St. John's about writing, and the real story on it sounds grim. However, I truly am doing this for myself first, and I'm going to regret if I don't do it. Now I'm thinking that this will be a personal project only, and after I finish, I should get into some graduate school program to do my real work. That sounds so sad to me, but maybe it's the truth. Who knows though, I'm not going to be totally fatalistic before anything actually happens.
My progress was in getting into shape, saving money, and writing, like yesterday. The writing was even less, but at the same time, I filed my taxes, which knocked out something that I had been dreading. I really feel like I spend a lot of my time going through the day-to-day motions just to keep afloat and to stay organized and clean--free time that can be used on pure advancement seems rare. I just need to make the most out of it.

So far, I think the best rating system for myself was the one judging ethics, progress, and streaks. I'm going to keep the progress and streak criterias as they were, and, at least for a little while, I'm going to use the 1-5 system for ethics, with high numbers being better, or more ethical. I'd like to have a chart like the Franklin chart, but I have some issues with it. Also, even though I'm going to try to post everyday, I think it's too harsh to automatically restart my count if I there's a day when I don't.
Ethics: 4
Progress: Advancing, slightly
Streak: 3 days

My progress was writing, getting into better shape, and saving money. I'm very happy that these things are happening, because they are primary goals for me right now, but I'm not happy with the rate at which I'm accomplishing them. I want to be writing more, losing weight faster, and saving more money. Actually, the fitness thing has been moving along nicely, but the other two irritate me a little when I think about them. Overall, things are better than in the fall when I had a spending deficit, I was either getting in worse shape or staying the same, and I was barely writing.
I've been trying to pace myself, which is a perpetual problem for me. When I'm pumped, I want to "sprint", as it were, but I need to force myself to slow down and avoid burn out. This goes with generally being more tolerant of imperfection. I also tried extra hard to score high with ethics, but it was an effort, and it's not a sure thing that I'll sustain that, although I'll try. I need to schedule my time better and pace myself better, and also there are times when I just need to simply push harder.

Consectutive Days Lived Well: 3 (provided that I write after I post)

I worked, biked home, worked out, made dinner, went to the grocery store, and started on my taxes. Now I'm going to write for a while and then go to bed. I'm entertaining the possibility of writing a short story before completing the novel so that I have something to show people and maybe to test whether or not I have any potential. Writing is something I want to do; it feels almost like a duty to myself. Also, Emerson said something like, "If you're so lucky as to have Truth pay you a visit, do her the honor of writing it down" (maybe he put it in terms of the muses). Well, I agree with that, and I feel like I was fortunate enough to catch a few glimpes of some real shit, mainly during my time at St. John's, and I want to record it somehow. However, if I don't write, my endeavors would probably go much more smoothly. I never really liked writing, or, rather, I found it rewarding, but the activity itself has never been pleasurable. I'd probably be looking at graduate programs if I weren't working on this. For the time being, it's moving along, but it's painful. Mainly, I've beend dreading my pre-planned writing times. I just hate it when I dread the task. I want to beat that out of myself. It makes me want to vomit.

Consecutive Days Lived Well: 2

Today was another day of rest, but I still accomplished some practical goals. I went shopping, which I typically dread. I got some new underwear, a tighter belt, etc.--that kind of stuff. I'm slowly de-riff-raffing myself. I had an epiphany at Williams Sonoma. One thing that would be great about being rich would be to blow a ton of money on making your kitchen awesome. Having every different kind of gadget and shopping at specialty stores to get top of the line shit from around the world. You'll find me in Di Bruno Bros in Center City one day picking up some shit to make in my world-class, Rittenhouse Square apartment. I also prepared a schedule for myself for the coming week. I cleaned up a little bit too. Just basically getting ready for next week. I envy Dan being in Philly for the weekend.
I want to observe that I feel hella rested right now. I want to start sprinting, in the metaphorical sense, but I need to hold back, use my reason, and stick to my plan. That is how I'll achieve my long-term goals.

Consecutive Days Lived Well: 1
When I don't post, I'm going to restart my days-count. I think this should be a daily duty. There's rarely a day that I couldn't post if I tried, so barring some extreme circumstance, I should make it a priority to post.
Today was good. I felt like I was too wound-up and stressed because of various things, plus I wanted to catch up on some reading, so I took the day off. I hung out, or "loafed" as Whitman says, for a little bit, talked to some family and friends on the phone, and then Eva and I tried this Italian restaurant for lunch. The food was quality and the prices were reasonable. The best part was the dessert. Their gelato is top-notch. Afterwards I watched the ducks in the harbor and enjoying a light rain. If only it was warmer. Then I biked around town for a while to get exercise and went to Mark's to read. I finished Ethics (finally!) and read The Book of Tea and Drops of Rain: Rumi Quatriants. Dan, I think you'd love the Book of Tea, but I know I already recommend too many books, so whatever, check it out if you feel like it. I started on The Education of Little Tree. After that I'm going to read Teacher Man and Waiting for Godot, and then I will have read all the books that people have either recommended or given to me.

To begin posting again, I'm going to use "Consecutive Days Lived Well" as my initial criterion. It'll be similar to "Days Since a Collapse", except a collapse won't be the only occasion for restarting the count. My understanding of what it means to live well changes over time, so my decision about whether or not to count a particular day as one in which I've lived well is admittedly a function of something variable. I like the criterion because it focuses not just on "achievement" in terms of material changes in circumstance, recognition, or some other change from static state to static state, but it also takes into account activity, the value of which I've started increasingly to recognize from my study of non-modern thinkers. Tending to your domestic routines with tranquility and even reverance, spending time well with someone else, giving them a good effort on your behalf to connect with them, or admiring something beautiful for its own sake--these are activities, which I find to be important, but don't advance ourselves, or count necessarily as ends (in a sense they are ends in themselves). On the other hand, I do still value the advancements, and they will figure into my judgment. Aside from this, to give a quantitative critique, albeit highly subjective, I'll use the 1-5 system for a while too.
The past month has actually been very good for me. I saved a good amount of money, lost over ten pounds, got the internet working at my house, got a cell phone, got settled at work, and did some solid work on my book. Really, I'm tempted to start the count at 31, to include the last month, but I'll start fresh for the sake of bringing you guys along with me from a beginning, not somewhere in the middle.
Consecutive Days Lived Well: 1
Rating: 4

I'm not sure how I want to critique myself, so for the time being I'll just report.
I got up without hesitation, prepared quickly, and managed to read a thought-provoking article in the Economist while eating my breakfast. Then I biked to work and did my job well. I stopped at the bank to make a deposit on the way back, cleaned the bathroom, made dinner (tonight's pad thai was the best one I've ever made), packed up my old cell phone to send back to Sprint, did a round of eastern-style calisthenics, sat down to read Emerson for 15 minutes, straightened-up the room for a bit, participated in the Best Of Annapolis annual on-line poll, e-mailed my dad hotel information for my family's trip down here, looked up car information, and now I'm writing this. After I'm done I'm going to work on my book until 10:20, take care of my dental hygiene, and then go to bed. While I've been on the computer I've listened to Ravel's String Quartet and Dvorak's 8th symphony. It's been lovely. I also listened to Smetana's Moldau, which is the most intense piece of music I've ever heard, at least the beginning of it (I thought that the first time I heard it, and I still do). Yo Dan, remember how I said a few summers ago that if we had an apartment together I would start each day by blasting GZA and jumping around the place shouting and getting pumped up? I'd still do that on some days, but for days that I really needed a kick in the ass, I would blast the Moldau. Check that shit out. My biggest criticism of myself today is that I wasn't decisive about prioritizing my tasks and also that I rebelled against the idea of writing. I can't shrink away from that task. That should be the highest of my activities, and I should treat it with the appropriate respect. I shouldn't dread it in any sense.

Scores for 2/20:
Trangressions: 6
Days Since a Collapse: 4
Effectiveness: Advancing

Observation: Yesterday at work I was frustrated by things beyond my control. My frustration affected my entire day. Today there were the same frustrating external factors present (actually to an even greater degree than yesterday), but I guarded against becoming frustrated myself. The way I did this was to focus on one task at a time, calmly, without thinking about where I was in the overall process (if I did, it would have frustrated me). Even though things were out of control, I just did what I could and didn't worry about the rest. I guess I just tried to maintain a calm and patient attitude--and it worked. Attitude does count for a lot. Planning counts for something, pure effort counts for something, endurance contributes to effort, and attitude counts for something. The art of good attitude seems to be finding the golden mean between not caring and caring to the point where everything worries you...actually, that's not very clear...so, I believe that we should strive for excellence with everything. However, sometimes we have to settle for imperfection so that we can move on and do something else. We must accept the imperfection, yet go forward with the next task with the intention of achieving perfection. One extreme would be getting so frustrated as soon as things stop being perfect that you melt down and wait for a while to start back up, again expecting perfection. The other extreme would be approaching each task with a chill attitude, not really pushing yourself to do more than you can easily.
The idea that I'm trying to communicate sounds obvious, at least to me, as I'm writing it. But I know that it's the type of thing that doesn't help you until you've internalized it somehow, or habituated yourself to practice it. Controlling your state of mind is an activity, that takes practice, so although what I'm saying may be obvious, to put it to use is difficult (also, I find that I "forget" lessons like this, and I need life to continuously remind me of them).