Today's score: 1
Total score: 2

I worked strenuously for 8 and a 1/3rd hours outside earning cash and getting a great workout. I took care of a bunch of administrative stuff to get ahead for next week, and I also did a lesson in my French cds.
I tried to work on my stress problem today, with mixed results. I started the day with less rigid planning and tried to keep a mindset to work modestly but steadily, and not to worry about where I was in the overall process. This worked until I started feeling like I was on a roll, and then I felt pressure to work non-stop, all day. I tried to do this and burned out. I need to make myself rest. It's crazy, because even if I plan rest time, I stress during that time and want to be doing something mentally to help with other things during the day. Rest helps productivity; it does not interfere with it or break momentum. I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with my anxiety issue. In general, I've had success shifting my focus from how I'm doing things to what I actually accomplish. So I'm going to study my strategies, and discuss them here, but throughout the day I keep insisting on having something concrete done for the end of the day, and my mind can be as timultuous as possible, because the end result supercedes my mentality and my planning.
I was good with my transitions, but only due to my intensity, which, as I said above, caused me problems later in the day.
Possible ideas to address my problems: In the past I had success clearly defining "on" and "off" time. I would work for an hour, and then have some principle that called for 15 minutes of total off time. The times themselves weren't critical, rather psychologically distinguishing between the on and off time. I didn't feel suffocated during an on time because I knew that a break would be coming up. Right now, sometimes my mind acts as if I'll never get a break, and that I'll need to run forever. This is crazy, obviously, but if I don't preplan breaks and just wing it, trying to just get shit done, my anxiety can start taking over.
Point of clarification: Earlier I wrote that even during breaks I get stressed, but then afterwards I wrote that I had success scheduling breaks during my day. This sounds contradictory, but here's what I mean--yesterday I wrote down a list of things I wanted to do. Some of them came in the form of time spent on a particular thing. So on my list it says "work for 4 hours" "French for 1/2 hour" "create contact list" "exercise for 1/2 hour" "book for 1 hour", etc. I used this approach in order to have flexibility, rather than saying " 1-2: write; 2-2:30: French", for example. With the latter plan, what if Eva called in the middle of 1 to 2? I want to talk, and I think it's totally reasonable that I should be able to talk, but if I do, my whole day's schedule is thrown off and I get stressed out. So I took the general time chunk approach, without specifying when I would do them--more like a to-do list, rather than a schedule. Also, I planned my to-do list to be reasonable, so that I would have some time to rest during the day. What happened was that as the end of the day approached, I noticed all the things I still had to do, and even if I sat down for a minute, taking one of my pre-planned but unspecified breaks, I would freak out, feeling the pressure of my remaining tasks building against me. This is the type of break that I described first which is a break, but is useless in terms of recharging me. The historically successful break that I described above was only ever used in a rigid scheduling system, like the one I mentioned, with 1-2: X; 2-3:30: y, etc. This was easier because it was in college, and I literally could count on not being interrupted for an entire day, so I could schedule all my time in advance. Now the phone rings, the dryer is done, the dogs need to be walked, etc. etc., and all these things make a schedule like that impractical. What's the solution to this? I'm going to think about it, but I'm tired and it's late.
Keys for the next few days: Writing--I cleared up tons of time by working a double today as well as taking care of administrative crap. There isn't any reason why I can't get a lot done on the book. The question is whether I'll be able to. Also, I'm focusing on results. The means is important, but ultimately it's what I do that matters. Whether I make a rigid schedule tomorrow, or if I improvise and go with an intiutive, moment-by-moment approach, I need to power through the day, even if I start to get sloppy, in order to do something that can result in a point.

I'm ready to give this another try. I'm going to return to the basic five point rating system; however, instead of 1 through 5, I'm going to use zero as my median value. So the lower two points will designate two degrees of decline, the middle value (zero) will mean motion neither up nor down, and the higher two points will designate two degrees of virtue. In addition to a daily score, I'm going to keep a running tally of my points. It will be like a quantitative climb up a mountain of virtue. This way I can record overall progress in addition to momentary movement.
Today's score: 1
Total score: 1
I earned money by working in my neighbor's yard this morning, I worked out for half an hour (in addition to the exercise I got working), I ate three regular meals that were at least somewhat healthy, I had a lovely conversation with Eva, I worked on my book for an hour, I compiled a list of people that I want to stay in contact with along with their information and a column tracking the most recent correspondence with them--I want to do a better job of keeping up with people, I went grocery shopping for the house, I helped take care of the dogs, I practised good hygiene, I started moving forward on some lingering administrative crap, I did half an hour of French, I'm going to look again at my speed reading book to possibly work it into my schedule, and with any luck I'll get in some reading on Crime and Punishment tonight.
There were two immediately obvious flaws in my performance today, and they are both recurring problems. One is that I started getting panicked about the work I had to do and I was unable to remain calm like a stoic. To solve this I just need to control myself psychologically, and meditate on cultivating good attitudes. The other probablem was that my transitions were sloppy. I probably lost over an hour today by not crisply finishing one task and making a definitive and determined start on the next one. This is a psychological problem as well, but the solution is not strictly psychological. Good scheduling will help this problem, which partially means having a clear idea of what I want to accomplish, what each of those tasks will be like, and how I want them to go down.
Come on Dan, and Kyle if you want, we should jump back on this.

Access to the internet has been sporadic, so my posts will probably be infrequent. Eva and I left for Canada a week and a half ago, and our car seemed to endure the trip without any problems. Right now we`re not even in a town, per se, but if I wrote a letter from here I would mark it as sent from St. Jean-de-la-Lande, Beauce. The nearest settlement of any considerable size is St. Georges, which is actually where I am right now (in the library). On the farm we`ve been planting all sorts of vegetables as well as weeding. The work is simple and repetative, but it`s also relaxing in an unexpected way. The area is beautiful--we`re up in the Canadian Appalachains. Other than working on the farm, I`ve been practicing French, reading and discussing Marcus Aurelius`s Meditations with Eva, and putting in at least a half hour a day on my book. Dan--I think you would enjoy parts of the Meditations, although there are also parts where he writes about a kind of metaphysics that I`m guessing you would think is stupid. It would be an easy book to browse in a bookstore since it`s divided into small sections. One of the best things about being here is that we`re living an extremely healthy lifestyle. We eat at home for all of our meals (no eating out), and 95% of what we make is from home-grown vegetables. Basically we`ve been eating whole wheat bread, salad, rice, water, etc. Ok, it`s time to leave. Salut.

Philly touring part 3: Wash West; Washington Square; University City, including Powelton Village and some other random neighborhood along 40th. Washington West is cool, but looks like a downgrade from Rittenhouse and Fitler. Nice restaurants, all of which would be very accessable from my two preferred neighborhoods. Washington Square is lovely--it's a bit more low-key than Rittenhouse Square. University City seems tragic to me. Way too ghetto, way too much crime. However, cheap, great looking ethnic restaurants galore. It's totally on par with San Francisco. I'll bike over there to eat and hope that my bike doesn't get dismantled while I'm inside. The areas more removed from UC seemed nice, but too suburby, and even though Powelton Village looked great, everything was locked down and had bars on it. Seriously, that shit has to get cleaned up over there.

More Philly adventures yesterday. It's so much fun exploring the city. First we stopped for cappucinos at La Colombe in Rittenhouse Square, and while we were driving down Spruce (or Pine, whichever one goes east) we passed through what Aaron said was the gayborhood, which looked extremely nice. It was around 10th and Pine/Spruce. Next we went to Northern Liberties, via 3rd street north of Market. This is a great neighborhood, and I definitely need to spend more time there. It has great restaurants (several that are focused on vegetarians), and it looks like the people living there are young for the most part. My only problem with it was that there weren't many trees, and it still looks slightly run down, probably from the time when it actually was run down. Next we drove up to Girard Ave, hung a right, and went to the border of Fishtown and Kensington. I've always heard this area was a shit hole, but it's actually nice, at least where we were. It looks like South Philly but with more trees. Lots of sports stuff in windows, lawn ornaments, hoagie shops, etc. The oldest cemetary in the city is in Fishtown, and, according to Aaron, if you live in the neighborhood, you're guaranteed a spot there. Next we were headed to Northeast Philly, Lawndale to be specific. We drove through Frankford and Port Richmond, two somewhat rundown, but still ok sections of the city. First of all, driving in the NE is a nightmare. The streets design is terrible, at least where we were. I was exploring this neighborhood on a specific recommendation. The main strip did have a bunch of ethnic restaurants, but it looked like Geary St in San Francisco, which I think is ugly. It also kind of looked like Clifton Heights. I didn't like the houses, and overall, I crossed that neighborhood off the list of possibilities. We went back to Broad and travelled south on Broad through one of the areas Aaron used to live. Run down but ok. Nice houses--it's a shame that they're in such bad condition. We went back downtown and drove to Fitler Square. This was another neighborhood recommended to me. Oh yeah, first though, we caught a corner of Fairmount, trying to avoid the Parkway, and we drove down Green Street, which was mind blowingly beautiful. Fairmount is still a candidate for sure. THEN we went to Fitler Square. It looked like a cozier extension of Rittenhouse Square. The houses were astonishingly beautiful, and the square itself was nice too. There were many restaurants, some of them affordable, and everyone was outside hanging out. It looked like a medieval village almost. I don't know how I never went to this section. There's a park right on the river, and it's two or three blocks from upper South Street, where Govinda's is, as well as a bunch of cheap ethnic food. Penn is 5 minutes away across the South Street Bridge. Fitler square might be the place I end up. Next I'm checking out more of the gayborhood, which I think is called Washington Square West, more Fairmount, and breaking into University City.
It was good touring North Philly. I had a prejudicial fear of that part of the city, and while it's not the Boston Common, it really doesn't seem that bad. And Dan, I've eliminated Northwest Philly from my list of candidates. Too suburby, too removed from Center City. Right now I'm looking at Rittenhouse Square, Fitler Square, Fairmount, Washington Square, and Society Hill. More adventures tomorrow.

Toured Philly today. It was great. I'm looking for a new home when spring 07 rolls around. First I went to Fairmount. Dan, that place we got lost when we were looking for that coffee shop in Fairmount--that wasn't Fairmount. That was North Philly slums. Fairmount is actually lovely. If it had more restaurants, I'd pick it right away. It looks like Noe Valley in San Francisco. Tree lined streets, hilly, nicely kept row homes, next to the park, next to the art museum, and the one place we went to eat was good. Next I drove down Kelly Drive next to the river. The views from the road are awesome. We messed around in Mt. Airy for a while, and then we went to Roxborough. Roxborough was ok, but too suburban, too many pizza/hoagie places, not enough food or people diversity, not urban enough. Then we went to Manayunk. That neighborhood was tight. It's built onto a mountain, basically. It reminded me of those PA mountain towns. There's a huge, cool church off of main street, giving it a little bit of a Switzerland feel. Main Street itself was cool, but not that interesting, and kind of expensive. I probably wouldn't go there too much if I lived elsewhere in the city. After all of that we went to Old City to get food and leave. I had a glorious slice of Lorenzo's, and we walked around Society Hill. It is a great neighborhood, and still a candidate as a place to live. More adventures coming soon.

The intensity of the week is starting to catch up with me. I only need to keep it up for about another day. There was no early planning for any of this, which is why it's been so hectic. The fact that this happened is shameful, and in the future I need to anticipate transitions better and accomdate for them in advance. However, I have been doing the best that I can with the time that I have left. Today was like the others. I worked hella hard, took some of the trash bags to the dumpster, tied things down at the post office, donated some left over food, picked up some things at Rite Aid, picked up the car at the shop, got it inspected, got it registered, made a deposit at the bank, picked up travelers checks for the summer, dropped off the crap Ben left here, cleaned a bunch, did my three lessons of French, and packed a bunch. We still need to pack and clean. I'd like to be back in the Philly area at least by dinner time, if not earlier. I'm going to try a new route--Bay Bridge to 301, to 95, to 495, back to 95, to 476. I did give myself a few breaks tonight. I read an article in the St. John's studen literary magazine, I had a liesurely dinner, and I got a Rita's water ice as a break from cleaning.

I worked, looked up some possible apartments for next year, made some calls to move that process along, cleaned, cooked dinner, cleaned more, made a list of things I still need to do before leaving, and did my three (long!) lessons of French. I was moderate with the food that I ate, and I observed good principles of conversation throughout the day. I was continuously productive, and I think that we might leave on time. I can't believe how much I've gotten done this week. However, I've been operating on an unsustainable level, and soon I'll need to rest and preferrably begin my endeavors again at a reasonable level of intensity.

I drove my car to work for practice, worked my long shift, found a mechanic, took the car to the mechanic, settled the utilities bill, cleaned up in the kitchen, took out the trash and recycling, picked Eva up at the airport, and did my 3 lessons of French. I carried myself well throughout the day, ate well and moderately, and I was exercising good hygiene.

I haven't been posting for a while, which is shameful, but I want to get back into it. Update: I figured out what I want to do this summer--I joined an organic farm network in Canada that provides room and board in exchange for work. I'll be working on farms in Quebec. I'm doing this because I want to educate myself about agriculture, practice my French, and experience truly rural living. As for today, I'm trying to get prepared to leave. I bought a car over the weekend, and today I got the title switched and got temporary registration. Work was long today because of the shift change I implemented to get more done, which has been succesful, but it also meant I didn't have much time to do non-work things. I ate well, and I avoided overeating and eating crap. I also worked hard at work. I observed good hygiene throughout the day. When I came home I drove to an auto parts store, which was harrowing. It was the first time I've driven stickshift out on the road. I didn't crash or stall with someone immediately behind me, so it went well. Even in the short time that I was driving today, I improved my ability greatly. It's definitely more fun than automatic. I also did 3 lessons in my French program and listened to French audio at work. I narrowed down my options for how to go about addressing the mechanical problems with the car. Tomorrow I will resolve that issue; there's still a chance that I'll leave Annapolis on Friday.

Post for 4/28:
Ethics: Difficult to say. It's not worth giving background story here, but I'd say between a 2 and a 4, probably a 3 or 4.
Dream Realization: Advancing
Streak: 12

In order for me to continue my streak today(today now being Saturday), I must make huge strides with my book. I have set aside the time between 4 and 11 to work on it, and the extent to which I utilitze that time will be key.

Ethics: 4
Dream Realization: Advancing, solid effort
Streak: 11

Cooked a satisfying dinner, took a break to read for a while, planned stuff for the summer, and worked on the book for about an hour and fifteen minutes. Tomorrow I'll have a lot of time to work, because I should be able to leave work around lunch time.

Ethics: 4
Dream Realization: Advancing, slightly
Streak: 10

Here's the summary of what happened with regard to my goals:
My fitness goal was to lose two pounds between last Wednesday and today. I succeeded; in fact, I lost four pounds. Is that unhealthy? I don't feel shitty, but it seems like a lot for one week.
My writing goal was to complete a comprehensive outline of my book, specifically plot and character development. I didn't complete the outline, but in a way I did more than I expected to. The reason I say that is because the work that I have produced in the last week has been extremely detailed and, in my opinion, high quality, exceeding my expectations of what I was going to produce. I guess the issue is that I'm being more comprehensive than I planned to be, which is good, and will make the process of actually writing easier (I'm actually writing fragments of the book as I go along, especially dialogue). So even though I didn't accomplish my goal in a strict sense, I did more than I planned on doing. I've given myself a one-week extension on the outline, so I'll report back next Wednesday about that.

Ethics: 4
Dream Realization: Advancing greatly.
Streak: 9

Tonight is a time of reckoning. I'm taking a break from writing, but I have a specific goal set for myself that I'm striving to achieve. I've already written a lot, but I still have a fair amount to go. Things look good for my fitness goal, which was to lose two pounds between last Wednesday and tomorrow. I'll report back with the results.

Ethics: 3
Dream Realization: Advancing
Streak: 8

I'm nearing completion of my writing and fitness goals that I set for myself this week.

Ethics: 4
Dream Realization: Day off (yet still advancing, slightly)
Streak: 7

There it is, I've reached the 7 day mark. Dan, maybe you've already achieved this, but this is the first time that I've done it. Hopefully I can keep it up.

Ethics: 4
Dream Realization: Advancing, slightly
Streak: 6

Ethics: 3
Dream Realization: Advancing, slightly
Streak: 5

Ethics: 3
Dream Realization: Advancing
Sreak: 4

Last night I finished reading St. Julian L'Hospitalier (sp?).

Ethics: 3
Dream Realization: Advancing, slightly
Streak: 3