Saturday, February 11, 2006

The first problem is clear and simple. The second problem is nebulous. Here's what I think was going on:
We recognize that we have physical limits. You can only run for so long before you must stop. I believe that there is at least one other analogous energy in people. I'll call it psychic energy. Before I get too much into it, I want to say that I can see that what I'm calling psychic energy may actually be a complex of multiple energies, but I'm treating it as one thing.
Psychic energy is spent when we try to get ourselves to do things contrary to our impulses. Even being "conscious", as Dan says, requires psychic energy. The only time we're not using this energy is if we're completely going with the flow and being passive. If you try to change your state of mind, or if you start working, or restraining yourself from eating something, or trying to refrain from shit talking, you're using this energy.
My hypothesis is that one's psychic stamina must be slowly built-up. This means that I need only a few tasks per day to start, with a lot of real rest, as described above. Over time I can work more, or add more things, but until then, I need to hold back, otherwise I collapse. I've actually experienced this phenomenon, of building up psychic stamina. When I first got to college, the work load seemed absurdly large. I struggled just to get everything done, and we all felt overwhelmed. Of course we were just at the beginning level, and things got much harder. But, things got harder and more intense gradually, so we became more capable of handing the load. Readings got longer, the science and math got more complex, and the philosophy got more technical, but my psychic stamina increased to meet the increasing challenge.
This means that for the time being I'm going to focus on the basics, and the most important things. I'm going to work and try to be a good friend, family member, and boyfriend. This means that I won't be writing for a while. I'm not sure how long the delay will be, but I don't want to rush things. I'm also not going to work out for now. My job is very physical, so I think that should be sufficient for now.

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