30 minutes isn't enough time to cook, eat, and clean up from breakfast. I tried 45 minutes this morning, and that seemed better.
This last week was tough, for obvious reasons. After the initial shock, I started feeling better, but then at the end of the week my mood started going back down.
I think part of the reason this happened is that my activities are too isolating. I work better when I can work with other people, and especially now, it's not good to sit in my apartment alone. I want to make more of an effort to be social and to make solitary activities into group activities wherever I can. For example, I'm considering seeking out a French conversation group to replace my solitary study (this was Will's suggestion actually). Other possibilities would be group parkour and studying in public places.
Whatever may be going on, for better or worse, I did two things that should be fundamentally prohibited--I completely gave up my discipline and didn't post, meaning, I didn't spend time reflecting and planning. Some might argue that I should be less harsh on myself with my notions of discipline, but here's the problem: if I don't control myself, I eat junk food and play video games, in solitude. That's it. That's my default activity. So what should I do? I believe that I need to exert control over myself because the alternative is completely valueless, and in fact, destructive.
The posting was the second duty that I neglected. This should be automatic, every day. I need to keep trying, keep thinking, and never give up. It'll be a fight, no doubt, but the fight needs to be made, otherwise nothing will happen.
Another thought is with continuity of program. If I change up my agenda and personal management techniques too frequently, I'll never give anything a chance, and I won't have actual test cases that I can learn from. If I start a new program, and it works for a few days, but then things get horrible, normally I stop. For the short-term that might be a good response, but in the long-term, I end up cycling between the same solutions, never giving each one its full trial. What would have happened if the colonies disbanded and gave up after the Articles of Confederation debacle? At least they rode it out, studied it, and implemented an evolved program that was conceived judiciously and carefully. I want to emulate this. I have a decent program now, so I need to stick with it, truthfully reflect on what's happening, and move forward with care.
One thing that I have done for long enough to be able to critique, and which I want to eliminate, is starting each post with tallies from my to-do list. It's not representative of my effectiveness. It makes me focused on reducing my task list instead of doing what needs to be done, and although it sounds like these should be the same things, let me explain. It's like judges accepting politically motivated plea bargains because the only thing they're focused on is getting convictions to be re-elected, as if the criminals and the justice system are making deals with each other for their mutual benefit. As I have said before, it's possible to have a highly productive day in which the net task balance rises and a weak day in which the task balance lowers. I should be focused on doing what needs to be done and doing it well. I shouldn't hesitate to put things on the list because it'll raise the count, and I shouldn't put aside the more lengthy, challenging tasks in lieu of quicker things that can produce more immediate results.
In terms of material accomplishments last week, it was amazing to me in the first place that I rebounded in any kind of way from the breakup earlier in the week. By mid-to-late week, I was on schedule again and getting things done. There was also the work that had to be done to "shut down" the relationship, namely, dealing with things like dividing up belongings, figuring out money, copying pictures, and attempting to reconcile ourselves with the situation emotionally.
Other accomplishments for the week were getting the process started on a possible summer internship, putting together a nice Father's Day dinner with my sister, advancing my knowledge about my new computer, finishing the French course, and getting my teaching completed effectively. In the beginning of the week I figured that my class would be able to tell that I was upset about something, but I think I managed to keep myself completely together, at least externally.
One big frustration with my effectiveness this past week is that I feel like so much time gets put into routine tasks that I'm not actually moving forward on really important things like finding funding or housing for school. Maybe I should cut back my standard of living to be more effective with that stuff. For now, I want to continue making home-cooked meals from fresh ingredients. I'm always tempted to eliminate this, and it would be easy to do so, because it's not yet routine, and I grew up eating instant food. However, I've come to believe that this is one of those cornerstones of human life (yes, I think it's that important). It may sound silly, but I have come to believe that cooking a fresh meal with real fruits, vegetables, fresh cheese, and home-baked bread, sitting down with whatever family you have around, and having a real meal is essential to mental and physical health. Ultimately, I know how many hours there are in a day, and I know what I need to do. When constructing my daily schedule the night before, I need to parse my time in a way that is consistent with my priorities, and then the following evening, I need to check, #1, if my time allotments were accurate, #2, see what happened, and #3, re-evaluate my time budgeting and priorities for the next day.
Last night I did end up going out for Father's Day, and that took most of the night. I only got back at 10:15, which left enough time to do some accounting, plan my work hours for the week, do laundry, and install some things on the computer. But then I fell apart later in the evening, which meant that I ate snacks and played games on the computer until 2 or 3 in the morning.

Non-routine stuff that has to get done this week:
Sunday Letter
KBS System/E-mails to students
Searching for housing in Cambridge

Non-routine stuff that I really want to get done/work on this week:
Get cooking pot
Plan Annapolis trip
Find a French Conversation Group
Spend time learning the computer
Survey funding options for school
Hang out with Juan tonight

Plan for the rest of the day: Pick up at least 2 cookbooks from the library, figure out how to run KBS and e-mail my students, pick up cooking pot, plan meals, go shopping, e-mail Eric back about housing, and go out with Juan.